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Richard Valeriani Headshot

July 13, 2009 News Update

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Michael Jackson Memorial this week. Anything else happen in the world?

If you're so snide about it, why is it the first item?

Rites fit for the King of Pop. Or any king, for that matter.

Headlines: Phenomenon in Life. Phenomenon in Death. Talent Trumps Turmoil. Greatest talent ever? Maybe. But surely Greatest ShowBiz Funeral Ever. Sic Transit Gloria Michael.

New York Post not impressed. Columnist headline: "Excess Rites All Wrong for Sicko Freak." Written by Andrea Peyser Killjoy.

Bill O'Reilly weighs in -- or down: "Jackson No Icon for Blacks." Hey, you Irish Honky Bleeper-Bleeper. Who you be telling who's an icon for Blacks? You don't even think Barack Obama's an icon for Blacks, bleeper-bleeper.

Enough already about Jackson. But what about that Ukranian village-Oktyabrskoye in the Zaporizhia region-that wants to rename itself after Jackson? If you were named Oktybrskoye, wouldn't you be looking for any excuse to change it?

CBS Evening News runs news round-up of stories overlooked because of Jackson coverage. No, that's not an SNL skit. It happened. Program concluded with feature about children offering solutions for recession. That's not an SNL skit either.

Sales of Jackson DVD's soar. Death be not proud.

Los Angeles, which is $500 million in debt, spent $2Million on Jackson memorial. Debt be not proud.

Maybe Gov. Schwartzenegger can sell Jackson's Star on Walk of Fame to recoup expenses?

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi rejects idea of resolution honoring Jackson. What about a monument on the Mall?

OK, OK, enough about Jackson But what about the body?

New York Times
runs front-page picture of President Obama meeting with Russian Prime Minister Putin above the fold, picture of Jackson memorial below the fold. What the hell were they thinking?

On same front page, NY Times runs story about porn producers making shorter films for "internet vignettes." Front page! What the hell were they thinking?

Washington Post pimps out its journalistic integrity for paid "salons" giving lobbyists access to Post reporters, editors and government officials. What the hell were they thinking? Why hasn't anyone been fired?

Italy hosts G-8 Summit in L'Aquila, site of earthquake damage, instead of Rome. But weren't brown-bag salami lunches carrying it a bit too far?

Photog snaps shot of Obama ogling 17-year-old delegate's booty. Wonder what Michelle had to say about that.

Supporters of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi promoting him for Nobel Prize. Sorry, Signori, ain't no prize for boorishness.

President Obama meets with Russian Prime Minster Putin, looks at his soles, determines he's a stand-up guy. Short, but stand-up. "Resets" relations with Russia. Without buttons. But gets translation right. Does not raise issue of "South Park" being censored on Russian TV because episode made fun of Putin. Wimp.

Obama also meets with head of Russian Communist Party, who endorses his stimulus plan. Doubt that will appear on White House website.

CIA withheld information about secret counterterrorism plan from Congress for eight years on direct orders from Vice President Cheney. Nancy Pelosi says, see, see, I told you so.

After spending millions to promote his plan to develop world's largest wind energy program T. Boone Pickens suspends it. Wind energy pioneer or windbag?

Ruth Madoff kicked out of $7 million penthouse, but allowed to keep $2.5 million in assets said not to be related to husband's mega-swindle. That's an awful lot of bake sales and car washes.

Sarah Palin featured on cover of Time Magazine. Take that, Letterman.