March 18, 2007 News Update

03/19/2007 12:01 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

President Bush ends visit to Latin America, meets with Mexican President Felipe Calderon. It's not often that two presidents can sit down and reminisce about how they stole an election.

Bush promises more economic help for Latin America, not including the effigy makers who prospered during his trip.

US Senate to hold hearings on purging of US Attorneys. All roads lead to Rove.

AG Alberto Gonzalez admits "mistakes were made." Biggest mistake? Getting caught.

Scooter Libby wondering why they didn't get rid of Patrick Fitzgerald when they were purging US Attorneys.

Gonzalez' chief of staff resigns in wake of scandal. Lyle Sampson must have taken fall guy lessons from Libby.

Surgeon General Kevin Kiley resigns over Walter Reed scandal.

Troop levels increased in Iraq, making Gen. Petraeus new Surgin' General. (OK to groan here).

Top Army General Pace says homosexuality immoral. Ann Coulter writing his stuff?

Question for Gen. Pace? What about the morality of sending Americans to die in Iraq in a useless, unnecessary war, not sending enough to do the job, not giving them the equipment they need and not taking proper care of them when they came home wounded? Immorality indeed.

Sen. McCain says Gen. Pace should be given chance to explain his remarks. One boot in the mouth is enough, Senator.

CEO of Halliburton moves to Dubai. Avoiding taxes or extradition?

Loudmouth Al Sharpton bad mouths Barack Obama. Don't know if Obama is "black enough," but do know Sharpton is plenty green--with envy.

Zsa Zsa's husband sues Bill O'Reilly for $1 million for saying he was a "fraud" in claiming he could be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby. Where's Maury Povich when we need him?

Authorities at chimpanzee sanctuary mystified when female chimp gets pregnant despite all seven males having had vasectomies. Maury considering inviting the male chimps on his show to give it some class. Or maybe it was virgin birth and baby chimp will be named "Jesus."

NY Times article criticizes Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth." David Letterman then does Top Ten list on other Times' allegations against Gore, #4 being Gore "killed beloved winemaker Ernest Gallo." Example of Gallo's humor? (OK to groan again).

Two French firms competing to buy Aston Martin from Ford. What next, Jean Bond?

Chinese company buys MG. Problem is, MG now wants gas half an hour after you fill it up.

French President Chirac retires. Much deprecated US for being right on Iraq.

Local ABC News anchor fired in New York for allegedly sleeping on the job. That never bothered NBC about Stone Phillips.

Hard core porn interrupts Brokaw documentary on Arizona TV station. Must be sweeps week.

Comic book superhero Captain America dies in final edition. Metaphor for the times?