Sept. 6, 2010, News Update

09/08/2010 06:47 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

September 6th, 2010: News update

  • President Obama makes speech from Oval Office (that means it's heavy-duty) declaring end of U.S. combat operations in Iraq and commitment to Iraq's future. Takes 28 minutes to say that. Who does he think he is, LeBron James?

  • Two days later, American troops fire on attacking insurgents. Well, there's combat... and then there's combat.

  • What the president did not say: "Mission Accomplished." Operation Iraqi Freedom replaced by Operation Iraqi Who The Hell Knows?

  • We will support the Iraqi Government whenever they get one. We still haven't found any weapons of mass destruction -- the public rationale for the war. Thousands of American military have been killed or wounded and tens of thousands of Iraqis have been killed or maimed in the most grotesquely unnecessary and useless war in American history. (Feel free to add your own adjectives here).

  • When will Obama make a similar speech about Afghanistan? How about never?

  • Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair publishes memoir, defends decision to go to war against Iraq, forced to cut short book tour in England after anti-war protesters throw eggs and shoes at him. Egg-and-shoe throwing seven years late.

  • Writes of George W. Bush: He had "immense simplicity in how he saw the world." Is that a nice way of saying he saw Bush as a simpleton?

  • Writes of Dick Cheney: "It was impossible to have a reasonable discussion of him." At least he got that right. He also claims Cheney wanted to invade a lot of countries in the Middle East, not just Iraq. Scary.

  • Of the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, Blair suggests the president's behavior "arose in part from his inordinate interest in and curiosity about people." Lemme know when you've stopped laughing. You can't make this stuff up. I would suggest Clinton's behavior arose from his inordinate interest in and curiosity about certain parts of the female anatomy. And it wasn't only his behavior that arose.

  • Blair graciously promises to contribute $7.5 million book advance to charity for wounded soldiers. Good thing he got advance, since book sales so far lower than Blair's popularity.

  • Israeli-Palestinian "peace" talks resume, although it's not clear if either side really wants "peace." In any event, here we go again. Talks likely to last until late September, when Israel lifts ban on building settlements in occupied territory.

  • Labor Day observed, although millions observe it looking for labor. Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your unemployment. Labor Day becomes major holiday in China.

  • President Obama goes to Milwaukee for Labor Day. Dem. Sen. Russ Feingold, locked in tough re-election battle, can't be with Obama because of "prior commitments." Hmmmmm. Looks like you may be spending a lot of time in Washington in the weeks leading up to Election Day. Mr. President.

  • Former President Bill Clinton now big favorite campaigning for Democratic candidates. Too bad Al Gore didn't understand that in 2000.

  • Obama has Oval Office re-modeled-in beige (no jokes please). New rug contains quotes from four previous presidents and Martin Luther King. Jr. Except the King quote is not originally King's. He admittedly borrowed it from Theodore Parker, an obscure 19th century reformer. Wonder where that researcher is working now? But four outta five ain't bad.

  • Anti-Obama wackos claim new carpet is really Muslim prayer rug,with lines from the Quran secretly woven in. Can't wait to see if visitors to Oval Office have to take off their shoes.

  • Former Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Melman admits to being gay. When will we stop caring about this sort of thing? When people like Melman were not militantly anti-gay in their public life. Sexual orientation is one thing. Perverse hypocrisy is another.

  • Renowned scientist Steven Hawking says God had no role in creation of universe. Does Allah know about this? Hawking may not be right, but nobody can conclusively prove him wrong.

  • Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer goes blank during debate with Democratic opponent for governor, says she won't engage in any more debates during campaign. Assuming she remembers not to.

  • Brewer got discombobulated when asked about her observation that "Arizona desert littered with headless bodies," referring to alleged violence by illegal aliens. Later recanted. Apparently confused headless bodies with funny-looking cactus.

  • Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin denounces reporters as "limp" and "impotent." Hey, Sarah, there are female reporters, too.

  • Basketball coach Rick Pitino fights sexual harassment suit in court, admits to "consensual sex" that lasted "15 seconds." Shoulda settled outta court, Rick.

  • Craigslist shuts down "adult services" section, giving in to contentions that it promoted prostitution and sex trafficking. I get e-mails offering sex all the time, and I don't even know Craig. Want to curb sex solicitation on the web? Easy. Just shut down the internet.
  • New York City infested with bedbugs. Republicans blame Obama.