07/03/2006 12:54 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

July 2 News Update

Supreme Court hands Bush Administration defeat, bans military tribunals for suspected terrorists being held at Guantanamo Bay. No problem. Bush issues signing statement as he does with legislation saying he's not bound by decision.

High court decision opposed by Justice Scalia, old puppet Thomas and new puppet Alito. Message to White House: We got you elected, but the buck stops there.

Senate rejects constitutional amendment to ban flag-burning. Does this mean the terrorists have won?

Bush Administration opposes amnesty for Iraqi insurgents who attacked American soldiers. Approves form of amnesty for illegal immigrants. How about amnesty for Iraqi insurgents who agree to come to US and pick fruit?

Congress really comes to grips with immigration policy-- schedules hearings around country. Next, blue-ribbon commission to study problem?

Rush Limbaugh detained by customs officials for having Viagra prescription in somebody else's name. Maybe he was using somebody else's--oh, never mind. And whose name? Ann Coulter's?

Bill Gates leaving Microsoft to devote full time to philanthropy. Now you can feel good every time you turn on your computer with a Windows operating system.

Warren Buffett gives billions to Gates Foundation. So why didn't you buy Berkshire-Hathaway?

Star Jones kicked off The View despite assurances from Barbara Walters. Star, if you were an unemployed tree, what kind of unemployed tree would you be?

Search for Jones' replacement under way. Hey, Connie Chung no longer working....and if she promises not to sing on air? But does Rosie approve of Maury?

President Bush takes visiting Japanese Prime Minister, a big fan of Elvis, to Graceland. But Japan withdraws forces from Iraq anyway. "Coalition" forces now consist of 150,000 American soldiers and two cooks from Honduras.

NASA plans shuttle launch despite concerns about safety. Code name for mission: Russian Roulette.

Hooters restaurant chain's planned LA bikini contest to raise funds for spaying animals, known as "Hooters for Neuters," raises hackles instead of money. Should have had Pam Anderson strip naked on Rodeo Drive instead. Worked for PETA.

Katic Couric going on tour to visit CBS affiliates around the country before becoming Evening News anchor. Stephen Colbert says Dan Rather will be driving the bus.