As My Household Shows, We're a Divided Nation

I am worried. Just back from the Democratic Convention in Denver, an almost joyous event that was arguably a seminal moment of our time, I have never been this charged up, this excited, this hopeful and this concerned. Charged up that I am a part of genuine movement of people, of citizens, to positively alter the course of history. Excited that I have witnessed a unified front coming from a once fractious Democratic Party. Hopeful that the course of events culminating in the great Obama speech has swayed the fence-sitters to jump off and join in. But concerned that the politics of propaganda and panic will induce the middle of the voting pack to fall back on old rhetoric and Cold War paranoia.

I was oh-so anxious to return home and discuss the week's events with my wife. My wife, Sheila of the Hillary camp, of the middle-American, working-class, Catholic, voting block, of a father who landed on Omaha Beach in June of '44 and who wouldn't vote for John Kerry four years ago because the young Kerry had returned from Viet Nam and while still a soldier voiced opposition to the war; Sheila of an extended clan of old coal miners and blue-collar patriots who believe in family values and God and winning with honor.

We had fought like pack dogs throughout the primary season; myself for Joe Biden early on and then for the ultimate nominee, Barack Obama, and Sheila for Hillary Clinton, a woman she grew to admire and idolize. And throughout the primary season, she persisted in warning me that she, along with an army of Hillary-ites, infuriated by real and perceived misogyny and mistreatment by the press, will abandon the Democrats and vote for Republican John McCain.

Then, as it became clear that the inevitable winner would be Obama, Sheila warned that she would bale again if Hillary wasn't the Vice-Presidential nominee. One day before the convention, Joe Biden, my guy, was chosen. She showed me the emails that spread rumor of dissent, of protest plans and walk-outs. None of it happened. Hillary and Bill were magnanimous and magnificent in their mutual calls for unity and their unqualified support for Obama. And conventioneers rejoiced with a singular voice. I imagined Sheila moved to tears as she watched from home. I thought: done deal! Let's move on and take the whole shebang.

I came home exhilarated, kissed my kids, kissed my wife and with eyes wide open asked: "Well?" She was: "impressed but not convinced"; "moved but not moving"; and, unbelievable to my ears, "still considering McCain". I love my wife... but sometimes not so much. Frustration and fights can muck up a good thing. And just when a thing can move past differences and into the realm of peace and prosperity, another thing - an old idea or new interpretation or any spark that relights the paradigms that comfort us - will keep us where we are, where it is safe. Therein lies the challenge: this promise of change is a scary proposition.

It seems not to matter that we are at the brink of a war that may spread beyond Afghanistan and Iraq to Iran and Georgia and then where? To Syria? To North Korea? To China? That we in America are in economic doldrums and are seeing small businesses fold and houses reclaimed by banks and a smouldering panic that is palpable everywhere. My beautiful and loving wife, despite seeing her own small business begin to show troubling signs of downturn after years of worry-free success, despite her passion on women's issues, despite having a son and daughter who may be conscripted, may vote for the party responsible for the entire mess.

I will sneak out early on election day, vote, get a tub of roses and a vat of champagne and hold my wife hostage in love and seduction until she realizes that the booths have closed and her voting rights expired. Perhaps we can do the same in western Pennsylvania and Ohio and Indiana - we'll have hoedowns and square-dances and prayer meetings and whiskey and make the whole lot of them happily drunk and content enough for inaction.

But the bottom line is that this is where we are: a still fractious and divided nation, split right down the middle, as represented by my very own household. I am moved to think that we, along with the Obama/Biden team, will begin to change the very culture of the way we do business with each other and the world at large. That we should use "Example as power rather than power as example"; that "America's promise [is] of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort."

I ask myself why these tenets are so rejected by the opposition, by my wife. Is it racism? Is it the propaganda of family values and God and the manifest destiny of American domination of the world as a righteous cause? Is it that John McCain is still perceived as a maverick and revered for his heroic war service? Is it the singular issue for some women that Hillary Clinton was castigated in certain media and an object of old-school misogyny that is unacceptable and cause enough to abandon the very politics that she supports?

I can't answer these questions, as I don't understand the thinking and emotional investment that defends them.

My opinion of John McCain is different. Here is a man who had his moment in history already pass him by. After being eviscerated and politically castrated in the 2000 Republican primaries by the Bush PR machine; accused falsely of fathering an illegitimate and racially mixed child, he was given a chance at redemption and a chance to save the world from a man he considered at the time to be dangerous and untrustworthy. He could have run as a third party candidate and taken enough votes away from George W. to seal the election for Al Gore. He passed.

Four years later, John Kerry had talks with McCain about running as his Vice-President; a dream ticket that would surely bring down the Bush regime. Again he passed. When I ask Washington insiders why, they can only conclude that the reason was simple, unadulterated ambition to be President. But what a price to pay. This is a man who could have saved the world from the last eight years of disaster and instead is content to inherit the aftermath. But the other half of the divide chooses to imagine the younger McCain, the independent, free thinking, iconoclast he may very well have been once, long ago.

And now McCain has picked Sarah Palin of Alaska for the office of Vice-President. I'm sure she is capable of governing the frozen tundra of her state (couldn't help myself) and is surely a force to be reckoned with on some level. But no one can convince me thatMcCain has chosen a running mate who is capable of stepping into the Oval Office in the event of the death of the President. And let's face it, that scenario isn't beyond the realm of possibility. And even with this, I hear in real and electronic voices "we like her," "she's warm and personable," she's a soccer mom who has become accomplished and powerful." What?

And so we stay divided: My country, my wife and I. I am stumped. But I am stubborn in my hope that Americans across the great divide, including one who sleeps in my bed, will wake up to more lofty dreams.

I imagine an America that can actually change. That we become a nation that prospers again but without pillaging the resources of nations that make their people hate us. That we become a nation that, as the constitution says in its preamble, its very first paragraph, "promotes the general welfare" of its people.

When new ideas and belief-altering evidence confronts us, many of us still shout that the world is flat, or global climate change is cyclical, or women belong in the home. I can only remember when great agents of change come to us, it seems as many reject their presence as rejoice in it. Kennedy won office by the slimmest margin in our history to that point. Martin Luther King made as many or more enemies than there were marchers by his side.

Many of us Americans are still inert, isolated and content to stay on our couches and watch on television and iPods as the world goes by. This idea of change means, at least, getting up, going out into the real world and opening our eyes. It seems too much of an effort for many of us. Much to my utter shock, after eight years of what most Americans consider a disaster in the Oval Office, we again face an election that may come down to the wire, neck and neck.

I can only hope that the roses and champagne do their magic and maybe this change I hope for will win by just that one vote. It may be that close.

Originally published in the London Independent

Comments

[eden4barack08]

I don't know how you can live this way at such an important time for our nation. Me, I'd use that as grounds for divorce.

[sextonfan]

I agree. I wouldn't sleep with anyone who'd consider voting Mc Cain:-).

[SailawayJane]

So your wife is voting for this ticket simply because a woman is on it. Without knowing a shred of verified information, she makes her pick because of gender. Not on issues not on substance. How in the world she could do that I cannot even comprehend. Palin is the least experienced candidate I have ever seen. It isn't just that this woman represents everything I am against, it's that Palin has no foreign policy experience, no experience talking to world leaders, no national security. And the scandals surrounding her are telling. I wanted Hillary to win, too. But I will not sell out my vote for the wrong woman. That's absurd. Palin stands for everything Hillary is against. And this particular woman runs from the media. She's off limits because McCain says she is. The arrogance of that had me so upset, I actually made calls to Alaska to talk to her constituents to see if I could find anything out about her. I did. The spin may be saying one thing, but it isn't working on everyone. My elderly aunts are republicans and saw through the facade immediately. They were offended by Palin's snippy, insulting comments and the audacity that on her introduction to America, she didn't tell the truth. They've never voted for a democrat in their lives...until now. I feel sad that your wife is willing to settle for four more years of the same thing.

[sirclown]

You, an Obama, supporter say "I am stumped." Funny. John McCain once said those same words.

Except he did it when asked if condom use reduces the spread of HIV.

I wish I were kidding.

What a message for future AIDS victims to hear from the President of the United States.

[hopefullee]

I just (happily) read an article titled

"Palin's Speech Didn't Move Undecided or Democratic Women Voters"

at U.S. News & World Reports (link here: http://tinyurl.com/6okvb2).

Hate to say it, but it sounds like your wife may represent the exception rather than the norm.

[BandsofBlack]

Any woman who could vote for McCain-Palin was never a true Hillary supporter to begin with.

Tell your wife that a vote for McCain-Palin is a slap in the face for Hillary.

And if that doesn't work have her watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QG1vPYbRB7k

And read this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/frank-schaeffer/sarah-palin-americas-lips_b_124213.html

[Steve123]

Richard:
I also originally supported Biden, and now support Obama. Though my wife is on board, it took me weeks to convince my mother-in-law, who lives in a gated community down in South Florida. Her husband passed away a few months ago and this is the first presidential election in 60 years that she is on her own. Keeping her persuaded, arming her with replies to lob back at those of her friends down at the clubhouse who are McCain supporters, at times seems almost like a full-time job. (Ever try to explain how to view the Daily Show's McCain Convention Bio over the telephone to someone who started using a computer six weeks ago?) Every day brings a new battle to be won ("My friend Dorothy says that Obama really did badly on FOX News. Is that true?") And I wouldn't give it up for the world. I think persuading those close to us, and keeping them persuaded, is even more important than persuading those we don't know. I also think that there's less division, and more confusion, out there than you think. If we want this badly enough, we will find a way to communicate it.

Don't forgot the immortal words you had Toby speak in Episode 5: "The World can move, or not, by changing some words."

[luckyinnc]

"I can't answer these questions, as I don't understand the thinking and emotional investment that defends them."

Perhaps it is the narrow minds of people who say "Perhaps we can do the same in western Pennsylvania and Ohio and Indiana - we'll have hoedowns and square-dances and prayer meetings and whiskey and make the whole lot of them happily drunk and content enough for inaction"

We now know who has the intelligence in your household.

[Enlightened22]

Did you ever ask yourself, what am I doing with this woman? You seem to avoid the question entirely.

[barkanomics]

How utterly sad for you and what a test of your marriage. To me this election is a life or death question. I have completely run out of patience and tolerance for the Republicans. they give us no respect. they question our patriotism and deny our right to health care, housing, education and for many of us, food. They employ us in jobs without attention to our health or safety. They sell us drugs and many other products that haven't been adequately tested. they kill the hopes and dreams of our children. They poison the air, the sky and the oceans. They let our plant and animal populations die. They mock our religion. And they judge us based on the color of our skins, the size of our bank accounts, the cities and neighborhoods we live in. They trash our beloved Constitution and Bill of Rights. They take away our vote. They burn our books and our art. They throw us in jail with out charges or right to an attorney. They even torture us. They lie to us and they steal from us. They murder our brothers and sisters. As Obama said in his stunning acceptance speech, "ENOUGH!"

[robeson]

It truly is tragic that your spouse may vote again for a right wing governor who has no international experience nor interest.

[pixy242a]

This is getting into silly season. How do we know how many were democrats or republicans? The dems are very interested in this election and would have watched Palin and McCain, at least.

Besides, after Palin's speech, the Democrats got 8 times in $ contributions than the Repubs. Why was that? Obviously they watched in large number to see what the new ticket was going to look like.

[WolfLarsen]

The truth is the election was Hillary's to lose and she did. Her campaign's sense of entitlement and arrogance caused them to make strategic mistakes. The fact that Obama ran a smart campaign and Hillary didn't just can't be accepted by some of her supporters. Free country.

When people vote out of vengeance they lose perspective. They lose rationality and are willing to vote against their own interests as long as the guilty are punished. Barrack is guilty because he was smarter then her....ran a better campaign and kept his hubris and arrogance in check. In the eyes of some that was his greatest sin.....being a superior politician.

I felt no matter who won from the Democratic side would be the best leader for America. Either one would be historic. I have been waiting a lifetime to see a woman or an African American become President and this year it seemed like I would win no matter who lost.

But for some all that matters is sending a message no matter how badly they hurt their own interests and all of the progress and sacrifice made by so many before them. Just get your pound of flesh and live with the consequences.....I mean the only thing that really matters is payback....right?

[bwilder]

Richard- good article. I do hope your lovely but apparently misguided spouse comes to
her senses and does not cast her vote for the party that dispenses the misogyny like candy-corn on Halloween. I get her feelings about Hillary- maybe your wife can ask herself "What Would Hillary Do?"
That's not too hard to answer and Hills and Bill will be on the campaign trail in short order.

Sarah Palin is a slap in the face to Hillary Clinton and all women. She was chosen specifically for her
looks and her willingness to carry water for the GOP. She's complicit of course because it
she's putting ambition ahead of family and country. Not a role model in any sense of the
word and I'd be embarrassed to hold her up as example to my daughter.

My daughter, myself, and your wife are worth so much more than an empty skirt and just one more female willing to bat her eyes while lying in order to get ahead. Ugh!!!!!!!


In any event your plan be of roses and champagne sounds perfect and I'd be quite happy to
contribute to this plan!

I too, own a small business which for the first time in several years, is showing a stalling pattern
that began about 60 days ago......this is not coincidental.

Donate. Volunteer. Vote.
www.Obama08.com

[proveit2me]

Why I disagree and shake my head at reasons Republicans give for voting as they do, i can at least understand their positions (even if think they are dangerously and entirely wrong). I can not however understand the Hillary Supporters for McCain phenomenon. What are they supporting? not a philosophy, a position, not a vision, not even a person. A sense of vengeance? A symbol? I'm not judging. I am genuinely mystified.

[KayDGee]

Was there really a modern day Josiah Bartlett? Richard is as deft with a phrase as Toby Ziegler. I regret the number of posts I see from people once again being led to the slaughter by the McCain camp. It is really difficult to undertand why people from the heartland who are barely scraping by continue to laud the administration and its doppelganger candidate who take from the poor to give to the rich.