Welcoming Burris? Dems Are Delighted!

Subject: Illinois Update
From: Sen. Reid, Sen. Durbin
To: All Democratic Senators

Dear Colleagues:

We're writing to let you know about an exciting new development for our Democratic Caucus. On the heels of an extraordinary showing on November 4, which substantially increased our working majority in the Senate, we now have the opportunity to add still another Democratic member to our fold.

We're pleased to announce that Roland Burris, the former Illinois state comptroller and attorney general, will soon be part of our caucus, serving out the unexpired term of President-elect Barack Obama. Mr. Burris comes to the Senate after a long and distinguished career, and has made clear his eagerness to join us in seeking solutions to the many problems that now afflict the American people.

We know you'll do everything possible to extend the warmest of welcomes to Mr. Burris. We know, too, that your welcome will be reflected in all public and private comments you and your staffs make in the coming weeks. In that connection, please refer to the following updated list of talking points, which may offer you guidance in discussing Mr. Burris's situation with the media and others.

Note that this list supersedes all previous communications from our offices on this subject -- in particular, our memos of 12/15, 12/18, 12/21, 12/22, 12/23, 12/26, 12/29, 1/2, 1/5, 1/6, 1/8 and 1/9 -- and should be treated as the official (and final) position of the caucus. We thank you for your cooperation, and apologize for any inconvenience.

* In place of the phrase "We've made it very clear to Gov. Blagojevich that he has forfeited his right to make this appointment," please substitute "The people of Illinois certainly deserve to be fully represented in the Senate."

* In place of the phrase "Nobody with an ounce of self-respect would ever agree to take this seat under these conditions," please substitute "Mr. Burris is not a man who stands on ceremony."

* In place of the phrase "The circumstances of Mr. Burris's appointment would make him permanently tainted," please substitute "We look forward to working with the new junior senator."

* In place of the phrase "We're prepared to take whatever procedural steps are necessary to keep this appointment from ever going through," please substitute "The American people are right to demand swift action on the new president's agenda."

* In place of the phrase "There's no way playing the race card is going to work against us Democrats," please substitute the phrase "We're always mindful of the need for this body to include people of diverse backgrounds."

* In place of the phrase "If Gov. Blagojevich thinks he can toy with us like we're his flunkies, he'd better think again," please substitute "All the paperwork seems to be in order."

* In place of the phrase "We know all about photo-ops in the rain," please substitute "We'll be happy to pay for the dry cleaning."

And lastly:

* In place of the phrase "Don't you try to back us into a corner!" please substitute "Where do we sign?"

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at [e-mail]