What we told you before? Forget it.

What we said you had to worry about? Nope.

What we advised you to get checked out on a regular basis? Not so much.

That thing that was always on your mind because we told you it should always...

Click.

" -- and we're back. Time now to ask our Pack o' Pundits for the big takeaways from Tuesday's election results. What did you guys see in all those numbers? And what does it all mean?"

"No question about it, Joe: It was a great night...

If you look before you leap,
And worry that you're in too deep,
If flag-draped coffins cost you sleep,
You're "dithering."

If you bring the experts in
To see if there's some way to win,
And think about the next of kin,

Gordon Goldenage was gallivanting in the garden when Myron the Mailman showed up with the money.

"Hey, Gordo!" cried Myron, who'd known him forever. "I've got some government checks here for you and the little lady." (That would be Gladys.)

"Can't be," said Gordon. "We already got...

Once upon a time, I had a teacher. A law professor, to be precise about it. (And he'd want me to be precise about it -- he was a law professor.) He was an excellent professor, even though -- or should that be because? -- he was known to...

Dear Uncle Thorbjorn,

I hardly know what to say!

When the UPS truck pulled up at the South Portico the other day and they said there was a package for me, I knew it had to be something special. And then when they said the package...

MILWAUKEE -- I'm fine with Rio.

Really. A great city, by all accounts, in a rising star of a country that deserves to be better known and better loved. And that's even before you factor in some of the world's greatest music, and the beaches, and Carnaval, and ...

The word for it is "inspiring."

It's so heartwarming to see a public servant willing to go the extra mile, willing to take on the sort of mission that would cause a lesser person to hesitate.

So raise a toast to John Ensign, United States senator from Nevada and upholder...

WARNING: This column could lead to alligators in your toaster oven.

There are people out there who actually value a good, honest, fact-based and data-driven debate about reforming the nation's health-care system.

Pity.

That's because the chance of our actually having a good, honest, fact-based and...

TO OUR VALUED CUSTOMERS

These have been turbulent times for the American economy. On Main Street and on Wall Street, the past year has tested the resilience of the greatest wealth-creation engine the world has ever known. Now, as America continues its journey on the path to recovery, we...

"Good morning, everyone, and a warm Western Pennsylvania greeting to each and every one of you! My name is Carly, and I'm the assistant tour guide for the Murthaville Chamber of Continuous Commerce, and it's so nice to have all of you with us. Now, what brings you to...

The Baucus Caucus came to town one morning in the early spring,
They said, "You want a health-care bill? Don't sweat -- we'll handle ev'rything!"
Then off they went, inside a room, and huddled there both day and night,
They promised they'd produce one soon, but...

Slice o' Life No. 682. File Under: Too Wimpy to Survive.

So there I am, last Saturday afternoon, pulling up to the drive-thru ATM. It's a perfect late-summer day. It's also my lucky day: There's only one car ahead of me.

Actually, there's only one car ahead...

Surprised? Why would you be surprised?

A congressman shouts at the president. A Member of Congress shouts "You lie!" at the President of the United States -- right there in the halls of Congress, right there in the middle of a major presidential address -- and everyone claims...

My friends, I bring good news today!

For months now, you've been feeling out of sorts and ill at ease. The state of our nation has you and your loved ones deeply concerned -- and why not? Every time you turn around, there seems to be another battle...

[Deep inside a large white house...]

"...and that's when we'll need your final edits, so we can get it loaded on the prompter."

"Final edits. Got it."

"No changes after that."

"Got it. Now all I have to do is write it."

"That's why...

If I were Dick Cheney -- not to worry; the Lord works in mysterious ways, but there are limits -- I'd be kicking up a fuss, too. A really good fuss.

I'd be scowling for whatever sympathetic cameras I could still find. I'd be flinging accusations of political...

Senator Edward M. Kennedy, dead at 77 -- and thank goodness for that.

Thank goodness for the "at 77," that is. Not to say that "at 78" wouldn't have been even better. Or "at 79." "At 80" would have been miraculous. But losing Ted Kennedy at 77? It's...

Consider the beach book.

Or do you prefer the term "beach book"? Surrounded by quotation marks, that is, like "fast food," or "date movie." "Beach book," with its suggestion that there's one particular type of book -- and only one particular type of book -- that's supposed to accompany you...

Page 28: "Sharing" of electronic medical records allows government to compile private data about millions of Americans, and make annoying prank calls on important birthdays.

Page 61: Provides for annual checkups, and all body-temperature readings must be made with rectal thermometers kept below 35 degrees Fahrenheit.

Page...