April 7, 2008 News Update

Barack Obama, campaigning in Pennsylvania, goes bowling, throws gutter ball. Gutter ball. Sort of sums up current state of campaign.

Rolls a score of 37. 37! If elected president, guess White House bowling alley won't get much use.

Hillary Clinton responds by pointing out she bowls much better, even has own bowling ball. After revelation of tax returns showing Clintons made $109 million over 8 past years, ball probably made of platinum.

$109 Million. There's gold in them thar Hillarys.

Hillary likens herself to Rocky Balboa in the campaign. Overlooking fact that Rocky got clobbered by a black guy who won the fight.

Obama says he would give Al Gore significant role in his administration if elected. Presumably something more significant than being vice president.

Gore celebrates 60th birthday. No candles on cake. Didn't want to contribute to global warming.

President Bush says Iraqi government assault on Shiite militias in Basra is "defining moment" for future of country. Assault fizzles. Iraqi government defined as failure. US policy in Iraq re-defined as disaster.

Blackwater gets renewed contract to protect US diplomats in Iraq despite investigation into killing of 17 Iraqi citizens. Must have same connections as Halliburton.

Australian Prime Minister "salutes" President Bush at international meeting, excoriated at home for appearing to be subservient. He says it was "joke." Right. Saluting George W. Bush is a joke.

Husband of Michigan Sen. Debbie Stabenow admits to paying $150 for sex with prostitute at local motel. At those rates, former NY Gov. Eliot Spitzer wants her phone number.

John McCain embarks on national tour revisiting places that shaped his life. Most important place, Hanoi Hilton, not included.

Ford says tahtah to Jaguar, Land Rover, sells them to Indian company Tata. Now that's some heavy duty outsourcing. Ford paid $5.2 billion for companies, sold them for $1.7 billion. Veddy Edselian. Jag-u-ar in the hands of a company in India. Rulers of British Raj spinning in their graves.

State of West Virginia considering classes on hunting in public schools. Just what we need. More guns in schools. You'd think they might consider dental hygiene first.

Arkansas repeals law allowing toddlers to marry. But you can still marry your cousin.

Major League Baseball season opens. Yawn. Unless you're on steroids.

March Madness: Memphis defeats UCLA 78-63. Kansas defeats North Carolina 84-66. Replicating SAT scores of student-athletes?

Comments

[BusGreg]

Did ya watch hillary bowl on the Ellen D. show? She ain't no mo better than Sen O.