07/09/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

June 8 2009: news update

President Obama makes major Middle East policy address in Cairo.

1. Asks Palestinians to forgo violence. Hezbollah and Hamas, big yawn.

2. Demands end to building of illegal Israeli settlements. Netanyahu, big yawn.

3. Patronizes Muslims by saying Islam has given us "cherished music," (except where it's forbidden) and that "Throughout history, Islam has demonstrated through words and deeds the possibilities of religious tolerance and racial equality." That's obviously the "Hussein" in Barack Hussein Obama talking.

4. Notes Islam also gave us algebra. High schoolers, big yawn.

Obama makes first stop on trip in Saudi Arabia, saying he wanted to visit place where "Islam began." Does not mention it's also place where 9/11 began.

At same time Osama bin Laden puts out dueling statement excoriating US policy in Pakistan. Who does he think he is, Dick Cheney?

First time in modern times a US President goes to Middle East without visiting Israel. In Cairo speech, presses Israel to stop building settlements and recognize Palestinians' right to their own state. Pro-Israel lobby in Washington goes into overdrive.

Obama also visits Paris, with Michelle and daughters in tow. Did you see what they did? They stayed behind and shopped. Shopped! When GM is in bankruptcy. When Chrysler is fighting for its corporate life. When unemployment approaches 10%. Where's the RNC when we need them?

General Motors, now busted to Private Motors, will be mainly owned by US Government and UAW Union. What could possibly go wrong after that?

GM sells Hummer to China. Problem now is, half hour after filling up, you have to fill up again.

Ex-VP Dick Cheney finally concedes no link between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaeda. But daughter Liz continues to insist there was a link. Guess she didn't get the family memo.

Cheney, whose daughter is gay, okays gay marriage. In this case, did get the family memo.

News reports claim major Taliban leader in Afghanistan killed. Reports disputed. NY Times story said Taliban could not be reached for comment. Did you try tweeting?

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner visits Beijing. Wanted to get first-hand look at US economy.

North Korean leader Kim Il Jong names son, Kim Il Un, as successor. To be known as Seven-up Kim-the Un-corean.

Media mogul David Geffen reportedly wants to buy big chunk of NY Times. Maybe just wants to see more gay marriages featured in Sunday Styles?

Polka dropped as Grammy category. Lawrence Welk two-stepping in his grave?

Researchers report development of gene that produces talking mice. What's the big deal? Disney has had talking mice for 60 years.

George W. Bush makes speech in Michigan, saying he misses flying on Air Force One, White House food and encounters with military personnel. What do people in Michigan miss about Bush? Nothing.

OJ Simpson to appeal conviction in Las Vegas. Tells judge he has to get out of jail to pursue search for Nicole's killer.