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Quantitative What?! We Need the Gershwins!

11/11/2010 02:36 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011
  • Rick Horowitz Milwaukee Public TV Commentator, Writing Coach, Writing & Editing Consultant

Quantitative easing,
Economy is slow,
Quantitative easing,
We need a booster.

Print a lot of money
So commerce starts to flow,
Suddenly it's sunny,
And we're the rooster.

Six hundred billion's plenty to spend,
(Bonds to buy and quit your cryin',)
To make those banks more willing to lend.

(Don't fret if...)

You don't understand it --
It's complicated stuff --
Deficits demand it,
Though Germans holler.

There's no hanky-panky,
It's time for hangin' tough,
Only Ben Bernanke,
Can save the dollar.

Oh, how we need a rescue plan,
So hear our plea:
Quantitative easing,
Keep easin' us through the debris!

Quantitative easing,
We're running out of tools,
Interest rates have fallen,
They're nearly zero.

Don't believe the carping
From scaredy-cats and fools,
Just ignore the harping,
You'll be a hero.

The voters say, "We're feeling bereft!"
(Mad and whiny, porcupine-y)
And now the Fed's the only one left.

(In theory.)

Not a time for panic,
We're standing on the brink,
Markets going manic --
We gotta juice 'em.

Now we make it happen,
It's either swim or sink,
Ev'ryone's been nappin' --
It's time to goose 'em.

Oh, what a chance to fix it all,
Just wait and see,
Quantitative easing,
You better start easing for me!

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Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com.

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