Gonzales Resigns, Vows to Find the Real Perjurers

A grim-faced Alberto Gonzales announced today that he was resigning in order to dedicate the rest of his life to "finding the real perjurers." "They deceived Congress and the American people," he said, "and I won't rest until they're brought to justice." He added that he also intends to find out who used the chief law enforcement office in the land to subvert the Constitution.

The outgoing Attorney General also noted that someone in a senior Administration authorized the use of torture, which he observed was not only "barbaric" but also violated international law. "That discovery caused me great pain," Mr. Gonzales said. "I mean, it wasn't the kind of pain that simulates organ failure or death, but it still kinda smarted."

Mr. Gonzales scoffed at rumors that he's writing a book called If I Did It. "Believe me," the Attorney General said. "If anybody was writing something like that, I'd have gotten a report from Gen. Hayden about it."

A Night Light
The Sentinel Effect: Healthcare Blog
Future-While-U-Wait
RJ Eskow at the Huffington Post

Comments

[Nommo]

Didn't OJ Simpson do that first? Should we have
a pool to see who finds the 'bad guys' first?

[starboymikey]

Does anyone seriously think the resignations Gonzo the Great and, yes, Karl Rove, are actually going to change anything within this administration?

The next AG will have exactly the same philosophy as Gonzales, because it is the central philosophy of the Bush administration. And as for Rove, he will just keep on keeping on from the sidelines. The leopard does not change his spots, though he can fool the eye by shifting them around a little.

Keep moving. folks. Nothing to see here.

[Tabasco]

To find the true perjurers, maybe Berto can check under his cushions or behind his curtains (he should AVOID mirrors at ALL costs).

It worked real snappy for GWB when questioned about Iraq's missing WMD.

[Dunnage]

I'm gonna miss him.

[WeepingWillow]

One of the basic republican tactics at work again: if you fart in a roomful of people, be the first to wonder who did it. To put it quaintly: He who smelled it dealt it!

[Qbear]

Cheney's mouthpiece is GONE, and his PR hack Tony Snow is leaving the building.
EVERY wrong decision Cheney made was rationalized by Gonzales skool O' Law, otherwise known as "Constitution For Dummies."
all the torture rationale, all the spying on U.S. citizens, all the EMPIRIAL POWERS for the Exeuctive Branch were concieved by Cheney and rationalized by Gonzales.

The correct response to Alberto Gonzales leaving the body politic...is a MASSIVE FLUSH!

[dolphy]

Qbear,

60/40 is too generous. It will be 75/25.

One by one, all these corrupt Repig hypocrites will bite the dust.

SEND THEM ALL TO THE HAGUE!!!

[afgail]

Gonzo has been living under a rock so long he may be permanently blinded. I nominate David Iglaises, the ousted New Mexico Deputy Attorney, for the Attorney General.

[NoContest]

Good analogy with OJ. Stinging. You always provide a little sizzle with your steak.

Why are all these rats running away at this point in time? Rove, Gonzales, Bartlett, Snow. Others.... They are up to comething clandestine and I think it has to do with the '08 elections. I smell wet rat and it's making me very uncomfortable.

[kardwell]

It might also have something to do with our impending march into Iran.

They might be crooks,liars, fascists and thieves, but these folks certainly aren't stupid.

[Qbear]

Bush,

Take a long hard look at the country's reaction to Rove and Gonzales resignations, it's ONLY a glimmer to the reaction HISTORY will record your reign, cuz you were their BOSS. Did you hear anyone besides yourself say, What magnificent service Rove or Gonzales did for America? or How will America go on without them? or We are sure gonna miss them?
HELL NO!
What Rove and Gonzales did to damage America here and abroad makes them LOATHED by Democrats and Independants, and Moderate Repigs.
The GOP fan club of Rove and Gonzales ONLY liked them as they won elections or stocked the courts with lackluster party hacks. When they began being LOSERS, their sleazy tactics even faithful Repigs knew they had to toss.
So brace yourself Georgie Junior, when you leave the White House 60% of America will CHEER, the other 40% will just be quietly relieved your reign is OVER.

[sarge]

Maybe the fired U.S. Attorney's can sue and get the proceeds of his book.

[TexasDem0]

Will he conduct the investigation from the Bush Hacienda in Paraguay, where there is no extradition treaty with the U.S.?

[Deerfieldguy]

One Fascist down. Now if the other two Fascists (obviously Bush and Cheney) would resign, maybe we can have our country back. I doubt it will happen, but at least getting rid of Gonzales is an excellent start to the pre-Labor Day Holiday.