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The (Sing-Along) Sound of Musing: How Do You Solve a Problem Like Korea?

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How do you solve a problem like Korea?
How do you run Dear Leader out of town?
How do you find a way to stop Korea?
A chummy discussion? A punch in the nose? A frown?

Many a bomb you'd like them to dismantle,
Many a threat you'd like them to suspend,
But why waste your time in talk?
They bluster and then they walk,
When will they hear the message that you send?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Korea?
How do you make a lunatic your friend?

When we watch them storm the stage,
Make pronouncements full of rage,
When they swear they've got a perfect right to nukes,
Unapproachable as ever,
Acting normal roughly never,
They are killers! They are bluffers! They are kooks!

When we turn a wary eye,
And we catch them in a lie,
Not the slightest doubt -- no ifs, no ands, no buts,
Then they promise to go straight
Till they load forbidden freight,
They are frightened! They are desperate!

How do you crack a puzzle like Korea?
How do you right a land that's upside-down?
How do you make connections with Korea?
A summit? A sanction? A visitor of renown?

Many a year you've spent in great confusion,
Many a year's confusion still ahead,
But maybe there'll come a day,
And maybe there'll be a way --
Maybe they'll light the fuse and we'll be dead --

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Korea?
Why don't you find some pigs with wings instead?

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at