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Richard Valeriani Headshot

Dec. 14, 2009, news update

Posted: Updated:

President Obama goes to Norway to accept Nobel Peace Prize.
Unique experience-only black guy in Oslo.

Shortly after sending 30,000 more American troops to Afghanistan, Obama defends just wars in acceptance speech. Then accused of snubbing Nobel Committee and King of Norway by skipping town before dining with them. No snub intended. Just getting out of town before Nobel Committee could ask him to give back Peace Prize.

What, you didn't know Norway has a King? Harald V. If you do crossword puzzles, you undoubtedly thought it was Olav some Roman numeral.

Obama calls "Fat Cat" Wall Street bankers to White House confab, argues that since they got bailout money from taxpayers, they have obligation to do more to stimulate economy they wrecked, like lending more and curbing executive compensation. Bankers respond in spirit of Christmas: Bah, Humbug.

Bank of America, Citibank pay back bailout loans. Before you compliment them, note that they are no longer restricted as to bonuses they can give. Merry Christmas bank executives.

Senate passes $1.1 Trillion spending bill (too many zeroes to list here) with almost $4 Billion in earmarks, i.e., pet projects for Congressional districts. That sound you here emanating from Capitol Hill is a very loud OINK.

Sen. Joe Leperman tells Senate leader to his face he will filibuster health care reform bill if it includes public option or Medicare expansion. What is your Senate health care coverage if not a public option, Joe?

And why doesn't Harry Reid tell Leperman to his face that if he opposes reform bill, his committee chairmanship will go the way of the public option?

Wife Hadassah Lieberman lobbying on behalf of insurance companies. Do two horse's asses make one horse?

Tiger Woods girlfriends keep erupting. One of his girlfriends says Tiger "well-endowed." Doubt she's talking about his golf balls.

Tiger issues statement saying he's taking "indefinite leave" from golf. That wailing and gnashing of teeth you hear is coming from TV networks that carry golf. But don't fret, there's always professional bowling on TV.

Definition of "indefinite."? See President Obama's speech on withdrawal of American forces from Afghanistan.

During the "indefiniteness," Tiger may try out for the NBA, where his behavior would be considered routine. You scoff? How about Michael Jordan playing baseball?

Tiger sponsors starting to drop out. Accenture...Gillette...perhaps Tag Heuer (that's a Swiss watch company you're never heard of).

But there's always Playboy, Penthouse and KY Jelly.

Tiger's wife Elin reportedly demands, Golf or me! Would it be insensitive to ask, If Tiger isn't getting what he wants or needs at home, isn't that an easy choice?

Jack Nicklaus says Tiger's problems are "none of my business." Classy guy.

Things are getting so bad for Tiger that even Letterman is making jokes about him.

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi hit in face with statuette by assailant described as mentally unstable. Or jealous husband?

Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair defends invasion of Iraq despite failure to discover Weapons of Mass Destruction. Hey, Tony, George W. Bush is out of office, you don't have to be his poodle any more.

Blair now teaching course at Yale. Suppose Yalies are smart enough to avoid course taught by guy who thinks Iraq War was good idea? As a Yalie, I hope so.

Hannukah begins....President Obama issues statement in Hebrew. Too bad most American Jews can't read it. Globally, Jews celebrate by singing "Oy to the World!"