March 26 News Update

03/26/2007 10:42 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Fourth Anniversary of Iraq War observed. And they said it wouldn't last.

Five more American soldiers killed on Sunday. Surge, rhymes with Dirge.

The Secret, a book postulating that one little secret holds the key to personal happiness, that wishing will make it so, tops the best-seller list. At last, an explanation for President Bush's policy in Iraq.

Vice President Cheney says House Democrats not supporting our troops by voting for deadline for withdrawal. Democrats respond by pointing out Cheney is in "last throes" of credibility.

CIA waiting as Administration debates new permissible interrogation techinques. Cheney still holding out for torture.

White House rejects call for aides to appear at Senate hearings under oath on firing of US Attorneys, but offers deal...Testimony in private, not under oath and no transcript..Oh yeah, one other thing: Each Senator will be limited to one question and it can't be about the firings.

Scooter Libby wondering why White House didn't make same offer for him.

Question: Can you take the Fifth in private?

Bush says this is constitutional issue. Hooray, after six years, Administration finally discovers Constitution.

Bush claims he will fight subpoenas all the way to Supreme Court. Counting on Scalia to bail him out again.

White House also invokes "executive privilege." Want to know the origin of "executive privilege?" The Executive Branch.

Bush also says he stands firmly behind AG Alberto Gonzalez, despite increasing calls for his resignation. Alberto, you might want to give Don Rumsfeld a call.

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon visits Iraq, ducks behind lectern when bomb explodes nearby. No problem. A UN Secretary General has to be good at ducking--especially issues.

UN passes tougher sanctions against Iran for not halting nuclear program. Boy, that'll scare'em.

Iranian President cancels speech at UN to protest against sanctions. See, already, too scared to show up.

Wife of thrice-married Rudy Giuliani discloses she also had two previous marriages, instead of one. Guess he's got the divorce vote locked up.

Giuliani, McCain, Clinton, Edwards, nauseum. Tired yet. Only an eternity to go.

California moves presidential primary to February. Why don't we just move them all to December and have the election in January and get it over with?

Martha Stewart's main squeeze, billionaire Dr. Charles Birinyi, spending $25 million to go into space. If he's willing to waste that much money, he must be angling for a job at NASA. But with Martha doing the menu, he'll undoubtedly be the best-fed man in space history.