March 8, 2010, News Update

05/08/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011


President Obama calls for "Up or Down" vote on health care reform bill. Sir, would you please define your terms? Republicans don't understand "Up."

Obama critics claim he should have won an Olympic skiing gold medal since nobody is going downhill faster than he is.

Former White House advisor Karl Rove has a book coming out entitled Courage and Consequences. Notice "Truth" is not in the title. You can find the book at your local bookstore in the fiction department.

Rove's greatest regret, it appears, is that he didn't do a better job about lying why the United States invaded Iraq.

Ex-President George W. Bush also writing a book about tough decisions he had to make during his time in office. He says he often resorted to prayer. So much for the power of prayer.

NY Gov. David Patterson, with no chance of election, drops out of race for Governor. He may be blind but he's not deaf. Now embroiled in scandal, with an approval rating of 19% and despite widespread calls for resignation, he says he will complete his term. Hmmm...maybe he is deaf.

Another exemplar of NY politics, Rep. Charles Rangel, also embroiled in multiple scandals, says he will "temporarily" step down at Chairman of the powerful Ways and Means Committee in the Senate. Rangel did it his Way with any Means he could.

Note that if you do not refer to the House Ways and Means Committee as "powerful" in writing, you lose your cliche` license.

As Chairman of that committee, Rangel was influential in writing the nation's tax laws. Maybe he thought that gave him the right to evade those laws.

He said he was stepping down to avoid embarrassing Dem. Candidates running for re-election.
What about embarrassing your constituents? Or yourself?
Not a problem. This was an ethics investigation.

Nancy Pelosi once promised to "drain the swamp," referring to Congressional corruption. So why did it take so long to drain a Rangel?

General Motors recalls 1.3 million vehicles because of steering problems. Who do they think they are, Toyota?

Every major car company shows increased sales in February except Toyota. Wonder why that is?

Air controller at JFK brings kids to work and lets them direct traffic. Extreme version of Take A Child To Work Day. No big deal since most pilots too drunk to notice.

Speaking of pilots, Sully Sullenberger, of landing in the Hudson River fame, retiring. Friendly skies less friendly.

Online report/rumor that Chief Justice Roberts resigning untrue. Damn!

Barbara Walters says this year's pre-Oscar special will be her last. You mean she's still doing it? Who knew?

ABC News cuts 300-400 staffers. But they've still got Diane Sawyer and a Camcorder.

Kathyrn Bigelow first woman to win Best Director Oscar.
When do we run out of "firsts" for women? Oh right, there's still the White House thing.

Sandra Bullock wins Best Actress Oscar night after winning Worst Actress Razzie. A Tale of Two Movies....Best...Worst...