04/10/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Feb. 8, 2010 News Update

Feb. 8, 2010, NEWS UPDATE

Snowmagaddon cripples nation's capital. ShelbyGaddon cripples nation's Capitol.

Ala. Republican Sen. Richard Shelby is blocking 80 Obama nominations until he gets millions of dollars in pork for Alabama. The Senate calls it a "hold." It's usually called blackmail.

Memo to Harry Reid: Stick it to him. Make him filibuster and look silly.

Majority party now has to deal not only with Blue Dog Democrats but RedNeck Republicans.

Toyota faces major recalls over accelerator and brake problems. If your Toyota accelerator sticks for more than four hours, contact your mechanic at once.

Old Toyota tagline. "Toyota. Moving Forward." New tagline: "Toyota. Always Moving Forward."

President Obama taken to task for criticizing corporate trips to Las Vegas. He didn't mean Las Vegas. He really meant Wall Street.

NASA selling Shuttles for millions of dollars. Cash for Clunkers on steroids? Heroin reportedly found in one of Shuttle hangars. Promotional ploy?

What's the next project they can come up with to waste billions of dollars? How about a manned mission to the moon? Oh, we've done that? Well, then how about a manned mission to the sun?

Sen. Dodd screams at banks about financial reform. Critics say it's like alcoholic screaming at bartender.

Sen. McCain now opposes repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy for gays in military after supporting it as presidential candidate. It's called Polheimer's.

Tea Party Convention pays Sarah Palin $100,000 for speech appearance. And these guys claim they're in favor of fiscal responsiblity?

Congress considering reinstitution of Glass-Steagal Act, which prevented bank holding companies from owning other financial institutions. If it wasn't broke, why did you try to fix it? Oh, bank lobbies.......

Oscar best picture nominations expanded to 10 from 5. Guess they just want the TV show to go on a little longer.

Lost begins sixth and final season. Told you a show with a silly plot about a plane crashing on an island and nobody finding the survivors would never make it.

Pandas born in USA returned to China. Joke's on China. Pandas only understand English.

Tiger Woods's wife picked him up from sex rehab center. They got home and he told her he had a headache.

New Orleans Saints win Super Bowl. Screw you, Katrina.

Groundhog Punxatawney Phil sees shadow, predicts six more weeks of winter. Staten Island Chuck does not see shadow, predicts spring is coming. Who do these guys think they are, politicians?