07/17/2006 10:14 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

July 17 News Update

President Bush Goes to G-8 Summit in Russia, greeted by President Putin. Meeting not considered totally successful-- Putin did not lift Bush's shirt and kiss him on the belly.

Bush Adminstration leaders continue to lecture Putin and other world leaders about democracy. Better they should pay more attention to democracy in this country.

Bush says Israel has right to defend itself but warns them to be aware of "consequences." Too bad he didn't think about US that way before Iraq.

No Facts Novak says Karl Rove was one of sources for outing CIA agent Valerie Plame. Bush once said he would fire anybody who leaked classified information. Except for anybody who leaked to Novak?

Plame announces plans to sue Cheney, Rove and Scooter Libby. Piper should be paid for pettiness.

President talks about use of diplomacy in Iran and North Korea. Mad cowboy disease under control?

Bush Administration heralds reduction in federal deficit to less than $300 billion this year. Whoopee! Must be time for another big tax cut for the rich. Those who remember budget surplus in 2001 compared to a trillion-dollar deficit today are just killjoys. And probably poor or middle-class.

Homeland Security designates several terrorist "targets" in oh-so-vulnerable Indiana, plus a petting zoo in Georgia, a bourbon festival, a bean festival and a kangaroo conservation center in Georgia. We marvel at how they managed to get a pipeline so deep into the heart of Al-Qaeda's planning.

Losing Mexican presidential candidate Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador says he will never concede defeat. Here's some advice: Accept the results....retire from public a documentary about how immigration is threatening our a prize at Cannes...and consider a comeback in 6 years. And call Al Gore for further advice.

Records show Einstein had several mistresses in addition to two wives. As he might have said, it's all relative.

French record company executives write hit song about Zidane's head-butt in World Cup. Too late for a ditty about Mike Tyson's ear-chomping?