We the undersigned, proud members of the Republican caucus of the United States Senate, after due consideration and close consultation with our Republican colleagues in the House of Representatives, do determine and declare in this, the year of our Lord 2010, that, with respect to efforts by the current occupants of the executive branch and their colleagues in the legislative branch to reshape, restyle and reorganize the American health-care system, known far and wide as "The Best Health-Care System in the World," into something entirely strange and different, our position is as follows:
No way, Jose.
Let it be known, moreover, that we reach this position in complete fidelity to the fundamental principles under which we in the Republican Party have long operated, namely:
It's a Democrat idea.
We don't like it.
It's Obama's idea.
Who does he think he is anyway?
In furtherance of these principles, let it be understood that we have been, and remain, prepared, to whatever extent we feel necessary, to totally bollix up the works. No joke: If we have to slow the vital business of this body to a crawl to prevent passage of this ill-considered (and, needless to say, socialist) scheme, then that is exactly what we shall do.
We consider it our sacred duty as Republicans to throw up whatever roadblocks and obstructions are available to us, procedural and otherwise, plus some other roadblocks and obstructions we probably haven't even dreamed up yet, to demonstrate yet again to the American people that we have only their best interests at heart. To do otherwise at this perilous moment would set the nation we love on the road to ruin, or at least to Canada.
Not on our watch.
Let there be no doubt: We will be taking names. We will be cutting ads. We will do whatever has to be done to protect a sovereign people that finds itself threatened by sinister "bureaucrats" and mindless "progress." Better get your resume ready, bub -- you will regret the day you ever crossed us.
Where, we ask, has the bipartisanship gone?
Let the world know that we have been prepared at every step of the process to work in good faith with the other party. Our efforts at compromise have been met at every turn with ridicule, and with long-winded explanations about the relative size of our respective caucuses, and the ostensible benefits of so-called "majority rule."
The endless invocation of these European notions of "democracy" has merely served to stiffen our resolve. If the Founders had wanted us to live under such a system, they would have designed it.
By what authority, therefore, does the Democrat caucus claim for itself the right to set this nation's legislative agenda? The American people have sent us here as well, and in numbers large enough to require our full and equal participation.
Faced with unyielding resistance to that participation, the American people have called on us to lay down our glass shards and our nails, our ball bearings and our Jersey barriers, and to do all those other things which a political party does to deny an historic accomplishment to the other side.
This we shall do, with consciences clear, and the latest poll numbers as our guide.
As Republicans, we can do no less.
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Follow Rick Horowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Rick_Horowitz