07/12/2010 02:21 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Is the Mainstream the Middle?

Whenever I hear talk of the "Lamestream Media" from Sarah Palin, her anti-MSM views bring up an interesting point: If your views don't coincide with Mainstream Media, doesn't that mean you are out of touch with the Mainstream? Out on the fringe, perhaps? The word "mainstream" denotes the vast center of the human river, the "main" part of the "stream" if you will. Not, in fact, the shallow swamp over on the side, or the small burbling tributary off to the left, but the roaring flow of the rushing water as it barrels down the middle of the riverbed. The word "middle" denotes a center, where balance (and hopefully harmony) reigns supreme. If you are not in the middle, you are on the edge.

When Sarah Palin and Co. call out the Lamestream Media for being out of touch, aren't they by virtue of their disagreement with the MSM presenting themselves as peripheral outsiders who are themselves out of touch with the mainstream? It is a bit of a paradox, but to call out the mainstream as being out of touch with your views would seem to be a self-defeating tactic when trying to convince people you have your finger on the pulse of society. But then again, her supporters don't see it that way. In their eyes, she's a Rebel, a Saint to protect the liberty that is somehow under assault by our own President. At times like these, part of me almost wishes that I could peek into an alternate universe where the McCain/Palin team won in 2008 and has been handling the Recession and the BP oil spill... First off, we know based on McCain's June 10th speech that we would be engaged in military operations to "unleash America's full moral power" on Iran, no doubt sucking up more money and resources for overseas endeavors that do little to make us safer at home. I do wonder if we'd be in Iraq, Afghanistan AND Iran at the same time, a huge WW3-style conflagration that further drains our future in a quest for empire, hegemony and perhaps the biggest penis on the planet. (It is a never-ending contest, you know.)

While McCain has his hands full invading Iran, I can imagine Sarah Palin on the beach in Louisiana, surveying the widespread environmental destruction, and appearing on TV to tell the American people not to worry because God will protect the USA from harm and that the government has no business meddling in the affairs of the Oil Industry. And then she breaks the champagne bottle on the hull of a new oil tanker ("the SS Trig"), jumps on a red, white and blue-painted Quad Runner and does a few donuts in the sand, spraying tarballs and gooey sand on a nearby team of scientists trying to save a nest of endangered sea turtle eggs. Then Todd and the kids show up and the whole family gathers to watch the SS Trig set sail through the murky, chemical dispersant-filled waters of the Gulf of Mexico, out to it's destination: the 600 new deepwater rigs hastily assembled at the beginning of their term back in 2009 to "Drill, Baby, Drill." And as another rig explodes against the sunset on the horizon, the Palin family collectively sighs with righteousness. And possibly barbecues a couple of pelicans.