[Just another day inside the Thomas household...]
"Ah, the Great Man rises! How's my Supreme Love this morning? Slept in a bit, did we?"
"That's why they invented weekends, right? Been up long?"
"Not very -- maybe an hour. Not even. Just couldn't stay asleep."
"Well, there's no law that says you have to."
"And who's better qualified to say what the law is than my Mr. Justice Clarence Thomas?"
"Tell that to the lefties! Nah, don't even bother -- they couldn't care less."
"They're just jealous, that's all. They just wish they were as smart and as talented and as... as... what's the word I'm looking for?"
"As modest as you are!"
"You're my Absolute Gin-Gin! You're my -- "
"What is it, Sweet Face?"
"There's something I have to tell you."
"Landed another big 'secret' donor? I just love the way you're raking in the -- "
"I had a chat with an old friend of yours this morning."
"Excellent. Who was it?"
"Well, not a chat, actually. I left a message. On her voice mail."
"Does this 'Her' have a name?"
"Oh, you'll be so proud of me, Clarence! That's all that really matters, isn't it? That we'll always be proud of -- "
"You couldn't have."
"I just thought it was time. And I was very polite."
"You were -- "
"All the way through. I didn't shout or anything. I even called her by her full name -- and mine, too. 'Good morning, Anita Hill,' I said. 'It's Ginni Thomas.' I'm sure she knows who I am."
"You called her. You called Anita Hill."
"I asked her to apologize -- no, to just consider apologizing. For what she did to you."
"I -- "
"And even to pray on it. She's religious, isn't she? So I asked her to pray about apologizing. And to explain why she did it."
"I thought that was all behind us. Didn't we talk about this? It's all behind us!"
"I know it is, Honey Bunny. That's what you always say. But then I said to myself, 'Wouldn't it be wonderful if it was really all behind us?' If that woman finally admitted that everything she said about you was lies? Wouldn't that be even better?"
"Well, certainly it would. But after all this time, do you -- "
"It was all lies, wasn't it? What am I saying?! Of course it was all lies! Why am I even -- "
"Lies, complete lies, and nothing but lies. We've been over this a thousand -- "
"I just wanted to be sure. And I knew if she prayed on it enough, she'd definitely admit it, and then nobody would have any questions anymore."
"Me? It's not about -- I never had any questions! I believe you completely! That's what a wife does!"
"I've always believed you."
"Much better. Now, this is the last time I want to hear about any of this, all right? If she calls back, you -- she wouldn't dare call back."
"I'll hang up on her! If you want me to hang up on her, I'll -- "
"We've got our lives to live, Face -- you can't be digging around in the past all the time."
"That's my Gin-Gin! So, what does a man have to do to get some breakfast around here?"
"Coming right up, sir! Scrambled eggs and wheat toast sound OK?"
"And a nice hot cup of Coke?"
"Coffee!! I meant coffee!!!"
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Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.