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Rev. Patrick S. Cheng, Ph.D.

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Faith, Hope and Love: Ending LGBT Teen Suicide

Posted: 10/ 6/2010 9:07 am

I have been simultaneously horrified, saddened, and enraged at the spate of suicides in the last month by teenagers and young adults who were bullied for being, or being perceived to be, gay. Billy Lucas, 15, hung himself on September 9 from the rafters of a barn. Seth Walsh, 13, hung himself on September 19 from a tree in his backyard. Tyler Clementi, 18, jumped off the George Washington bridge on September 22. Asher Brown, 13, shot himself in the head on September 23.

As an openly gay minister, theologian, and seminary professor, these suicides have brought back vivid memories of being bullied myself in junior high school. I remember being taunted so badly at the bus stop on Helen Drive that I no longer wanted to go to school. I remember being kicked out of my tent at Cutter Scout Reservation, with my possessions thrown in the dirt, and spending the rest of the night under a picnic table. I remember spending my recesses and lunch breaks in the Taylor Intermediate School library, which was a place of refuge for me, thanks to Mr. Rand, the kind-hearted librarian.

I believe this recent string of suicides by LGBT young people is, at root, a religious problem. For me, there is a clear and indisputable link between these horrible deaths and the rhetoric espoused by anti-gay Christians who continually condemn lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people as sinners worthy of divine punishment. Where else do you think the bullies learn their behavior? No matter how well intentioned, anti-gay Christians need to understand that their nonstop rhetoric of sin and punishment creates a toxic environment that views LGBT people as less than fully human and thus deserving of socially or religiously sanctioned violence -- including self-inflicted violence.

A number of LGBT people of faith and our allies have started to do something about this problem. Rev. Stephen Sprinkle, an associate professor of practical theology and director of field education and supervised ministry at Brite Divinity School in Fort Worth, Texas, has uploaded a YouTube video called "It Gets Better." Rev. Sprinkle talks about his own experiences as a closeted gay high school student 40 years ago in a religious setting and gives hope to isolated LGBT youth around the world. Rev. Sprinkle also attended the funeral of Asher Brown and wrote a recent article about it in the Dallas Voice.

Rev. Cody Sanders, a Baptist minister and doctoral student at Brite Divinity School, has written an excellent opinion piece called "Why Anti-Gay Bullying Is a Theological Issue." He writes about his own journey from sadness to anger in reading about these deaths, and he challenges all ministers, church communities, and people of faith who remain in "comfortable silence about sexuality" to speak out against this bullying. As Rev. Sanders puts it so well, the longer we wait, the more young people will die. I am proud to have met Rev. Sanders this past summer at the Human Rights Campaign Summer Institute for Religious and Theological Study.

The Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson, the moderator of the Metropolitan Community Churches, the LGBT-affirming denomination in which I am ordained, has issued a call to action for the ending of bullying and harassment against LGBT teens. For Rev. Elder Wilson, "spiritual comfort is not enough." She urges all people of faith to do something to help stop this bullying, whether it is visiting a local school, teaching a Sunday School class, or talking to the young people in our own lives.

Harvard Divinity School is sponsoring an upcoming panel discussion on "Queer Youth and Religious Debates Over Sexuality" with LGBT religious leaders, activists, and thinkers such as Rev. Harry Knox, Rev. Irene Monroe, and Dr. Mark Jordan. My own institution, Episcopal Divinity School, is sponsoring an upcoming panel discussion, "The Gender Continuum," on the critical importance of religious institutions and people of faith being engaged about issues of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Finally, my friend Shay, who calls himself the "Anarchist Reverend," is fellow seminary graduate from Union Theological Seminary in New York. Shay is on the ordination path and self-identifies as a trans man. He has a wonderful blog about Christianity and trans issues, and he has started a campaign for LGBT religious leaders to speak out about their experiences on YouTube as part of the "It Gets Better Project" started by the gay syndicated columnist Dan Savage. Shay has recorded his first-ever vlog, which can be found here.

Regardless of one's view about sexual ethics, family values, or same-sex marriage, I believe that encouraging or contributing to violence against LGBT people, either directly or indirectly, is the true sin against nature and creation. The steps that the above LGBT religious leaders and allies are taking to stop the bullying and harassment of LGBT youth affirm the truth that God is love and that we are all created in God's image and likeness.

I challenge all people involved with anti-gay faith-based groups to practice what they preach and condemn all forms of violence, self-inflicted or otherwise, against LGBT people. They can no longer remain silent and wash their hands of responsibility, as Pontius Pilate did with Jesus of Nazareth, in the face of the growing number of deaths of LGBT young people. Regardless of what these groups may believe about sin, they need to speak out against this violence. That, to me, is what it truly means to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself.

St. Paul writes in his First Letter to the Corinthians that the great theological virtues are faith, hope, and love. We must give faith to our LGBT young people that things will get better, no matter how bleak things may seem right now. We must give them hope that there are others out there who care about them. And we must give them love by speaking out and acting forcefully against LGBT violence in all its forms.

 
 
 

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I have been simultaneously horrified, saddened, and enraged at the spate of suicides in the last month by teenagers and young adults who were bullied for being, or being perceived to be, gay. Billy L...
I have been simultaneously horrified, saddened, and enraged at the spate of suicides in the last month by teenagers and young adults who were bullied for being, or being perceived to be, gay. Billy L...
 
 
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This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
02:14 PM on 10/12/2010
, Reverend , but your way of thinking is upside down . Islam abhors gays , same sex marriages , lesbianism etc. It has outlined a legitimate course in heterosexual , man with a woman , marriages .

Go back to your scriptures . Go back to your Gospels. Please read the original teachings of Jesus .
The USA is a great country with a GNP of a mutli trillions of dollars . Its per capita income exceeds of $ 20000/- . But despite their prosperity , the Americans are not happy . I recall the wordings of Paul Samuelson in one of the issues of ‘Newsweek’ of autumn 1967 that if wealth can bring happiness , the people of USA would be the happiest people of the world . I also recall my dialogue with the Christian priest in Geneva . I the Christians claim that their religion was the best .I said how come the American youth is following Rev. Moon or the Hindu Maharishi , who have nothing to give .The American priest replied that the youth in the West was not satisfied with their religion . I asked him to repeat what he had said then. I said if that was case ,you must accept Islam.

On the other Pakistan and Pakistanis are poor . In July-August floods played havoc with the country’s economy . But there was not a single suicide case . Because the people of Pakistan have faith in God (Muslims’ Allah).
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02:22 PM on 10/12/2010
Ever wondered what loses have accrued with the separation of the church and rhe state . Family values have eroded . Sexual mores have ceased to exist in the west .
10:05 PM on 10/12/2010
"But there was not a single suicide case ."

This seems unlikely, as such a thing would not be reported for the shame it brings upon the family -- this is also true in the United States.

But I take your meaning; happiness is a state of mind that associates with service and purpose, and faith in the future.
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Hysterian68
bureaucrat/historian/ranter
04:05 PM on 10/11/2010
"No matter how well intentioned, anti-gay Christians need to understand that their nonstop rhetoric of sin and punishment creates a toxic environment that views LGBT people as less than fully human and thus deserving of socially or religiously sanctioned violence -- including self-inflicted violence."

Some of the worst offenders are the Roman Catholic bullies in purple, the Catholic bishops, who are teaching a doctrine of hatred. While, at the same time, giving support and comfort to crazed criminals and other mentally unbalanced creatures to perform outrageous acts against gays and lesbians.

The Catholic people in the pews need to reject these bishops and eject them from their thrones and pulpits.
Carroll27
Nature's own nice conservative
12:17 PM on 10/13/2010
You're hysterical. and I don't mean in a funny way.
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Michele Somerville
04:54 PM on 10/10/2010
A wonderful discussion of this senseless suffering. For more on (RC) religious homophobia this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michele-somerville/catholic-church-homophobia_b_750254.html
Carroll27
Nature's own nice conservative
12:17 PM on 10/13/2010
Sweet buddha, are you advertising yourself now?
04:02 PM on 10/08/2010
I like this article and I agree that the bullying must cease. I am not a big fan of gay marriage but stating a opinion is one thing and deliberately hurting someone else's feelings is another. Simply put it is just not cool. Frankly, I'm getting to a point where if people who are so religious can be okay with hate speech I'm not sure if I'm on the right side of the discussion anymore.
12:38 PM on 10/08/2010
This is a nice, quiet, reasoned response to vitriolic hatred.

It's time for pro-gay religious leaders to stand up on the truly public platform of TV and call out the homophobic hypocrites for what they are.

Start with the belated "I condemn the actions of Uganda' (wink-wink, nudge-nudge) from Rick Warren.
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Mark Olmsted
essayist, blogger, activist
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f0rTyLeGz
Everything is falling.
06:04 PM on 10/07/2010
All of the homophobes that I know are trapped in religious dogma. And they believe that gays chose that "lifestyle."

I think that the way to really make change is through education. For example, when you show homophobes that many animals also exhibit homosexuality, they seldom accept it. But it is very easy to disabuse them of their lack of knowledge... and although they will seldom change their minds right then and there... I think it slowly can change them.
10:18 PM on 10/07/2010
in someways they do. A brother and sister can be attracted to each other but they choose not to act because of society, same with gays they could if they wanted to. In the animal kingdom they have incest but i doubt society or law will accept that. Also they have rape to in animal kingdom samething, im not religious i just don't like people telling me what i should or shouldnt like.
05:57 AM on 10/08/2010
Once, long ago as an undergraduate I took a course in art criticism and I clearly remember the professor admonishing us with this:"Who gives a s#!t what you like or don't like? I need to hear fact, logic and reason." Nuff said.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
10:51 AM on 10/08/2010
Err, gay people aren't attracted to *everyone* of the same sex, Carnitine. Being gay doesn't mean someone gets the right to say you must go without the fullness of love and affection and attraction, and sex *ever.*

Just cause someone claims you're wrong, don't exist, and make a choice about where your attractions lie.

This is teen bullying over LGBT issues: what you seem to keep missing here is that the bullying people to near death starts long before people *do* any of these 'sins' of yours.

It's not a *moralistic* argument to say that homosexuality exists in other animals: that only means that the assertions of religious people that claim homosexuality is 'chosen' are factually *wrong.* It means that the basis of most religious claims that gay people are 'choosing to be sinners,' (My Gods, man, especially children who may not even *be* LGBT or have so much as had their first kiss get beaten and harassed.)

You don't have to 'like' sex you don't want, but you also *don't* get to make these claims about people just cause they have or seem to have a different orientation.

Why *should* people 'choose' to pretend to be straight, deny themselves love and affection and instead try and punish themselves into deceiving themselves and others about who they love? Cause you 'don't like' them?' Cause you have some weak rationalizations of 'divine stigmas' based on what ain't true?

'LGBT people can choose our mates.
06:57 AM on 10/08/2010
I forgot to add, the statement "I think it slowly can change them." really bothers me. Lets say religious people abide by the law(recognize gay marriage legally, equal rights etc) they should still have a right to not want to associate with gays on a personal level. I don't understand why they don't understand that. People can be tolerate of each other but you cant make people see eye to eye on everything.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
10:59 AM on 10/08/2010
You have a 'right not to want to associate' with anyone you don't like. But that doesn't mean what you *say* about people is true. Keep in mind this is about *kids* right now.

Anti-gay people blame the victims of the actual bullies and injustices and claim it's 'free speech' to support the bullying and to *demand LGBTQ kids don't hear anything *but* the bullying and anti-gay dogma.* They don't want 'free speech,' they want the *only* speech. And they ain't telling the truth.

Or remembering this is *children,* here, and young adults in high school... Remember that a lot of the victims aren't *even* gay, or haven't *even* had any relationships, certainly not before the bashing starts. Like what they say *about* gay people, when they say someone *is* gay, it doesn't even have to be *true,* you know. Since when do bullies fact-check?
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f0rTyLeGz
Everything is falling.
05:24 PM on 10/08/2010
Well... hopefully you will not be able to rationalize that there is anything wrong with gays. They didnt choose to be gay, they were born gay... just like you were born with an attraction to your sister. You will always have a right to associate with whom you want, BUT when you lose your reason to not like them, hopefully slowly your heart will change.
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Ernie Lijoi
10:27 AM on 10/07/2010
this problem, and so many more, would resolve itself if people had the capacity to think critically and recognized that the ridiculous gods they've been spoon fed to them since they were children are just as make believe as santa claus.
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JShankel
I want my country forward
03:17 PM on 10/07/2010
Nah, they'll just find some other reason to hate.  Plenty of people believe in one sort of god or another and it inspires them to be loving and kind.  All religion does is allow people to excuse themselves to do what they were going to do anyway.

It's not like there are a lot of people in the world saying "gee, I'd really love to be kind and compassionate toward homosexuals, but gosh darn the luck, there's that one line from Leviticus, so I guess I need to taunt and torment them...o woe is me."

Cuz can't help but notice they have no problem eating shellfish and they don't call agribusiness an abomination if they mix crops in the same field.
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Dan Jighter
05:01 PM on 10/07/2010
But do you really think anyone is saying "gee, I would really like to hate those homosexuals". They get the idea from somewhere and it is no mystery religion plays a big role in making people homophobic.

Part of it seems to be that they find themselves in a community and culture. All humans want to belong. Well, the community is lead by a preacher claiming homosexuality is a sin based on Leviticus and the community is homophobic as well. One becoming homophobic follows. It's a form of group think. And they ignore the part about shellfish because enjoying shrimp is also part of the culture.

They may adopt other reasons to hate, like Nazism or Communism. But no doubt that is also under ideology and group think that discourages critical thinking.

I much agree with Ernie. We should encourage them to think critically. The lack of critical thinking related to their religious beliefs is a worrisome part of the problem.
10:19 PM on 10/12/2010
To restate your point; this problem and so many more would resolve itself if people weren't people.

Well, they are people and they aren't going to change so you need to identify a more practical solution (in my opinion; whether you do or not is entirely up to you).
04:01 AM on 10/07/2010
It is just horrifying that young vulnerable people are exposed to the kind of pressures that cause them to consider suicide, and still worse, to act on such thoughts. Our clear duty is to help them in any way we can. I applaud the writer of this piece for standing up for them in a religious atmosphere which is so poisoned by ideologies which have proven so fatally damaging to so many teens.
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conscioushope
"There is no darkness but ignorance." Shakespeare
08:20 AM on 10/07/2010
Yes, pete!

It is horrifying indeed.......and some of the "poisoned....ideologies" are represented on this very thread. Hard to believe! It behooves us all to speak up, speak out, and do whatever we can in our little corners of the world to make a difference!

{{fanned}}
10:21 PM on 10/12/2010
"It is just horrifying that young vulnerable people are exposed to the kind of pressures that cause them to consider suicide, and still worse, to act on such thoughts.

Karl Marx proposed removing all children immediately from parents and raising them in state institutions. I'm not sure this would eliminate bullying. Another approach would be to cull all "outliers" and ensure that all children were identical as to size, weight, I.Q., and every other factor used by bullies to taunt each other. A third option is simply to not put children in groups. A fourth option, found more in religious private schools, imposes strict discipline and regimen where opportunity for bullying is pretty well eliminated.
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blueeyedbull
A sense of humor is one of the most sexy qualities
02:36 AM on 10/07/2010
Our government is a major part of the problem. You don't want to repeal DADT, you are saying gays are less. You don't want to legalize gay marriage, you are saying gays are less. I realize that repealing DADT and legalizing gay marriage is not going to stop the hatred towards gays, but it is a first step. I may piss off a lot of people, but parents teach our children and in order for the hatred to end they need another person to tell them that hatred towards gays is unacceptable. I don't know any gay person that is trying to "recruit" someone. We are just trying to live our lives and be treated humanely. Next time you need help, does it really matter if the person helping you is gay or straight?
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
01:24 PM on 10/07/2010
I've been thinking, at news of another little girl bullied to death (Weak heart) at the age of *twelve* for being a 'lesbian,' ...What we're so much dealing with here is not about 'sins,' but rather about kids following the example of virulently homophobic preachers and politicians... In America, you have GOP and the Tea Party saying 'You aren't real Americans, you don't count, you don't deserve to be included in civil rights, ...and using slurs and defamations quite openly.

How many of these bullies are getting the message that it's open season on *anybody* they can call 'gay?'

This is outrageous and it starts right with the religious dogmas that the pols and bullies use for their own ends. Vociferously, and frankly, crazily.

Meanwhile, we're dealing with their homophobia and watching these tragedies when this is *supposed* to be a time of hope and change and things getting *better.* What are the kids supposed to think?

It makes me furious: the Christian Right and GOP don't even want LGBT kids to even *be exposed* to non-negative mention of people like themselves, and if we adults who've been through it, the same people calling bullying 'free speech' claim it's 'Gay recruitment' and try to break up even the kids Gay-Straight Alliances.
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JShankel
I want my country forward
03:18 PM on 10/07/2010
I don't think DADT is leading kids to suicide.  I'm pretty sure it's the more immediate taunting and tormenting of their direct peers.  It's the bullying, not the national politics.  Though the national politics is, I agree, a disgrace at this point.
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cwebster
predominantly exasperated
10:10 PM on 10/07/2010
The attitudes behind DADT and DOMA are the same attitudes that go into raising children. Selfish people who have no problem denying people equal rights. If you approve of DADT or DOMA, you are culpable for the attitudes that are killing these children.
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
11:11 AM on 10/08/2010
I think you may not realize the effect it can have on kids' fragile hopes when you have *the government* being an irrational oppressor like with DADT and DOMA and all the hate-speech from the pulpits and pundits and all: at least if we were equal citizens of these United States, then kids would have the thing you know about any hellish high-school or unemancipated situation, 'This is going to be over, just gotta get through this time, and then there's freedom.'

These are hopes that politicians may smash in their bid for theocratic power, (or 'lower taxes,' ) or crassly exploit by promising and never delivering, but they are hopes that keep kids going. One day being free. That it in fact gets better.

It's one thing to be kind of locked in a box with your tormentors, ....the thought that it's going to be the same *outside* that box can become unbearable. As this should make clear.
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TheHedgeWitch
I'll take three pointy ones and a packet of gravel
12:41 AM on 10/07/2010
Any religion that encourges, sanctifies, or ignores such predjudice, is a false religion, regardless of what their holy scripture says.
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conscioushope
"There is no darkness but ignorance." Shakespeare
08:21 AM on 10/07/2010
Exactly, Hedge!

I stand with you!

{{fanned}}
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JShankel
I want my country forward
03:19 PM on 10/07/2010
I recommend a slight edit:

"...religion...is...false." Post Comment
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11:27 PM on 10/06/2010
Personal distaste and hate are about the same thing when the former is being used as an excuse to discriminate against a group of people and deny them equal rights
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conscioushope
"There is no darkness but ignorance." Shakespeare
11:38 PM on 10/06/2010
I couldn't agree with you more, Danny!

{{fanned}}
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blueeyedbull
A sense of humor is one of the most sexy qualities
02:38 AM on 10/07/2010
Thank you Danny. F& F.
10:34 PM on 10/06/2010
I think personal distaste for homosexual acts are being confused with hate.

I have two gay friends who are quite vocal about their negative views on traditional sex, but I know they don't hate me.

They sure tease me a lot, though. Harumph.
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Chronicsurfer
10:47 PM on 10/06/2010
When LGBT have all the same rights as everyone else, then and only then can this be a valid statement.
10:30 PM on 10/12/2010
Fortunately, you are not the decider of valid statements -- and I am not the decider of validators of valid statements. I guess we'll just have to let people voice their opinions without saying which ones are "valid".
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LintLass
"When you can balance a tackhammer on your head...
10:49 PM on 10/06/2010
I think you're the one confusing your 'personal distaste' for both your God and other people's lives...

And I think you're confusing your justifications *for* this hate with something that matters when your words and social abuse ostracise kids and lead them to despair and death.
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10:16 PM on 10/06/2010
"Tough love is compassionate" as a gay-hater on this thread posted. Hard to imagine any tougher "love" than killing oneself because you're gay and that is exactly what countless gay people have done. Rational people (as opposed to Christian gay-haters) might conclude from that that same-sex orientation is natural, innate and immutable. Or do homosexual twelve or fifteen year olds who've never even had sex kill themselves because being gay is a fun part of the "gay lifestyle"? Oh, but, I forgot, facts and reason are an elitist liberal thing.
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Chronicsurfer
10:36 PM on 10/06/2010
F&F
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conscioushope
"There is no darkness but ignorance." Shakespeare
11:04 PM on 10/06/2010
John~

Faved, since I am a fast fan!
10:13 PM on 10/06/2010
The homosexual community/media always blasts the Church. Let me give you the 411. Most people don't even go to Church in America. And when was the last time a priest, minister, or rabbi even mentioned homosexuality in church/syngue?. Never at my church. I believe NOBODY should be subjected to harrasement and these suicides makes me sad. But take your anti Christian hatred elsewhere.
Carroll27
Nature's own nice conservative
10:18 PM on 10/06/2010
Hear hear. F&F.
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MatthewRobertson
I'm 26. I'm gay. I like film. I care about shit.
10:20 PM on 10/06/2010
In all honesty and I say this in the nicest way I possibly can, you are full of it.

Google the thousands of Christian Organizations out there and do a search on their site for Homosexuality. Focus on the Family, on of the biggest contributers to evangelical Christians personal lives, would be a good place for you to start.
10:30 PM on 10/06/2010
Do you/ Did you go to Church? Have you ever heard the gay community condemmed from the pulpit. I go to Mass every Sunday and NEVER ONCE has it been mentioned. I am not saying it doesn't happen ever, but its not that common.
Carroll27
Nature's own nice conservative
10:32 PM on 10/06/2010
Then again, you just prove his point when you tell him he's full of it. I guess his experience isn't yours, and thus, he is wrong wrong wrong. I wish I had your confidence, Matt.

I can tell you as a life-long Catholic who goes to church not just over the weekend but over the week that I've never heard homosexuality preached as a topic. I've heard everything on Christ, Christ's love, etc., and even a few bits on why abortion is wrong. But that's about it. I think you're cherry-picking the few evangelical/fundamentalist groups out there and saying, "See! Christianity is hateful!" It just doesn't work that way.