08/14/2005 06:29 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

News Update

Space shuttle Discovery returns to earth safely. NASA has put the excitement back into the extra point.

Discovery program manager calls the flight "a wildly successful mission." OK if you define success as fixing all the things that went wrong.

With the shuttle program grounded, NASA is looking for new ways to waste billions of dollars, including a manned trip to the moon. Hey, NASA, been there, done that. Maybe you think we don't remember, like we didn't remember Vietnam?

Private company offers private flights to the moon for $100 million. Or, you can fill up your Hummer.

Pentagon reveals it's spending money to train scientists in how to write fictional screenplays. Some suggested titles: "Mission Accomplished," Dead or Alive!" "Finding Neverland and WMD's."

President Bush declines to meet with a woman who lost her son in Iraq and who is protesting against the war outside his ranch. Don't bring'er on!

Bush signs energy bill trumpeted as reducing America's dependence on foreign oil. Markets see more pork than energy, stifle laughter, drive crude oil prices to an all-time high.

The President has also signed CAFTA, the Central American Free Trade Agreement. He wanted to do something nice for the people in places like Ohio, which helped him win re-election.

After Bush endorses the teaching of the "intelligent design" theory of human evolution so people can understand "what the debate is about," his own science advisor says, "There is no real debate. Intelligent design is not a scientific concept." Wonder where he'll be working next week.

The movie "Dukes of Hazzard" was Number One at the box office. Not in the blue states.

The sad and untimely death of ABC anchorman Peter Jennings marks the end of an era, following the retirement of Tom Brokaw and the resignation of Dan Rather. Question: Will we get our first solo female anchor on the evening news before we get our first female President in 2009?

ABC continues to broadcast "World News Tonight with Peter Jennings." Uh, I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything, but...well, er, let's put it this way: Memo to ABC: Peter is no longer with us.

The Rolling Stones' new album includes a song mocking Neo Cons. Yo, Mick, Social Security and Medicare might have been more appropriate topics for you guys.

A 79-year-old priest resigns his post at St. Patrick's Cathedral after being accused of having an affair with his 46-year-old assistant. Finally.....some good news about the priesthood.