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RJ Eskow

RJ Eskow

Posted: December 18, 2008 06:32 PM

Kennedy, Warren, and the Democrats: How About Some Conflict Resolution?


The Democratic leadership may be prepared to ride out the current storms over Caroline Kennedy and Rick Warren. That would be a mistake. This is a time to heal wounds, not create new ones.

If the Party wants to demonstrate a new and inclusive style, however, this is a real opportunity. Why not use some the principles of conflict resolution outlined in the U. S. Navy's conflict training program? They include: Think Before Reacting, Use Direct Communications, Look For Interests, Focus On the Future, and find Options for Mutual Gain.

Think Before Reacting

It's not hard to see the logic behind both the Warren and Kennedy decisions. And Washington leaders may be tempted to dismiss the current backlash as the shrill sound of the blogosphere. But does the Democratic Party really want to assume power with a wounded base? Before dismissing the objections, the leadership should study them.

Regarding Warren, the Obama team hopefully understands that the cries they're hearing from the LGBT community are cries of anguish. They've caused genuine pain with this decision, and they need to address it - not only because they need to unify the country, but because it's the right thing to do.

And as for Ms. Kennedy, she needs to understand that some of the opposition she's facing seems to be based on two genuine concerns. One is that she may not be not tough or experienced enough for the job. The other is that politics in this country is dominated by a tiny elite. She will remain under fire until she considers the merit of these arguments.

I have to think before reacting too, in the case of Ms. Kennedy's opponents. While I don't have strong feelings about her nomination, I've been offended at some of the blatantly sexist comments from people who oppose her - especially when those same people were rightfully outraged at sexist remarks about Hillary Clinton. And I've been baffled by Clinton supporters who insist that only someone who has previously run for office should be considered. Chuck Schumer and other Democratic leaders forced career politician Nita Lowey to step aside in New York's 2000 Democratic Senatorial primary. Lowey was considered a shoo-in until she was forced to yield to someone who, like Caroline Kennedy, had a famous last name and had never been a candidate.

But reflection makes it clear that there are valid emotions driving these comments, too - anger at our exclusionary politics and the desire for fair play. Some of the same reactions are behind Democratic resistance to Hillary Clinton's selection for the State Department, too (although I support her nomination.)

Use Direct Communications

Ms. Kennedy should immediately start taking questions from the press. And it might be a good idea if she sat down face to face with some of the people opposed to her nomination. That way she can address their concerns directly. She would also be demonstrating that she has some of the necessary qualifications for the job: the ability to take flak, and the willingness to parley with her opponents.

Regarding the Inauguration, the Obama team should consider making direct contact with members of the GLBT community and asking what can be done to make the situation better for them. If Rick Warren will sit down with gay and lesbian leaders, he should do that too. Best of all would be a sit-down with all interested parties.

Look For Common Interests

There are a number of shared interests at play here. Rick Warren has been highly effective in combating AIDS and has taken positions on civil unions that represent a step up from James Dobson. Yet he wants to inherit the Dobson mantle, so he's sent mixed messages at best. Gays and lesbians are being demonized in the evangelical community. Are there ways that Warren and GLBT leaders can work together - maybe in fighting workplace discrimination against gays? If they are to communicate effectively, however, Rev. Warren and other need to understand that civil rights are fundamental and non-negotiable.

Caroline Kennedy shares goals with many other progressives. She can use her communications strategy with the progressive community to outline those shared goals and develop a plan for reaching them. One already comes to mind (see below.)

Find Opportunities for Mutual Gain

Ms. Kennedy's backers argue that her fundraising ability makes her a good choice. That may be true, but it also illustrates a major flaw in our political system. So why doesn't Caroline Kennedy pledge that she will dedicate her public career to campaign finance reform if she becomes a Senator? And not just marginal reform, but full public funding of campaigns for higher office.

Regarding Rick Warren, why not invite one more minister to speak at the Inauguration? I have someone in mind: Rev. Gene Robinson. Gene Robinson is the openly gay Episcopal bishop whose appointment has caused a rift with anti-gay Third World Anglican communities. I'm not gay and can't speak for the community, but that might help. And if Rev. Robinson's impact on the Third World makes him too controversial, there are other gay clergy who could be asked.

One thing is certain: If this Inauguration is to be "inclusive," as we're being told, a little more "including" of the gay community is called for.

Focus On the Future

Regarding Rick Warren, it's clear by now that reconciliation and unification are part of President-elect Obama's personality. That's a plus in my book, not a minus, and I've defended him for it against others on the Left. But Ezra Klein gets it right when he says, regarding the invocation, that "the tolerance Obama is asking for ...is not from Warren. It's from the LGBT community, and women. He is asking them to be tolerant of Warren's intolerance." In his invocation, Rick Warren can reach out to those with whom he disagrees, just as Obama has reached out to him with this invitation.

Caroline Kennedy has been staking out a claim to education as her primary issue. That's a good start, but a broader agenda - and more active one-on-one engagement - might convince skeptics that she has a vision of the future they share. She needs to make some forward-looking pledges, and stick to them.
_________________

Can these conflict resolution principles heal the rifts in the Democratic Party? It's hard to know. But it would be inspiring to see them used. Everybody would win in the long run - and maybe sooner than that.


RJ Eskow blogs when he can at:

A Night Light
The Sentinel Effect: Healthcare Blog

Follow RJ Eskow on Twitter: www.twitter.com/rjeskow

The Democratic leadership may be prepared to ride out the current storms over Caroline Kennedy and Rick Warren. That would be a mistake. This is a time to heal wounds, not create new ones. If the P...
The Democratic leadership may be prepared to ride out the current storms over Caroline Kennedy and Rick Warren. That would be a mistake. This is a time to heal wounds, not create new ones. If the P...
 
 
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Skepticat
Supporting skeptical felines everywhere
05:47 PM on 12/20/2008
I don't like religious fundementalists and idealogs but unfortunately they're out there in enough force to create proposition 8's and deny or take rights away from people. The voters for prop 8 were not teleported into Cali from another galaxy but had been living there with irrational phobias for decades.
They're still there. If less of them took as extreme a position you wouldn't have proposition 8 and it's imitators. Change of thought if it's going to happen at all depends on reducing the fear factor so they don't automatically vote for the next panderer of divisiveness that comes along. Ordinary citizens may be able to ignore large groups they don't agree with. Presidents of countries undergoing economic collapse don't have the same luxury if they want conditiond to improve.
11:06 AM on 12/20/2008
Obviously you REALLY don't understand the pain this decision has caused when you say we should look for common ground with people like Warren. This is like asking black people to find common ground with David Duke and the KKK because they raised money for a children's shelter somewhere in Alabama. Being passive is no longer an option for gay people now. We are seeing the writing on the wall just before it falls on us. It is time to start taking our money and hiring the best lawyers we can because our hope of equal rights threw Obama are dead and supporting him is no longer an option.
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JimR
07:35 PM on 12/20/2008
Warren is giving is a dumb 3-minute prayer. That's it. That's all he's doing. It is not a "platform for his views" or some kind of honoring of his position on gay marriage. It's a stupid prayer which you are blowing WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY out of proportion. The day after the inauguration, no one will remember his invocation, and Obama will still be committed to gay rights.

And I support gay marriage, but your comparison to the KKK doesn't hold water.
HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
1dogs2
09:23 AM on 12/20/2008
The GLBT community and their supporters need to be very careful what they wish for. If they succeed in bringing the issue of gay marriage before the current Supreme Court as a 14th Amendment equal rights question, they will almost certainly lose. They will then have the added burden of getting a precedent overruled in order to establish their right to same-sex marriage.

While it is slower, a surer path would be to lobby, state by state, for a change in state law to allow civil unions (or marriage) with the full panoply of the rights and responsibilities of marriage, while the scientific community continues to gather definitive evidence that human sexuality is genetically programmed and therefore immutable.

Time is on the side of the GLBT community. Homophobia was close to universal when I was growing up. It isn't any longer, perhaps in part because the AIDS epidemic demonstrated that "they" were our children, our friends, our co-workers, our classmates -- not some scary, closeted "others." Eventually, and much sooner than anyone of my generation would have guessed, same-sex marriage will be legal throughout the US and the GLBT community will enjoy the equal equal rights guaranteed by the 14th Amendment. Getting there will require the wisdom to recognize friends and allies, rather than attacking them for being insufficiently ideologically pure.
12:45 AM on 12/20/2008
I want to just scream about Rick Warren. I had such hope for Obama. It wasn't just hope it was $$$. It was flying to Colorado to canvass. It was registering voters for days and days. HOW COULD HE DO THIS????? I am grief-struck. Equality means absolutely nothing, if it doesn't extend to EVERYONE!!!!!
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JimR
06:54 AM on 12/20/2008
Do what? Select him to give a 3-minute prayer everyone's going to forget?

Oh, the horror... THE HORROR!!!
12:24 AM on 12/20/2008
Despite his recent trying to soft pedal his homophobia, Rick Warren is, in fact, a homophobe. The following is from his church's website. And, in reading it, keep in mind that it is HIS church, with his rules. It's not Catholic, Presbyterian, Baptist or part of a larger demonination, so he can't pretend that it's the policy of a higher ruling body such as found in larger "establishment" churches.

Here's the quote: "Because membership in a church is an outgrowth of accepting the Lordship and leadership of Jesus in one’s life, someone unwilling to repent of their homosexual lifestyle would not be accepted at a member at Saddleback Church. That does not mean they cannot attend church – we hope they do! God’s Word has the power to change our lives."

You can visit, but you can't belong if you're gay. And, his church runs programs that try "cure" people of their homosexuality.

So....do not buy his routine. If he sounds like a homophobe, preaches like a homophobe and dictates organizational policy like a homophobe.....he's a homophobe. Don't let him off the hook.
11:44 PM on 12/19/2008
Here's what I did as my protest to Obama's unfortunate selection of Warren:

I'm a registered Democrat (at least, I was). I notified the DNC that I was changing my party from Democrat to Independent, and the reason was because of Obama's selection of Warren for the inauguration. I then downloaded a registration form from my state's online voter registration - changed parties on the form - and mailed it. This may not be dramatic, but if enough of us do this, we'll certainly be counted.
12:40 AM on 12/20/2008
I am getting ready to switch parties too. I am waiting to see what happens with the U.S. senate appointments, and then I am going to make my decision. I have been a Democrat since I was 18, so this is going to be a difficult change for me, but I have been disappointed with many of the decisions that have been made. I don' t think the Democratic Party represents my values anymore. I think I might be registering with the Green Party.
01:09 AM on 12/20/2008
I live in a state where one doesn't register to one party or another, but I too feel disillusioned. Whether it's throwing gays under the bus, or indulging in the same cronyism and kow-towing to plutocrats that the Republicans do, it's very difficult to tell the two parties apart this week.
07:18 PM on 12/19/2008
Obama doesn't support gay marriage either. Rick Warren speaks for him on this issue. Maybe gays should be directing some anger at Obama's personal view of prop 8. In Olbermann's massive rant about it he never identified that his hero is effectively against prop 8.
05:13 PM on 12/19/2008
If Kennedy cares so much, let her step aside for a woman or man who is truly qualified for this job, run for an office instead of asking for a favor from her cronies, and put her money where her mouth is.
11:24 AM on 12/19/2008
Good article.

One thing--Obama did invite another pastor who supports gay marriage to speak, Reverend Lowery, who is a hardcore progressive.

It seems we are suffering from a form of PTSD.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
DMSmith
04:10 PM on 12/19/2008
In this sit-down you suggest, will they serve me water and donuts?

SCREW that. Mr. Obama blew it HUGELY and it will NOT be forgotten. Period.
11:25 AM on 12/19/2008
what is wrong with water and donuts?

Nobody is asking you to forget.
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BARRISTER
05:05 PM on 12/19/2008
DMSmith:

Peace my friend. There is no medicine better than that which Obama is prescribing for America and the World. When you bring warring factions to the table and you insist that they confront their prejudices, they soon learn that they are more alike than different.

Patience. It will all work out for the better. President Obama cannot, with any legitimacy, ask World Leaders to sit down with each other and resolves their differences if he is unwilling to do so at home. this methodology being employed by President Obama domesticlly has the additional objective of persuading International Warring factions to the table.

We need to take heed; assist, not resist, Change!

One Love
06:01 PM on 12/19/2008
Warren isn't confronting his prejudice he is villifying gays by equating them to Pedophiles, rapists, and incestual relationships

This is not a simple disagreement this is like asking blacks to stomach the KKK and Jews to stomach the nazis
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
NavyMom44
12:32 AM on 12/20/2008
Thank you for a clear head.

All this whining is getting on my nerves, they are acting like children "do it my way or I will scream" GROW THE H$LL UP, the gay community has LARGER issues.

Yea Yea before someone gets on their high horse I've been fighting for gay rights for years. Currently we are helping two gay couples in FL adopt three infants in TX & CA by establishing residences so the adoptions then they will return home after 4-6 mths. By helping several women I know let gay couples adopt their kids, that these kids with the same sex parents should raise their child (we tend to focus on men as women can use in vitro)
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
mommadona
I paint. I blog. Therefore, I am.
04:00 PM on 12/19/2008
"the tolerance Obama is asking for ...is not from Warren. It's from the LGBT community, and women. He is asking them to be tolerant of Warren's intolerance."

EXACTLY.

INTOLERANCE is the key word here.

Main outlet of the INTOLERANCE in the US is from....get ready for it....,

THE FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIAN DOMINIONIST crowd with a MARTYR COMPLEX.

Have you EVER heard of a TOLERANT FUNDAMENTALIST EVANGELICAL? Didn't think so
Have you EVER heard of a TOLERANT FUNDAMENTALIST TALIBAN? Didn't think so.

There IS no "common ground" with FUNDAMENTALIST INTOLERANCE.

"Can't we just all git along?"

No.
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Davwbaird
43 years standing for equal rights
01:04 AM on 12/20/2008
for behold their's is the only truth. The bible is the literal word and they will kill to prove it.
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Davwbaird
43 years standing for equal rights
01:11 AM on 12/20/2008
Mathew shepherd and Harvey Milk paid the price for Warren's intolerance how many more must do so? Until we come to our heart and really follow Jesus to those places so hard for us to find within our own hearts?
03:30 PM on 12/19/2008
There is no balm in Washington, DC. BHO could ignore the fact that the LGBT community dislikes & fears Rev Warren his ilk & go on. There will be wounds. The wounds will fester. Both sides may choose to take comfort in the urban adage: "Time wounds all heels.". 20 years from now both sides will limp because the wounds festered & each side lost a leg.
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Davwbaird
43 years standing for equal rights
01:05 AM on 12/20/2008
It seems we are all limping due to the intolerance of the last eight years.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
seanparnell
02:14 PM on 12/19/2008
"...So why doesn't Caroline Kennedy pledge that she will dedicate her public career to campaign finance reform if she becomes a Senator? And not just marginal reform, but full public funding of campaigns for higher office. "

That would be a fabulous idea. After all, "full public funding" means limiting the amount of money one's opponent can spend to challenge an incumbent Senator, in this case one with extraordinary name recognition. Nothing like using campaign finance "reform" to give yourself a huge advantage over someone who can't possibly spend enough money to even come close in terms of name recognition and political connections.

Same for contribution limits - the Kennedy name is worth how many millions of dollars in a campaign? Limit the amount of money your opponent can raise from each donor, and it's almost impossible to mount a credible challenge to you.

If campaign finance "reform" had been around in 1968, Gene McCarthy would be a footnote in New Hampshire Primary history, the guy that got anhilated by LBJ in his quixotic quest to challenge the sitting President of the United States. Instead, a few very wealthy liberals gave him a significant amount of money, allowing him to "win" New Hampshire and knock LBJ out of the race (technically, he narrowly lost, but it was enough of a blow to LBJ to force him out of the race).

Sean Parnell
President
Center for Competitive Politics
www.campaignfreedom.org
01:51 PM on 12/19/2008
THERE IS ANOTHER PASTOR AT THE CEREMONY - Rev. Joseph Lowery - a Civil Rights icon - you know, civil rights, under which gay rights falls under. Why do you need someone else? Do you think that Lowery is the token Black pastor? This is Obama's day and 4-6 million people aren't going down there to watch him push for gay rights. A minority will finally have a real and powerful voice in this country - that's what I will be there celebrating.
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06:55 PM on 12/21/2008
My knee-jerk response to your question " Why do you need someone else?" --was-- Maybe, it's because he's a *Black* Civil Rights Icon who has worked for LGBT civil rights. . we've been so busy "hatin'" on Warren (who- *is* a bigot.) that people have no idea that *Rev. Lowery will be the Pastor who has the last word*.

One of the saddest things I've witnessed in the last couple of months is the growing rift between Black and LGBT communities. I mean, White Gay men verbally attacking Black Gay men -- with the N-word, no less--because apparently, even in the Gay community, color comes first? Or do we really all look alike?

I'm suprised that no-ne is scream to impeach Mr. Obama.

Being Black, Female, Lesbian and freakin' poor-- I think I'll wait 'till sanity returns. I've had enough.
01:04 PM on 12/19/2008
Obama would never, ever have a racist pastor on his inaugural dais, nor would his supporters stand for it for a nanosecond. Nor should they. He, and his supporters think someone who worked to take civil rights away from gays is OK. That's called "outreach". It's called a slap in the face to the gay community is what it's called.