Sept. 22, 2008, News Update

09/22/2008 12:20 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Sept. 21, 2008, NEWS UPDATE

Welcome to the United States of Socialist America! My Friends, as some candidates are wont to say, you taxpayers are now the owners of two major failed mortgage companies, 80 % of a failed major insurance company, and you are about to acquire billions of dollars of worthless paper. Cash for Trash? Congratulations!

And there's probably a Ford in your future. As well as a Chevrolet and a Chrysler. Where's Lee Iacocca when we need him?

But if you can't meet your mortgage payments, too bad. Unless you can get a loan from the CEO's of the failed companies who are walking-not to say running-away with millions of dollars.

If the multi-millionaires can be bailed out, why not the desperate homeowner? Answer: Homeowners don't have megabucks lobbyists. Or friends in Congress.

Selling crisis hits Wall Street on Monday, President Bush goes on TV to reassure America, Dow Jones Average drops 500 points. Quack...quack...quack...quack....

Maybe he should have asked Sarah Palin what to do about the crisis.

Down day described as Black Monday. Precipitated by bunch of old White guys.

Administration meetings on crisis in financial markets do not include Dick Cheney. He was excluded after recommending we invade Wall Street.

Hurricane Ike ravages Texas. Hurricane Subprime ravages Wall Street.

In midst of financial turmoil, John McCain says Fundamentals of American economy are sound...Oops...Amends to say those fundamentals are American workers....If you're one of the thousands of American workers who have lost their jobs, just consider yourself fundamental. But without funds.

Reagan Revolution's deregulatory chickens come home to roost. Leader of deregulation charge? Senator named McCain. That was then, this is now.

Seventh Anniversary of 9/11 observed. Osama bin Laden-Dead or Alive? The Bronx is up and the Battery's down. 9/11 Memorial still a hole in the ground.

David Duchovy enters rehab for sex addiction. Maybe show should have been called XXX-Files.

Italian husband comes home to find wife in bed with local priest. Priest transferred to different parish. Church so relieved he was in bed with a woman.

Yankee Stadium, the House that Ruth Built, replaced by New Yankee Stadium, the House that Steinbrenner built --with $70 million of taxpayers money. Bronx cheers?

Yanks miss playoffs. Happiness isn't only thing money can't buy.

Summer ends. Many people stayed home because of high gas prices and economic downturn. So, words of the season? Summer Staycation.