When it comes to resilience, attitude really is everything. Having an optimistic view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities creates conditions for success and healthier living.
To start, let me be clear. When I talk of optimism, I do not mean that rose-colored glasses, Pollyannaish-way of looking at the world. True optimists know bad things happen; they experience tragedy just like everyone else. But what separates optimists from their pessimistic brothers and sisters is how they move forward in their thinking and actions relative to those events.
Much of the way we view the world has been shaped by the messages we received as children. I was fortunate to grow up with women who were remarkable optimists. My mother and my maternal grandmother -- women who lived through great difficulties, such as the Great Depression, single-parenting, loss of children and spouses -- still managed to demonstrate the belief that things will always work out in the end. They taught me to live life with anticipation and a hopeful expectation towards a desired outcome predicated not on wishful thinking, but through dedication and commitment to the goal.
I was well into my teenage years when I learned that not everyone grew up learning this positive outlook. A dear, childhood friend was taught differently. She received messages such as:
According to Dr. Martin Seligman's theory of learned optimism, optimistic children grow up to be optimistic teenagers and adults. In his book, "Learned Optimism," Seligman states that there are three factors that determine a learned optimistic paradigm:
1. Optimism is acquired from our mothers. How our mothers reacted to problems set the stage for our own reaction to difficult situations. If mom dealt with everyday problems with a bright and hopeful outlook, then we, as children, learned to do the same.
2. Optimism is influenced by the adults around us. The way adults (parents, teachers) chastise us can leave a lasting impression on how we perceive our own abilities. (Thank God for my mom and grandmother. I attended Catholic school in the 1960s ... enough said.)
3. Optimism is shaped by family turmoil. Family crises such as divorce or the untimely or tragic death of a family member can contribute to a child's general view of life later life.
Optimism, according to philosopher and futurist visionary Dr. Max More is an "empowering, constructive attitude that creates conditions for success by focusing and acting on possibilities and opportunities." This is why optimists tend to recover faster from difficulties. When something bad happens to optimists, they view the circumstance as temporary rather than permanent; they see the situation as affecting a specific part of their life, rather than pervading all areas.
Now, some people prefer to label themselves as realists, explaining events just as they are. As writer Robert Brault so simply explained, "The realist sees reality as concrete. The optimist sees reality as clay."
Do you view life with optimism -- Braultian realism -- or are your more in line with George Will, who said, "The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised" ? What's your worldview? I'd love to hear from you.
Enjoy your day ... or at least try to do so!
The Optimist: An Overview
1. Views life positively
2. Takes life as it is
3. Is open to possibilities
4. Has a sense of humor, particularly about one's self
5. Is rational:
--Uses reason rather than being led by fears and desires
--Objectively assesses situations
--Takes action based on those assessments
If you are looking to build an attitude of optimism, review the overview above. Select just one factor and make a commitment to it. Not sure where to begin, but want to do so? Afraid the task may be daunting? Your willingness to try, in and of itself, is an example of factor number three: Being open to possibilities -- the possibility of shifting your attitude. Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?
Rita also conducts stress management and resilience-building workshops provided by WorkTerrain, a division of KidsTerrain, Inc. and funded by the Massachusetts Dept. of Industrial Accidents, and she is actively involved with Maine Resilience, a program coordinated with the effort, materials and information offered by the American Psychological Association and the Maine Psychological Association through their Public Education Programs. Rita is an Associate Member of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA). Visit her online at www.ritaschiano.com and Red Room, where you can read her blog.
Follow Rita Schiano on Twitter: www.twitter.com/RitaSchiano
Highly recommend Seligman's work, especially book "Flourish."
I teach, my teaching improves a lot when I'm feeling positive.
It takes a lot of effort for me to try to stay positive, I do have my lows, but it's worth trying, the rewards are instantaneous.
My mother was 18 when she had me and I was her second kid; my parents divorced when I was under 10 and by then I was nothing but a ball of emotional armor.
Yet other people have had it much worse. Yes, it screwed me up, I am a highly sensitive person and absorbed absolutely every bit of the pain and anger around me at the time.
But my childhood was not my destiny, it was my past. It's taken a very long time, but I'm over all the pain and anger that I had taken on. My point, (and I do have one) is that the process of healing is also one of strengthening. I am one of the very few highly sensitive people that I know of who not only doesn't take crap from anyone, I also don't lose any sleep over it.
Optimism is easier if you can blow off the naysayers. Sometimes, difficult experiences have happy endings.
it is said reagan was an optimist and look what that got us. his instilled confidence and optimism said to americans everything is fine you dont have to change like the wimp carter suggested we are americans; we are exceptional and everything will be fine.
now lets get on with free markets, union busting, and tax reductions for the rich and corp america.
so much for optimtism dont you think. it can blind one to what is occuring in their lives and their nation. need for balance balance balance. that requires both the yin and the yang.
find out who has more car wrecks the optimists or the pessimist folks. :-)
a pessimist will look twice both ways before pulling out onto a street, an optimist will only look once each way. guess who gets in more wrecks. obama was an optimist with his yes we can that became no we cant, need I go on.
"The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little". Mark Twain
pessimist and optimist dont work with what you are attempting to say in your article. awareness awareness awareness not these two terms of pessimist and optimist. they are labels and we humans love to label others.
my life that many pessimists continually have accidents, often the same one, over and over
because of a lack of awareness, hence heavy energy.
Yet another way I've messed up my kids.
William Arthur Ward
I've learned to be stronger and more positive in spite of the difficult childhood I've experience and living with disease. Being upset and angry all the time does not help you achieve anything so do something constructive with that energy. Life is a lot of good with few sprinkles of bad in it - savor the good especially when you are having a bad day, month or year. Good things will happen to you again soon enough. We have more influence on our thinking, lives, destiny and legacy than we realize. You will never try to achieve anything unless you believe that it is possible, and unless your formulate positive thoughts, you'll never believe that you can. Improve your the 'quality' of your thinking. "Thinking for a Change" by John C Maxwell is a great book on this topic.