"Gather 'round, you little lovelies -- how'd you like your Grampa to tell you a bit of a Christmas story?"

"Tell us, Grampa! Tell us!"

"Well, I think I just might then. Have you ever heard the tale of Nelson the Hard-Nosed Reindeer?"

"You mean Rudolph!"

"And his nose wasn't...

Dear Dr. Politics: I'm hoping you can help me with a problem I've been having recently. I'm a member of a small but important government organization located on Capitol Hill. (Hint: It has 100 members, two from each state.) For a number of reasons I won't go into, I've...

You know Tweeter and Hacker,
Tea-Bagger and Birther,
Sanford and Ensign and Rangel and Murtha,
But do you recall....
The year's biggest players of all?

. . . . .

Jingle Bells,
Sarah sells,
Now she's got a book,
...

Just so you know: We're against it.

We were against it before, and we're still against it. We thought it was a terrible idea when President Obama proposed it, and we still think it's a terrible idea.

It was terrible when it went through the House of Representatives. And it's...

"Daddy, have you seen the car keys?"

"On the table near the door -- you're going already?"

"I'm late -- I told Marisa I'd pick her up on the way over."

"So whose party is this again? This is Ben's party?"

"Yup."

"The one...

Don't you just hate it when your own words come back to bite you?

You sweat and you squirm -- at least you do if you're being honest with yourself. You try to make what you were saying then line up with what you're saying now, and if you can't,...

I can see it now like it's an artist picture painted big and bright and hanging right in front of me, or maybe one of those high-def flat-screen things like Cousin Becca Lee is always showing off, which is why we wound up doing Thanksgiving at Cousin Becca Lee's...

What we told you before? Forget it.

What we said you had to worry about? Nope.

What we advised you to get checked out on a regular basis? Not so much.

That thing that was always on your mind because we told you it should always...

Click.

" -- and we're back. Time now to ask our Pack o' Pundits for the big takeaways from Tuesday's election results. What did you guys see in all those numbers? And what does it all mean?"

"No question about it, Joe: It was a great night...

If you look before you leap,
And worry that you're in too deep,
If flag-draped coffins cost you sleep,
You're "dithering."

If you bring the experts in
To see if there's some way to win,
And think about the next of kin,

Gordon Goldenage was gallivanting in the garden when Myron the Mailman showed up with the money.

"Hey, Gordo!" cried Myron, who'd known him forever. "I've got some government checks here for you and the little lady." (That would be Gladys.)

"Can't be," said Gordon. "We already got...

Once upon a time, I had a teacher. A law professor, to be precise about it. (And he'd want me to be precise about it -- he was a law professor.) He was an excellent professor, even though -- or should that be because? -- he was known to...

Dear Uncle Thorbjorn,

I hardly know what to say!

When the UPS truck pulled up at the South Portico the other day and they said there was a package for me, I knew it had to be something special. And then when they said the package...

MILWAUKEE -- I'm fine with Rio.

Really. A great city, by all accounts, in a rising star of a country that deserves to be better known and better loved. And that's even before you factor in some of the world's greatest music, and the beaches, and Carnaval, and ...

The word for it is "inspiring."

It's so heartwarming to see a public servant willing to go the extra mile, willing to take on the sort of mission that would cause a lesser person to hesitate.

So raise a toast to John Ensign, United States senator from Nevada and upholder...

WARNING: This column could lead to alligators in your toaster oven.

There are people out there who actually value a good, honest, fact-based and data-driven debate about reforming the nation's health-care system.

Pity.

That's because the chance of our actually having a good, honest, fact-based and...

TO OUR VALUED CUSTOMERS

These have been turbulent times for the American economy. On Main Street and on Wall Street, the past year has tested the resilience of the greatest wealth-creation engine the world has ever known. Now, as America continues its journey on the path to recovery, we...

"Good morning, everyone, and a warm Western Pennsylvania greeting to each and every one of you! My name is Carly, and I'm the assistant tour guide for the Murthaville Chamber of Continuous Commerce, and it's so nice to have all of you with us. Now, what brings you to...

The Baucus Caucus came to town one morning in the early spring,
They said, "You want a health-care bill? Don't sweat -- we'll handle ev'rything!"
Then off they went, inside a room, and huddled there both day and night,
They promised they'd produce one soon, but...

Slice o' Life No. 682. File Under: Too Wimpy to Survive.

So there I am, last Saturday afternoon, pulling up to the drive-thru ATM. It's a perfect late-summer day. It's also my lucky day: There's only one car ahead of me.

Actually, there's only one car ahead...