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Robbie Vorhaus

Robbie Vorhaus

Posted: January 6, 2010 07:27 PM

Tiger Woods, Oprah and a Remarkable Return... Maybe

What's Your Reaction:

On pure instinct, and with no inside information, I'm betting Tiger Woods is healing, both emotionally and physically, and will be back soon.

It's fun watching all the pundits continue talking about Tiger Woods. His foibles are a boon for the TV talking heads, and since there's nobody to put them in check, it's easy to ramble on about what Tiger should be doing, how he's only going to get one chance to make his come back, and how he has to make the BIG apology.

That's baloney.

Tiger Woods doesn't have to do squat. He's got enough money to do whatever he wants for the rest of life, and believe me, regardless of where he goes, or what the media analysts say, he will never be at a loss for female companionship. Some women may find his actions despicable, but if Tiger Woods wants some female friends with benefits, he will never walk alone.

Still, to his core, Tiger Woods isn't a playboy or loner. Tiger is just flawed and tarnished, and his comeback will be both remarkable and jubilant.

Tiger was smart to get quiet and go away. He probably had a face full of bruises and maybe some missing teeth from the end of a three-wood, and someone in his camp was thinking quick for not letting him appear in front of the press, as those photographs would never go away. In fact, had Tiger Woods appeared in public with any noticeable injury, this fiasco would have escalated further, with discussions of spousal abuse, and debates on whether Elin should be charged with a crime. Not good.

From afar, these are my Tiger Wood predications:

Tiger Woods's marriage will survive. Bruised, damaged, and fragile, Tiger is a family man and for myriad reasons, he and Elin will stay together.

Tiger Woods will admit that he's a sex addict. Like many high-profile addicts, Tiger will use this opportunity to remove the stigma of his deep weakness and profound emotional emptiness. He will explain why he fell from grace, what he's learned from personal introspection, and speak from his heart about the healing, redemptive powers of love. He will not discuss religion or spirituality.

To mark his grand return, Tiger Woods will appear on 60 Minutes, Oprah and ESPN, and then disappear again. His message will be filled with humility and love for his wife, family and fans. 60 Minutes will air exclusive video shot with Tiger and his family, on Oprah he will appear with Elin and possibly the children, and on ESPN he will appear alone.

For the next year, Tiger Woods will be tightly surrounded by an entourage of body guards, a few mid-level folks from his management firm, IMG, a publicist/spokesperson, and a lawyer. He will give no additional public statements regarding this crisis, and will ignore any free swinging, gorilla tactic, paparazzi requests.

Once Tiger Woods appears on TV, he will return to golf. He will be magnificent, smile often, win a lot, and within one year, he will have more sponsorship endorsements than before.

In short, Tiger Woods will be back, liberated, healed, happily married, and more popular than ever.

Then again, I may be wrong.

Tiger may never come back. Or to freak us all out, the next time we see Tiger Woods he'll be sporting a new "Bad to the Bone," tattoo, riding a Harley motorcycle, flaunting his Vanity Fair article, and appearing with his new ravenously beautiful African-American girlfriend.

Still, lucky for the media, what ever Tiger Woods does is fine, because at the end of the day, everyone's got an opinion. Just ask.

 

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