02/27/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Is this Politician too Green?

If elected I will ask the citizens of the city to break this town open; to descend upon the concrete and pavement with a wave of amateur jackhammers. When our park experts confirm that you have released actual dirt to the touch... I promise you - this little squeeze of earth will receive the keys to the city. Senior officials will greet the return of the native soil with a government decree full of laughter.

My fellow citizens, my Ecstatic Conservation Act will immediately help us with our budget crisis and be added to the curriculum in the schools. Urban gardening, CO-2 scrubbing, the benefits to children who suffer Nature Deprivation Syndrome (NDS) - the benefits are compelling. How could we know that help was on the way -- yet it was waiting so close by, under our feet. Where is it? Over there - holding up a million screaming tires.

Yes, if elected I promise we will take a morally passionate hammer to the endless pavement and release the magic smelly stuff that waits beneath. We will award you tax credits and zoning protections. I will direct our Parks Commissioner to initiate a program of overwhelming mulch - yes rich complex wheelbarrows of mulch, teeming with cities of invisible animals, hard-working single-cell singers and eaters and Green-a-lujah! - I hardly know what to say, my fellow Americans, I am overcome with emotion.

In closing, rest assured that if elected -- every small forest you allow to burst from the earth will receive a plaque, a dedication, and coloratura sopranos own loan from the Met will rise like flocks of Purple Finches, they will take solar powered mass transit from Lincoln Center and yes the city will commission the great ladies to enter your neighborhood singing. Why do the right thing people if you don't do it with panache?! What are these great ladies singing? Why - Pablo Neruda love poems!

Junto al mar en ontono tu risa debe alzar su cascada de espuma! Next to the sea in the autumn your laughter must raise in foamy cascade! Quiero tu risa como la flor que yo esperaba! I want you laughter like the flower I was waiting for!

Do you see a city of neighborhoods encouraging these resuscitated patches of earth, just beginning to breath after years of the straightjacket? Every time we hear Neruda ringing up the street we know that the seed of a flower is getting ready for its laughter. Oh the singers will stroll, looking for new dirt. And at the end of the day, the appropriate city officials will help the enormous divas return to their wind-powered dirigibles, but that legislation is still under development and I won't go into that here.

-Reverend Billy