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My Own Personal Roswell

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ROSWELL (AP) -- Google is marking the 66th anniversary of a New Mexico newspaper's report of a captured "flying saucer" with an interactive Doodle.

Well, that's all interactive and cool, but for those who have encountered UFOs, no Doodle can erase the lifelong effects of these close encounters.

For fear of certain inalienable rights being stripped from me by anti-UFO government forces, I've always keep silent about my encounters.

Until now.

On the 66th anniversary of Roswell, I feel compelled to share three official cases in the hopes they will inspire others to come forward because you're not alone.

None of us are.

General Sightings Case No. 1:

I must have been around 4. I vaguely remember climbing aboard a vehicle that sped away at high speeds to a place I'd never been. Once there, I was brought to a small room with four chairs and what UFO field investigators later identified as a Formica kitchen table.

This is difficult to talk about even now, but I was forced to drink a strange beverage as two, white creatures hovered over me. They smelled of talc and cough drops. I was petrified -- plus, the beverage was not tasty at all.

Days later when I mentioned the event to my parents, they told me my first visit to my grandparents' home had not gone particularly well. Seized by a health kick, they had offered me carrot juice. Moments later, I had placed a call to my parents seeking immediate retrieval.

To this day, I avoid carrot juice.

General Sightings Case No. 2:

I must have been around 13. My buddy Lewis and I were fishing in the Everglades. It was dusk. The South Florida sky was illuminated with stars. We anchored our jon boat in the sawgrass. Around us, nothing but sky and water and the sounds of nature. We were the only people in the universe.

So we thought.

I laid back in the boat and closed my eyes. Sleep eluded me on account it was 6:45 p.m. So, I gazed upon the darkening sky when, to my horror, I saw a bright orange, crinkly UFO streak across the sky. Was it St. Elmo's Fire? (You know, the Sesame Street puppet.) A weather balloon? Some lost kite?

I closed my eyes in the hopes I was dreaming. But when I opened my eyes again, another orange UFO streaked literally inches from my head. I turned to ask Lewis if he had seen it, but he was busy flinging Cheetos at me. I never asked him why because it didn't seem relevant considering we were under invasion.

General Sightings Case No. 3:

I must have been around 50 when my last encounter occurred. Again, it's painful to share and certainly was painful to experience. First, I was taken to Baltimore and drugged -- possibly with carrot juice -- and placed in a strange bed surrounded by little green men and women who put tubes and needles in me. They made me say my name over and over again. I resisted.

"I'm Charles Dickens."

"I'm Atticus Finch."

"Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?"

But they broke me, and I gave up my name. I was wheeled to another room with more little green men and women. There were blinding overhead lights, which must have been their spaceship. Then, from the corner of my eye, I saw it. A long, unidentified, hose-like creature with a camera for a face. It was horrifying. It came closer to be, embarrassingly close...

...then I don't remember anything else because I lost consciousness. When I awoke, I was back in a strange bed and still wearing non-human clothing since the back opened too freely. The little green men and women re-appeared at my bedside.

This next part is equally foggy, but they claimed what I saw was a common medical instrument that is quite safe and potentially could save my life. But that's what aliens always say.

To this day, I avoid colonoscopies.