It's An Election and I Want What I Want

10/01/2008 09:24 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

It's no secret that I lean left. I think the world of FDR and JFK, and I don't know if I can stand to hear one more misguided ditto-head, all glassy-eyed and empty-headed, deify Reagan. (Really, people, my gag reflex can only take so much.)

Today I will take a break from my all too partisan perch and ask... What is going on here?! When it became clear that Obama and McCain would be the nominees, I was optimistic. With two men of principle and integrity who have, to some extent, built careers out of bemoaning the morass of the political status quo, I thought we might finally get the kind of campaign we deserve. But instead we have white people accusing black people of racism, men calling women anti-feminist, and of course, lipstick on pigs. Maybe this is the campaign we deserve.

We're mired in two wars, Bear Sterns, Lehman Brothers and now WaMu are deader than Keith Richards modeling for Vuitton, and we're talking about beauty products on shit-bathers! Not pigs as in "pork barrel spending," but pigs as in Babeor bacon!


Last night proved one thing to me watching ole Gov. Palin. She wants to know the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom, while I want to know why the American financial system is imploding. I guess that means we have different interests. Yeah, yeah, tomato, tomahto.

Republicans and Democrats, right and left, McCain and Obama, they've all let us down. Let me count the ways.

It is, simply put, a lot of rhetorical hypocrisy. Lobbyists for each side rear slander as they self-index their own agendas, fueling rampant rhetoric that is hardly ever relevant to, well, anything. Yet the truth is so lost that as the rhetoric grows, actual reality, issues and matters of importance fade. Instead, we are saturated in spin as the day-to-day realities are lost in the shuffle. No offense, Criss Angel, but illusions are not my thing nor am I in the mood to get mind-freaked right now.

Ugly smear campaigns are running the process. (Again, why did I think two esteemed Senators might be above this?) Do us all a favor, would you take a page right out of the good 'ole book of FDR and rise above this nonsense? Sen. Obama, I am talking to you. Don't just back down, rise up and put the justified conversations out there. Don't wait for supporters who talk to themselves to do it for you, gentlemen.

Here's the thing. I don't care how many cars John McCain may have, or how much drugs his wife may take, or how many celebrity endorsements Obama can procure. I don't even care how much their wives' outfits may cost (I admit I did like Michelle in that black and white number). You and I know it does not matter. None of it. It's a non-issue distraction, and frankly I find it offensive. Sure it's a little entertaining, but when I'm sans audience I'm strictly offended.

Hypocrisy and rhetoric trucks on in form of who has more. Republicans scoff at Obama's experience and claim it isn't enough. Palin's experience somehow doesn't matter because she's Alaskan where they get their knowledge by osmosis. McCain is too outdated (by outdated I really mean old). Biden? Well, people are too Palin-whipped with visions of GILFs dancing through their minds to take notice of the serious candidate to the left. Some smart people have actually called Ms. Palin "stunning." How is the electorate supposed to react to that!

One pesky word keeps popping up, experience. It's a word that counts. But I don't get the meaning: experience of what? They've mastered Going Through the Motions 101. All I want to see is the experience of the candidates' mouths moving so the non-sayers can make some decisions out there.

Which means: it does not matter what side you're on--not anymore! It matters what happens to our country next. O and Mc better shed the nonsense and represent who they claim to be. Now that we've beaten the pit bull and lipstick joke into the ground let's call out for a real race now. We've gone through eight years of ridiculous Bushisms, and we deserve an election process that makes us feel good, that brings the messed-up country together.

And if Maybelline or MAC were smart they'd say just that in a cosmetics ad right now.

Who am I? The author of the new book 2011: Trendspotting ( and the beleaguered CEO of RLM PR in NY. And you know I approved this message.