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News Update for Jan. 22

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Google subpoenaed by Justice Department to turn over database of searches as part of government inquiry into pornography. Definition of pornography? Supreme Court Justice Stewart Potter: I may not be able to define it, but I know it when I see it. Definition of police state? I may not be able to define it, but I know it when I see it -- and we're seeing it.

Hillary Clinton says House of Representatives is run like a plantation. Tom DeLay's reaction: So?

Hillary adds, "...and you know what I'm talking about." And we know what you're running for.

Chile and Liberia inaugurate female presidents, Geena Davis wins Golden Globe for playing female president on TV. Can Hillary be far behind?

Harry Belafonte lambastes President Bush as "greatest tyrant in the world, the greatest terrorist in the world." From Day-O to Wack-O.

NASA launches probe to Pluto. Goofy.

Probe will take 9 years. Ensures NASA's survival and provides lots of time to come up with other innovative ways to waste hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars.

Why not a probe of Uranus? Supply your own punch line here.

Right-wing Loonies try to smear Cong. John Murtha, a decorated veteran of Korea and Vietnam, after he calls for withdrawal of US forces from Iraq. No comment from President Bush, who spent the Vietnam years in a no-fly zone, or Vice President Dick Cheney, who knows a thing or five about draft deferments during Vietnam.

Walter Cronkite, reprising his Vietnam role, also calls for US withdrawal from Iraq. Swift Boaters trying to figure out ways to tar him as a child molester.

Mayor of New Orleans says God is punishing US with hurricanes. Earns him honorary membership in Pat Robertson's 700 Club.

Mayor also says New Orleans will be "chocolate" city. Hershey, PA, dissents.

Catholic Church kicks "Limbo" off Theological Island.
Several Caribbean nations protest.

Jon Stewart of "The Daily Show" criticized for making fun of Jack Abramoff's name, saying why would you name your son Jack with surname ending in "off." Certainly heightens anticipation for Oscars.

Study shows NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg losing Boston accent in favor of NY accent. Yoo gotta problem widdat? Fuhgeddaboutit!

Michael Jackson seeking work in Middle East. Isn't that region already screwed up enough? Next album -- Sheik your booty?

Best-selling memoir, "A Million Little Pieces," exposed to be full of inaccuracies. James Frey's next book -- A Million Little Reasons We Invaded Iraq.

Johnny Damon joins New York Yankees, shaves facial hair. Steinbrenner obviously not worried about Samson Syndrome.

Film showing Jesus as a black man stirs controversy at Sundance. Phony issue. Anybody can see Jesus on TV in "The Book of Daniel," and he's clearly a white dude.

Pittsburgh and Seattle vie for Vince Lombardi Trophy. NFL referees vie for Helen Keller award.