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Today's Sign of the Apocalypse: Here Comes the Bride, There Goes the World

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My new book, Apocalypse How, is about how the world is about to end... and why we should be psyched! It's the first-ever work of apocalyptic literature that "accentuates the positive" -- and teaches you how to not just survive, but thrive. As with any exciting new endeavor, however, the key to thriving in a post-apocalyptic world is PREPARATION. In that spirit, I'll be alerting you whenever I spot a sign of our impending doom -- or should I say, your impending opportunity!

SIGN: First Daughter Jenna Bush to wed Henry Hager in ceremony at Crawford ranch.

WHY THAT'S A SIGN: A champagne toast will cause President Bush to start drinking again, prompting him to see twice as much terrorism and declare a second war on it.

WHAT TO EXPECT: Twice as many American flags burned worldwide -- hastening the Greenhouse Effect.

WHY THAT'S GREAT NEWS: Melted polar ice caps will end the "double cruelty" of Arctic dogsledding, penguin movies.

HOW TO PREPARE: With temperatures escalating, get rid of any clothing likely to incur stains from "perma-pitting."

Daily Show writer Rob Kutner's Apocalypse How is available in stores May 12th, or online here