I Can Fly This Plane Just Fine, Darn It!

Why, hello there, folks! May I call you "folks"? I'll be your pilot today. What? Am I "qualified" to fly this jalopy? You betcha! Why? Because I'm a mom, that's why. No, I don't know what all these switches and handles and whatnot are. I don't CARE what they are, to tell ya the truth. The important thing is that I'm ready, I'm willing, and (wink) I'm eager as heck to get the job done! THAT'S what matters.

Doncha think? O-kay then. Here we go!

Whoops! Whew. That's a lotta noise. And just a teensy bit of fire back there. But what the heck, right? It's fuel, and energy happens to be my specialty.

What? Who's that fella yellin' over the radio? Air traffic control? Well, who the heck cares? No, honestly, really: Who cares? I sure as heck don't, and I don't think my passengers do either.

What's my heading? What's my heading? We're on the right track and we know where we want to go, that's for darn sure.

No, I'm not going to give you my "bearings," or whatever it is you call those little numbers. Look here, Buster, I might not answer those questions the way you or the other pilots might like. But you know what? I'm going to talk straight to my passengers here, without the filter of any darned air traffic controllers or FAA or whatever the heck you all are calling yourselves now.

I mean, how good can you guys be at your jobs, anyhoo? There are just a heck of a lot, I mean a HECK of a lot of plane crashes all the darn time. So real people like me and my passengers figure it's time for some fresh air in this whole flying business anyway.

What? What are you saying there in your fancy-dancy tower down there? We don't have towers like that on Main Street in Wasilla, buster, you can bet your life. Nope. Just a whole heck of a lot of common sense, which is all too rare in this world today, doncha think?

And if I can handle a crying baby and ban a book and milk the federal government for all the pork my little town can hold, all at the same time, then for cryin' out loud don't you think I can fly your darn little airplane?

What? are you TALKING again? Saying that most crashes are due to pilot error? Like, because the pilot didn't KNOW stuff?

There you go again with your LOOKING BACK. We'd rather look FORWARD where I come from. But then, heck, I guess that's just the darned difference between you and us, isn't it? But you're a good talker, though. I'll give ya that.

Why aren't I changing my heading to zero-one-niner as instructed? Because I'm the mommy, that's why, Mr. Smarty-Pants. I think I've got enough sense to know when to turn a darn airplane.

What's that? Raise flaps? Raise FLAPS? Raise flaps or we'll CRASH? There you go again, raising the white flag of surrender just when we ....

..... [static] ...

Wait. Team, I think we found a survivor. He's in critical condition - looks like he'll need surgery right here at the crash site. But a routine depressurizing of the skull should save his life. Thank God the neurosurgeon's here. Save this one, Doc.

Oh, heck. Ouch. That's gotta hurt, right? No, I didn't go to any fancy-dancy medical school but I'm a Mom so believe-you-me I've seen a booboo or two in my day and if somebody around here just has a sharp thimgamajig we'll have you fixed up in a jiffy. Don't worry. This won't hurt a bit!

RJ Eskow blogs at:

A Night Light
The Sentinel Effect: Healthcare Blog
Future-While-U-Wait

Comments

[Whinger]

Just think of the damage a lipstick wearing Pitbull in a china shop could cause!

[Pacojam]

What type of person would WANT the job of flying a plane with no expertise/experience knowing that the very possible consequences include death for everyone.

Only a narsisistic person low on the inteligence scale would want take a job that is way over their head, regardless of who asks them to do so,

A moment of glory for what? I bet Bush right now probably regrets that he ever ran for President.

[deeppeace]

Brilliant. I just really, really, REALLY don't understand people who think she is acceptable as anything more complicated than weathergal.

[Pacojam]

True, she would probably make a great weather gal!

She appears completely qualified for that.

Apologies to the meteorologists out there if the above is insulting.

[sportsjefe]

Well, she was a sportscaster in her time...

[ramblingjohnny]

Don't worry she get a TV deal out of this train wreck!

[Preraphaelite]

Many a true word spoken in jest.

It's so frightening what you have written I felt a bit self conscious laughing at it.

[twschaller]

Hysterical RJ ! . Always love your posts - but man - this one is some kind of (scary) genius...... (in what respect, Charlie?! Thanks for a good laugh and I hope we're all still laughing on Nov. 5.

[JRsNana]

I swear to god I would be laughing at this piece if it didn't scare the living daylights out me with its absolute 100% truth. This is exactly the way Sarah thinks!
We should all be afraid, very very afraid of McCain and Palin. Erratic sound bites. That, my friends, is no way to run a campaign, or more importantly, a country.

[Freesia2]

Laughing :-) :-)...........but crying.

Land this plane and save us all Barack and Joe.

[OpusIsUnderTheBed]

Exactly. Funny, but sad.

A blogger on this site, recently suggested Palin step down, for the good of the country (man lives in a fantasy land). Sarah, you've won the audition at the mall and will be flown to NYC, to star in a broadway play, with John Malkovich and Kevin Stacey. Wait! Wait! We'd like you to step down for the good of Broadway.

[Freesia2]

lol

Oh Opus (why are you under the bed by the way?) if only we could substitute that. Just have the casting director who miscast her in the role of vice presidential candidate give her her walking papers. Pink slip her back to the mall to work at... the tanning salon or hunting gear shop.

[texanna]

Great piece! Spot on! People that would leave a plan by the emergency exits if she came on the PA are perfectly willing to hand over our government to her. What are they thinking?!

[lilring]

It's possible that I'm being a bit of a baby, but the jabs at Palin's "mom experience" are really starting to accumulate, and they're beginning to grate on me.

Believe me, no one more sincerely believes that she is the embodiment of anti-intellectualist narcissism than I. She scares the f out of me. But it's sort been making my skin crawl to hear/read yet another snotty stab at the relevance of Palin's motherhood. You guys are laughing a little loo loud.

Here I was, livin' in 2008, 24 and greatful for the genius of IUDs, thinking one of the most important accomplishments of feminists before me helping to make more visible the value of "women's work," and fight for recognition of the informal economy as not a complete laughing stock. The absurdity of ticking that off as an example of executive experience is of course wildly insane, but it's growing less and less funny as the crux of every stupid joke as the weeks wear on.

[texanna]

lilring, I have no idea if you are a mom or not, but I am and I assure you that it in no way is executive experience. It is valuable work, to be sure, and should not be denigrated in general. But, when someone uses it as a resume point for a high level executive position -- then that person has made a mockery of it. Try this example to make it more relevant -- being a mom would hardly be one of the major points on your resume if you were seeking a Vice President position with a major corporation. The HR person probably wouldn't even give you a call back! So, why is it one of Palin's? Could it possibly be that her resume is so very thin with regards the Vice Presidency of the US that she has not choice?

[ggirl00]

LMAO!

[IndependentforObama]

Great piece.

I wish Biden had said that the only index of what the future holds is the future is the past. BUT he did a FANTASTIC job of tying Bush to the past 8 years. That much no one can deny.

Yes, there are 2 more debates and I am praying that Obama aces them like Biden did. McCain will be in the town hall.. "that is his baby"... and I hope that this time, Obama will attack forcefully. Hopefully all his ducks are in a row ANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD... *roar of clapping please**... he cuts his hair. Obama needs a nice close crop. Take note future first lady, the indomitable Michelle.

It is important we stay on the ball. break into people's minds with your logic. Use as much information from Obama's site and Biden's to convince them. It does not matter whether you are from a big state of small one. Never be sure or proud of your achievement until Nov 5.

Bush was in power for 8-years. We need a massive heave and a good plan to make sure THIS MISMANAGEMENT of the USA NEVER AGAIN happens.

Green and bright is best or maybe even brighter to sea.

[TRYKER]

Biden did say "The past is prologue" after her rant.
Obama's hair looks better longer, so go tell Joe to get the $400 treatment, don't see how you over-looked that stuff on his collar.

[bernusdellus]

Of course I can land the plane. I'm an expert. Why, I can see the ground from my window!

Gag.

[Philly Gadfly]

It is not fair to expect her to fly a plane. She's only been at this for, what, 5 weeks now?

[MichelleB]

Very funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sociocanuck]

How will the GOP be able to go one step closer to "average joe" without electing a person with zero political experience whatsoever?

Next time they'll pick someone who has only ever been a mayor? City councillor? Local high school Principal? Part time civics instructor? PTA Mom?