March 12 News Update

03/13/2006 12:01 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

President Bush returns from visit to Southeast Asia. Trip considered a success since White House was not outsourced to India.

Bush says collapse of Dubai port deal causes him concern about message it sends to "friends and allies." What friends and allies?

Dubai says port management will be turned over to US entity. Like, say, Halliburton?

After weeks of sectarian violence that has left hundreds dead in Iraq, Defense Secretary Rumsfeld says the media have "exaggerated" events there. Right! Just like the Cheney hunting accident. Not a single newspaper reported the number of quail Cheney bagged on that outing.

Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Peter Pace says of situation in Iraq, "I wouldn't put a big smiley face on it." At last, an exit strategy! We can get out when we can put a big smiley face on it.

Interior Secretary Gale Norton resigns, saying she had accomplished much of what she intended to do. None of which was protecting the environment.

NY Times reports effort to tighten lobbying laws losing momentum in Congress. Jack Who?

Lobbying firms report record profits last year. Reform this!

South Dakota legislates ban on all abortion except in case of a pregnant woman's life being in jeopardy. Also, in case of all North Dakotans.

Former Fed Chief Alan Greenspan gets big bucks for book about his years as Chairman. Including fee for ghost translator into English?

Oscar-winning song is "It's hard out here for a pimp." That sound you hear is the rumble of composers all over the world turning over in their graves.

"Crash" upsets "Brokeback Mountain" for best picture award. NPR reports losing producers will return next year with movie about ranchers' wives in similar situation. To be titled, "Brokeback Valley."

Also on tap for next year: Another Indiana Jones movie, in which Harrison Ford thwarts the efforts of criminals to steal his Social Security checks.

Series about polygamy debuts on TV, and it's not even on Fox. You say Fox is doing a sitcom on incest? Oh.