April 10, 2007 News Update

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi blasted by White House, Cheney, and other Republicans for going to Syria. Deafening silence about Republican Congressmen who went to Syria just before and right after Pelosi. Maybe CIA never found out about Republicans.

Sen. John McCain visits Baghdad marketplace to demonstrate area's improved security. Especially improved by hundreds of soldiers, helicopter gunships overhead and super-armored Humvee. Bet that kind of Humvee would work well in battle, too.

White House holds annual Easter Egg Hunt. The president didn't find any. He was looking for them at his ranch in Texas.

Baseball season opens, but President Bush, a onetime team owner, sits on bench, does not throw out first ball. Hey, George, a little booing might be good for you.

Iran releases British sailors after 15 days. What does Tony Blair know that Jimmy Carter didn't? Iranian president says release was to mark birthday of the Prophet, March 30. Good thing he wasn't born on Dec. 30. President also describes release as "gift" to British people. First you steal something, then give it back as a "gift."? No wonder Middle East is so screwed up.

Ted Koppel predicted British would be held long time. In 1979, he predicted American hostages would be released quickly. How do I get to be your bookie, Ted?

Don Imus, aka Anus, stirs another furor by referring to Rutgers' girls' basketball team as "nappy-headed ho's." Gets suspended from air for two weeks. During which time he should have to play basketball with them.

Fellow schlock jock Howard Stern says Imus should have said to critics: "F..k you, it's a joke. Proposed new reality show: Imus, Stern and Al Sharpton are thrown into an outhouse. Last one out wins.

Bill O'Reilly and Geraldo Rivera scream at each other on TV over immigration. Next stop, Wrestlemania?

Juxtaposed internet magazine headlines: "Oil plunges to $62/barrel." "Gas prices rise 18 cents/gallon." Huh?

Newsmax headline: "Obama tries to hide white grandmother." Where? In New Hampshire?

Media go into frenzy over campaign fund-raising figures. Only 18 months of journalistic hysteria left before Election Day.

Former Bush Cabinet member and Governor, Tommy Thompson, enters GOP presidential race. Republicans eagerly awaiting another Thompson.

Jesse Jackson comes out in support of Obama. Stop the presses!

Keith Richards claims to have snorted cremated father's ashes along with cocaine. But did he get satisfaction?

Billionare Charles Simonyi, close friend of Martha Stewart, brown bags it in space with quail roasted in Madeira sauce, duck breast confit with capers and semolina cake with dried apricots. And washed down with a nice bottle of Tang, vintage 2007.