05/29/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

March 29, 2010, News Update

President Obama makes surprise visit to Afghanistan. Just wanted to get a little peace and quiet away from the combat atmosphere of Washington, DC.

Correction: My apologies for first item in last week's News Update in which passage of health care reform was labeled "Big Deal." Turns out it was a "Big F***ing Deal," according to Vice President Biden. News Update regrets the error.

Who does Biden think he is, Rahm Emanuel? Emanuel appears on "60 Minutes" fully clothed and without dropping the F-bomb once. Such hypocrisy....

Far outdone in that department, however, by Iowa Republican Sen. John Grassley, who stridently opposed health care reform at every turn, but then took credit for some of its provisions as soon as it was passed. Gives Chutzpah bad name.

Congress passes health care overhaul, but Minority Leader John Boehner still calls it a "bill." Hey, John, you've been around Congress long enough to know that when a bill passes, it becomes a law.

Republican strategy now shifts from Resist and Reject to Repeal and Replace. Sour grapes make sour whine.

Republicans shutting down workings of government with arcane parliamentarian maneuvers. They want to take their marbles and go home. They're acting like they've lost their marbles. Which they have.

When former George W. Bush speechwriter David Frum writes article describing how they lost their marbles-with lockstep opposition policy-he gets fired from position at conservative American Enterprise Institute. How dare he get out of step? So much for Big Tent theory.

Sen. John McCain says Republicans will not cooperate with Democrats on anything from now on. What a statesman! He's obviously worried about his own party members cooperating with
him at the polls this November.

President Obama walks out of meeting with Israeli PM Netanyahu to have dinner. Israelis cry "snub." Maybe he didn't invite him to have dinner because it wasn't kosher?

Israeli newspapers says PM was "humiliated" by White House actions. Bibi should have really been humiliated by having visit canceled. On other hand, he doesn't understand meaning of the word.

Were he an American politician, he would fit right in with the Republicans in this country, since all he knows is how to say "No."

But give him this much credit: He didn't announce the building of any new Jewish settlements in occupied Palestinian territory while here.

If you think any progress toward an Israeli-Palestinian settlement is going to be made while Netanyahu is Prime Minister and Harpo Lieberman is Foreign Minister, then I've got some nice property just outside Kabul I'd like to sell you.

Tiffany profits soar. Recession obviously over-for the rich.

Susan Boyle collects $6million check. At last, some good news!

Holy Week begins. For Catholic Church, it's more like Hell Week-and months and years. Looks like all raunchy roads lead to Rome. If the Devil Wears Prada, the Pope Wears Blinders.

Judge calls Dr. Phil "charlatan." How come he gets it when so many viewers don't?

In Sports News: Tiger Woods asked to do "60 Minutes" interview. Instead, does 5-minute interviews with ESPN and Golf Channel. That's why you hire high-powered PR guy. Maybe he'll do real interview before Masters... Naaah.

Tennessee basketball team loses by one point in effort to get to Final Four. Guess they missed the four "student-athletes" arrested on gun and drug charges in January.