When I was a child and refused to go to Shul, it was my mother who dragged me out of bed. She taught me the laws of Shabbat, to separate challah, how to keep a kosher home. My mother did not convert for my father, she liked to remind us. The first time, she converted for herself. The second time, she converted for me.
It began when she was pregnant and looking for a Mohel to perform my bris (circumcision). I turned out to be a girl, but my parents never learned their children's genders in advance. They had recently moved to a Conservative synagogue, so my mother approached the rabbi there. He asked her about her first conversion through the Reform movement, and after learning about the details, he encouraged her to convert again. My mother felt hurt that her choice to follow Judaism for nearly eight years was not recognized. However, she converted a second time through the Conservative movement, so that I would live my life free from doubt.
Doubt found me anyway, introducing himself at my university's Hillel as I discussed conversion with a friend. My mother converted, I said proudly. My friend's eyebrows raised. "Through what movement?" She asked. I did not know. The atmosphere changed. "You should find out," she said. I did, and reported back. She was the first to tell me that I might not be Jewish.
The Orthodox movement requires three male, Jewish witnesses who observe halachah (traditional Jewish law) to validate a conversion. Given the differences in observance across different Jewish movements, many Orthodox leaders consider the witnesses in a Conservative conversion to be problematic. Having been raised Orthodox after my family moved to West Virginia, I can understand why they might feel this way. Even so, I cannot describe the pain I felt that day. It was like being deeply in love for 18 years, only to learn suddenly that the relationship was "maybe" over.
During college, my peers gave me their version of the rules of my new life as a Saphek, someone whose Jewish identity is in doubt. I should keep kashrut (dietary laws), but I should not keep Shabbat, since it is a special gift from God to the Jewish people. I should not date a gentile; I must not date a Jew. I should not recite kiddush and motzi (blessings over wine and bread) at Shabbat dinner, even in a pluralistic environment, lest others mistake me for a Jew and leave their own blessings unfulfilled by saying "Amen" to mine. As a woman, my situation is uniquely problematic, since the Orthodox movement considers Jewish identity to pass through the mother. Treating me as a Jew would allow me to marry a Jewish man and to bear him potentially non-Jewish children. The issue is always discussed in this way: in terms of what damage I might cause the Jewish community if I am not a Jew. The possibility that the Jewish community might be harming me, preventing me from living as a Jew if indeed I am one, does not seem to be of concern.
As a college student, my community has caused me an enormous amount of harm. Well-meaning friends advise me to "just convert," with no comprehension of the feeling of having your Jewish roots pulled out from under you. The treatment by my somewhat-learned peers has practical ramifications as well. For the past year, I have ceased attending Friday night dinners at my Hillel to avoid the embarrassment of declining to lead kiddush and motzi and having to explain why. Some Jewish friends who learn of my religious status have asked me to carry things for them on Shabbat, an action that for me is more undoable than unthinkable. In all of these cases, my peers did not consult a rabbinic authority beforehand, making split-second decisions that distanced me from my faith and caused deep, lasting grief.
While Orthodox leaders continue to grapple with this issue, I do not ask that anyone accept me as a Jew. However, I do ask them to treat me with kindness and respect, to take the time to consult a knowledgeable authority before taking matters into their own hands. I ask Jewish leaders to take the time to educate their communities on this issue, a somewhat taboo topic that must nevertheless be addressed. I ask all to consider whether they are strengthening Judaism by distancing me, or simply refusing a young woman an achingly beautiful heritage that might be hers. Perhaps one day I will convert through the Orthodox movement to relieve them of this question. In the meantime, I will keep kosher. I will observe Shabbat this weekend, and the next, and I will say kiddush and motzei for my friends. Anyone who wants can say "Amen."
Rabbi Darby Jared Leigh: Rock 'n' Roll Shabbat: The Spiritual Experience of Turning Up the Volume
Orthodox Judaism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Branches of Judaism - Orthodox Judaism
Orthodox Jew - definition of Orthodox Jew by the Free Online ...
Personally I think once the Rabbinical Council of America has collected their $100 fee for a particular convert once, the Council itself ought to be the guarantor of the appropriateness of the person's new status. If there is any question of a conversion under their auspices being 'real', what are they being paid for?
1. It is not useful to tell Ms. Cohen that conversion will solve her problems. It won't. Some of us have undergone up to three conversions -- Reform, Conservative and Orthodox -- and still aren't accepted in various Jewish communities.
2. It is unhelpful to tell Ms. Cohen that she should just participate in the Jewish community and not mention her interfaith parentage. Advising people to engage in deception about their backgrounds is not healthy for them.
3. Suggesting Ms. Cohen abandon religion is also unhelpful. There are many half-Jewish atheists and agnostics who are treated in a discriminatory manner by other Jews.
4.Stating that you personally consider Ms. Cohen to be a Jew if she wishes to live as one is a good first step. I would suggest that you start pushing your personal Jewish community to take action on the discrimination against half-Jewish people.
5. The Half-Jewish Network maintains extensive documentation on its website of the poor treatment of half-Jewish people in Jewish communities worldwide. Anyone sincerely wishing to learn more about our issues and how to assist us in a positive manner is welcome to visit our website.
Sincerely,
Robin Margolis
Half-Jewish Network
You're Jewish. Let go of the importance of the opinion of others!
Ultimately its only between you and G-D.
Women in the conversion process. As a people we are very good at the intellectual and discursive process, but many of us are lacking in our emotional development. With the rise of moral absolutism there has also been an attendent rise in the 'arrogance of the saved' we used to only see in others. Compassion and care of others are Jewish values. Can we say we heal the world when thoughtlessness hurts others. Let us get back to some good old Jewish values andbe what we truly are. A noble people amongst a noble species. I am sorry that such a fine human being has been made to feel less Jewish because of sectional politics. I wpild be proud to always respomd to your blessings with a hearty and generous Amen!