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Secret Service Issues New Policy: Bloggers to Go Shoeless

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The Secret Service has ruled that bloggers must go shoeless when attending political events.

After the flack raised by Secret Service critics who questioned why President Bush found himself at the mercy of an Iraqi journalist's size tens, the security org took a preemptive position, requiring that all bloggers, journalists and hosts from Air America, PBS, NPR and MSNBC would be required to remove their shoes before entering secure zones when the president, vice president James Dobson, and the CEOs of Blackwater and Haliburton are present

"We have long had serious concerns over stiletto heels and steel tipped union work boots," a spokesman for the secret service explained. "Now, we have an excuse... er, make that serious reason to secure the left's footwear. The policy also requires that no stiletto heels be worn in any press briefings where any member of congress is present. "The godless, women on the left will have to hike their droopy butts without the help of high heels," a press release from an un-named Secret service spokesman stated.

Adidas spokesman did not comment, but a Birkenstock spokesman said the company was offering free "shoe security" bags, with a place for reporters and bloggers to put their name. And a Nike spokesman stated that their slogan, "Just do it," does not necessarily apply to shoe throwing.

Keith Olbermann is reported to have denied his past pursuit of shoe heaving leisure activities. "It was pigskin I was throwing with football buddies, not shoe leather," he offered as a lame excuse.

Josh Marshall of talkingpointsmemo, has already put in an FOI to determine whether Native American made moccasins will be included in the new rules.

Joe Scarborough, of Morning Joe, was given an exclusion from the rules, but Mika Brezhinski was informed that she, along with her father, would be required to go barefoot.

Thom Hartmann, of Air America Radio described how, when Thomas Jefferson first met with the Chinese, he also, voluntarily removed his shoes, so, Hartmann, would be honored, in the spirit of Jefferson, to do the same with the inscrutable Bush.

Ed Schultz and Stefanie Miller of Jones Radio devoted an hour each to call-ins describing ways to throw shoes and fantasy shoe throw targets. Their seven second delay was invoked a8 times between the two of them. Producers explained most of them had to do with where callers wanted to plant the shoes.

David Swanson, of afterdowningstreet, asked if a decree like this, coming under the authorization of Bush, would be an impeachable offense.

Rachel Maddow, wearing five inch spike heels, behind her desk, and switching to Birkenstock flats, observed, "They've talked me down."

Phil Donahue explained that his shoes, as well as his show, were taken away from him in 2003, when his show, the highest rated on MSNBC, was shut down, because, MSNBC cited, of low viewership. An MSNBC memo later surfaced, stating that Donahue offered a "difficult public face for NBC in a time of war......He seems to delight in presenting guests who are anti-war, anti-Bush and skeptical of the administration's motives."

Jay Leno, soon to be hosting a 10 PM show that will probably have more political content than his late night show, was left with just one shoe-- the right foot-- and given a warning.

David Letterman had to hand over his shoes to John McCain, who sent Sarah Palin to pick them up. The RNC had to explain that they were not hers to keep.

Chris Matthews was notified that the policy would apply to him. He'd have to keep his shoes off, except in Pennsylvania.

Chris Bowers of Openleft analyzed five shoe polls and reported that blue state voters oppose the shoeless policy two to one and observed that Red state republican evangelical women didn't seem to understand the problem. "Isn't it God's way to go barefoot and pregnant?" they asked.

Treasury Secretary started to ask if there any financiers or bankers among those affected, then changed his mind. "Who needs shoes, anyway. We walk on the backs of the morons who bought the buyout," he joked, when he was near a microphone he thought was turned off.

Techpresident's Micah Sifry, organizer of the new media conference Personal Democracy Forum, observed in about 140 characters, including using a tinyurl.com link, that shoes were so old-school analog, and that twitterers had been throwing digital shoes at Bush for what seemed like an eternity. Anna Marie Cox, Tim O'Reilly tweeted that they agreed, and Guy Kawasaki reported that alltop now has a shoe throwing page.

Katrina Vanden Heuvel, of THE NATION, brought out an issue of the Nation from 1929 showing how a majority of Americans were shoeless back then and she this edict as a way for liberals to show solidarity with the victims of house foreclosures.

Several liberal bloggers questioned why the shoe ruling would apply to Caroline Kennedy, who didn't have enough experience to be considered for the no-shoes rule.

Greg Palast, in a BBC special report, revealed that Ohio had required that inner city voters had been required to remove their shoes before voting in the 2004 election. And Robert Kennedy Jr. co-authored a cartoon with Palast, published in Rolling Stone, telling how voters with black or brown wing tipped shoes were exempted from the shoe-vote disenfranchisement.

Michael Moore is reported to be writing a script for a new movie, a remake of Footloose, titled Sole-less in America.

Code Pink called for people to send in their old shoes to be used in a demonstration at the gates of the White House. So far they have received 200 truckloads worth and they have asked people to stop sending shoes and to show up at the White House to help unload the trucks. Code Pink co-founder Medea Benjamin is now wearing Pink sneakers, but was told to remove them before entering a congressional hearing.

Buzzflash's Mark Karlin announced that the Buzzflash wings of justice award was being given to Muntadar al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist-shoe-thrower whose actions set off the new secret service policy.

Alan Colmes, soon to be former co-host with Sean Hannity, denied that he had agreed to put his name on a shoe, which also included Hannity's-- on the bottom of the heel. But he commented, "The shoe does have a nice heft to it."

Politico, NY Times, Washington Post, CBS, ABC and Fox reporters complained, asking, "Why should we have to put up with the stinky liberal feet." A source reported that Harry Reid had commiserated with the mainstream media celebrities.

Dennis Kucinich issued a press release calling for a Department of Shoe Eloquence, and hailed Muntadar al-Zaidi as a hero of democracy.

It is reported that a foundation headed by Imelda Marcos has contacted the homeland security department to explore becoming the recipient of lost and forgotten shoes. Her foundation already has such an arrangement with the TSA, for airport screening areas.

Barack Obama's spokesman said the President-elect would like to reverse the ruling against progressives, even before he took office, but his transition team legal advisers explained that the way Bush had instituted the rule, it could take up to two years to reverse it and progressives should just wait and be patient.

crossposted from OpEdNews.com