You'd better sit still,
You'd better not flee,
You'd better just chill --
Don't shoot the TV!
Bristol Palin's dancing with stars...
She's missing the beat,
She's stepping on toes,
She finishes first
However it goes,
Bristol Palin's dancing with stars.
****
Here come bonuses, Wall Street bonuses,
Make those CEOs grin,
Rake in the bucks and throw big parties,
They know how to win!
In the rubble, they had their trouble
Till we came bailing them out,
Now they're happy
And we feel sappy,
'Cause we're the ones still without.
****
Why'd Obama diss a saintly cause...
In his tax-cut deal the other night?
Gave billions to the rich,
He had to scratch their itch,
Left lib'rals in the wilderness --
They'd rather fight than switch!
****
Wi... ki Leaks...
Keeps spilling the beans,
Dip-lo-mats know just what it means:
Unconcealed,
All thoughts revealed,
Our secrets in smithereens...
****
Oh, the water outside is oily,
And the birds are black and soily,
From New Orleans to Mexico,
Let it flow! Let it flow! Let it flow!
The Gulf is a BP sewer,
With the options growing fewer,
And containment is just a show,
Let it flow! Let it flow! Let it flow!
****
There's... Bill Clinton at the podium-um,
Bill Clinton's standing at the podium-um,
He's back in charge again,
(Pum-pum-pa-rum-pum,)
But it's Two-Thousand Ten!
(Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum,
Rum-pum-pum-pum,
Rum-pum-pum-pum...)
****
O come all to Facebook,
Join the revolution,
Despair not, and care not for your pri-i-vacy!
Come and be open,
Hand your life to stra-a-ngers,
O come let us all cheer him,
Let's "Person of the Year" him --
Or swift-kick-in-the-rear him --
Zuh-uh-ckerberg!
****
Afghanistan, Afghanistan,
Where all the bombs are hand-made,
We're gaining ground,
We're losing ground,
Perhaps another decade...
****
It's beginning to look a lot like iPads,
Ev'rywhere you go.
There's nothing you've ever seen...
As cool as a giant screen,
And 30,000 icons in a row...
****
Oh, here we come McConnelling,
It's such a lot of fun!
As long as Mitch controls things,
Then nothing will be done.
Drag it out's what we'll do,
And we'll filibuster, too,
Harry Reid, watch us stick it to you
Ri-ight in the ear,
We will stick you...right in the ear.
****
Hark! Let Charlie Rangel sing:
Says he's pure on ev'rything,
Never meant to be so lax,
Should have paid his income tax...
****
Have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas,
Cash another check,
Go on Fox and give the lamestream journos heck.
Have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas,
Make the Yuletide sweet,
Tuck your deepest thoughts inside another Tweet...
****
On the Twelfth Day of Boehner,
I saw on my TV:
Twelve rallies roaring,
Eleven lib'rals griping,
Ten myths a-spreading,
Nine Limbaughs laughing,
Eight bills a-stalling,
Seven Coulters cackling,
Six Becks a-preening,
Five...butts in slings,
Four Fox-y blondes,
Three tax cuts,
Two sets of books,
And a truce with the Tea Par-tee!
****
Check the halls -- "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" us,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la,
Even if we're overzealous,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.
Spurn we now our gay battalions,
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la,
Give us guys who breed like stallions,
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!
****
Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at rickhoro@execpc.com