Last night, I sat incredulous as I watched the joint chiefs of the military sit absolutely stone-faced and grim as President Obama reiterated his commitment to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell, their hands kept firmly and defiantly in their laps as most around them applauded.
I'm a gay Iraq war veteran, and I believe President Obama has been the greatest ally to LGBT people and gay veterans that we've ever had in a President. The risks he takes by simply including us in his plans to move forward with America continue to be vastly underestimated by most people, though I believe he will do much more, as evidenced by his words last night. To those supposed leaders of the United States military who watched our president with absolute revulsion as he announced his steps to end this, to those men whose faces brought back the memories of every time I was called a "faggot" while I served and forced to keep any affirmative response bottled up, thus "out" myself and lose all that I had risked everything for, I have this to say: gay veterans aren't worthless. I'm not worthless. The blood I shed was the same as every other soldier's, the tears I cried were the same, the bullets that I dodged the same; the life that I risked is the same. I'm not worthless or perverted or sick, and neither is any other gay person in this world, veteran or not. I was a gay soldier.
The time for other gay soldiers serving now to be able to say this openly is not whenever you feel comfortable, because judging from your faces that time may never come. As with any real, honest, and substantial change that has ever come, the time for this is right now.
In 1999, at 17, I entered the United States Army from a small town in Ohio, needing to find both a way in life and a way to finance the college education I so desperately needed to rise above my lower-middle class roots. My burgeoning sexuality was but a small thought in my mind, not really knowing what "gay" was, let alone whether it really described me, but that question would be answered in my mind during my formative years, which just so happened to be spent in the U.S. Army.
Now, I'm a gay veteran who risked my life for this country many times over during my time spent deployed in Iraq in 2003, and seeing their faces made my angry. It made me angry that no matter what I say or do, my service and that of many more like me is continually ignored by the dinosaurs that would be more than happy to keep DADT around forever if they had their way. They constantly make unfounded and unreliable responses about what ending it will "do" to the military, as if our military is weak enough to crumble at the very admission of homosexuality by any within its ranks. Forgive me for co-opting their slogan, but I think being "Army Strong" should be enough to handle a few gay soldiers serving openly.
I'll tell you what serving in the military under DADT did to me: It made my sexual orientation a secret shame which was never to be discussed under threat of dishonorable discharge and revocation of my benefits. It kept me distant from my fellow soldiers, for if I were to slip up and say a little too much about the real me for even a second, I couldn't trust that they wouldn't turn me in and end my career in a matter of weeks. It stunted my emotional and sexual development as a gay man so much that I was in my mid twenties before falling in love for the first time, something that happens for most people in their late teens. It sent me into the wrong places looking for the romantic affection that my heterosexual fellow soldiers were able to openly practice, discuss, and experience without the threat of disciplinary action. Most hurtful of all, being constantly reminded through DADT that my sexual orientation was bad, wrong, and perverted instilled a feeling of worthlessness in me that took years to undo following my honorable discharge from the military.
Having been an out gay man for the past 6 years following my service has allowed me to realize I couldn't have been more wrong about myself. I'm not worthless. My sexuality isn't "deviant," nor is it some secret shame that needs to be hidden so that the military establishment can continue to delude themselves into thinking they're doing the right thing by keeping military "values" firmly in line with something out of the 50's. To those "leaders," gay veterans aren't your dirty little secret anymore. We're not going to shut up, or go away, or stop shouting until those like us who currently serve are able to scream as loud as we are without the threat of disciplinary action. Thank you to President Obama for seeing this and acknowledging it, and shame on the alleged leaders of our military for continuing to remain so blind and so willfully ignorant.
Rob Smith is a freelance writer and veteran of the U.S. Army. He holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Advertising and Sociology from Syracuse University. His work has appeared on AfterElton.com and in USA Today, and he is currently working on a memoir detailing his time spent in the Army. Smith currently resides in New York City.
Follow Rob Smith on Twitter: www.twitter.com/robsmithonline
I saw that too, it looked like they were all sucking on lemons.
While in the service I was investigated. Whether they suspected me of being gay (because I had heard rumors spread because I didn't date the meat heads living in my dorm) or were hoping I'd spill the beans on others OSI put a new "roommate" in my room. And she would walk around in skimpy clothes (maybe that was my gay test). Though a look at my Indiana Jones and Sting posters should have been a dead give-away, and she would talk about guys who liked to wear ladies clothes, or ask me about my dating habits or whatever.....anyway...I smelled the fish before she ever entered the room. After 2 months she disappeared, and nothing else happened, at least not to me, and never chatted with her about others....still, this kind of heavy handed investigation and persecution shouldn't be applied towards people who are honorably serving their country.
It is a disgusting shade of McCarthyism. Grow up Armed Forces.
As a woman in the military, the dating pool is huge.
My son is an Army officer (medical corps) and was an enlisted MP (Air Force) for four years. He is straight - married and a daughter - but he has had gay military friends since he first joined up. I remember visiting him when he was an MP and he was hanging out with this good-looking female sergeant. I asked if he was dating her. He said "No, Pop. She likes girls." No big deal. They were friends and did friend stuff together.
My son and his wife tell me that the Army medical corps would be decimated if they lost all their gay soldiers.
I am 66 years old and a Vietnam veteran (drafted). I had a friend from my hometown who was gay that went through basic with me. I did not know he was gay at the time - I found out later when we met by accident and he took me to a gay bar without telling me first (there's a story there). He died of AIDS. I sometimes think of all he went through during his two years in the Army - he was not very macho in manner.
The officers you spoke of at the President's SOTU speech got where they are through political maneuvering. The President needs to push this through and let them know that if they do not like it, will not support it, they can go ahead and take that contractor pay-off job to now instead of later.
OldJack66
And thank you Rob, for yours.
My husband is an infantry officer, and there have been soldiers we knew during his career that I believed were gay. I ache for those that were, that they could not be who they were, they could not have the true support they needed doing their job - since they could never fully relax or confide in another, never be without fear for their careers. I am sad that homosexuality remains a stigma in so many places. What stupidity.
My husband always said that he didn't care who someone was sleeping with, he just cared that his fellow soldiers were competent in their jobs, and trustworthy to be looking out for their buddies. Considering the armies in other nations who don't have the homophobic paranoia, whose gay and lesbian soldiers serve openly and honorably - all the concerns voices are phoney anyway. I suspect that the streak of Christian fundamentalism that runs through our military leadership is part of the problem. I will cheer the day that DADT dies its all to overdue death.
Like the bumper sticker on our car says "Straight but not narrow" I hope that currently serving gay and lesbian soldiers know that they have allies.
Again, this is not meant to be anything for or against DADT, just a little something for those who read way too much into the JCS response to Obama's statements.
/s/ retired straight Army officer
Supporter of human rights in and out of the military
In school, I was taught that the President is also the Commander and Chief of the Military, so the look on the faces of the Joint Chiefs shouldn't matter since isn't it their duty to follow orders? The military brass grew up listening to the generalizations and stereotypes about homosexuals and it is deeply rooted in their personalities. Change doesn't come easy to anyone but change will not come without leadership and President Obama has been trusted by the people to give that leadership and he has not beyond words on DADT. Heard the words, over and over again and talking the talk doesn't equate to being an individual of your word if you do not walk the walk.....
I'm constantly amazed at Americans who think this is the greatest country on the planet. That's a banker's notion of what America is about. It has nothing whatsoever to do with how we treat our people.
The US has yet to live up to the words written in our Constitution.
The US was not the first nation to abolish slavery.
The US was not the first nation to allow a woman to vote.
The US was not the first nation to allow blacks voting rights.
The US still won't allow gays to marry (universally), yet other Western nations do.
The US still won't allow gays to openly serve, yet other Western nations do.
The US just finished proving that universal health care for its citizens is cr@p, while most of the rest of the world enjoys universal health care. Indeed, in our charter to rebuild Iraq, we HAD to provide universal health care to its citizens. Paid for by you and me.
The list of social grievances this nation ENJOYS is vast. Those who think that's just fine are sociopaths and have proven it over and over.
If you think this is the 'best nation on Earth', you are not paying attention.
Let me follow by saying, who cares if the joint chiefs didn't applaud? It is not up to them whether or not to repeal the law. Even if one, or all of them are against ending the policy, when Obama says we allow homosexuals to serve, then they will follow orders. Let's all try and focus on more important things.
Really, I am actually in favor of ending ALL applause at these speeches. It is such a waste of time. Do these people really feel that strong a need to brown nose the president? Any president? But that's a topic for another time...
In the sixties, when almost all restaurants in the South were segregated, a brave group of Blacks walked into a local Woolworth's, sat down, and ordered lunch. It was all over the national news, and it was a seminal moment in civil disobedience.
One of my coworkers thought it was very funny. "Who would want to eat at Woolworth's, anyway?" he asked.
I personally never had any desire to serve in the military. But it is abhorrent to me that my gay brothers and sisters are not allowed to.
No, Human Rights are not just about what YOU want to do. They are about other people's rights to make their own choices about their own lives.
Desegregation is not the same as Integration.
Complaining to the choir won't change anything, so the only action I can take to help change the law is to write directly to the people who are blocking this from happening, including:
John McCain - http://facebook.com/johnmccain
John Bohneur - http://www.facebook.com/johnboehner
The White House - http://www.facebook.com/WhiteHouse
And to write respectfully to Admiral Michael Mullen Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff
http://www.facebook.com/admiralmikemullen