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"Egypt Debates Guest Worker Program; Moses Vows to Lead Jews Out"

04/13/2006 02:53 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The Egyptian parliament met in Cairo yesterday in a late night session to deal with the nation's growing immigrant problem with its Jewish population. The ruling party of the Pharaoh -- as well as the minority party, and in fact all parties -- want to keep the migrant Jews in the country as indentured slaves, while the Jewish immigrants all want to leave.

Though all government parties are agreed about keeping the serfs within the borders, terms of subjugation have rival parties at crossroads.

"This is a critical situation for Egypt," said palace spokesman Anwar Motabek. "The Jews are an important part of the national economy, performing jobs that no Egyptians would dare dream of doing. The pyramids and Sphinx would barely be started, if begun at all without the slave labor force."

At issue is whether the Jewish guest workers should be forced to stay in the country in perpetual servitude, or whether they could buy their freedom after 40 years of adult bondage. Reactionaries in the government believe that to allow Jews to buy their freedom would be a financial hardship on their owners who have invested fortunes in protecting their property over many years.

"It would be wrong to let slaves ever buy their freedom," said Hosni Gamill, leader of the Reactionaries, "because then as soon as they were free, they could leave Egypt. The price of manna would soar. But more importantly, people must realize that slave owners have gone to great expense capturing Jews and sneaking them illegally across the border into Egypt. It would be a disservice to the business force to ever allow Jews the right to pass over."

In addition is the question of national security, Reactionaries point out, since Jewish slaves are regularly called into battle for Egypt as the first wave sent in during any assault. The massive sacrifice of Jewish deaths saves the lives of countless Egyptians yearly.

Contrasting this view, however, are the more progressive Conservatives who insist that permanent slavery is a drag on the Egyptian economy.

"An eternal slave force only grows progressively older and more useless, requiring masters to feed and care for decrepit, toothless churls while getting nothing in return at that point," stated Conservative spokesman Ahmed Fawzi. "Better to eventually grant their freedom, dump them in the streets when they're too frail defend themselves, and decrease the surplus population."

Meanwhile, hordes of Jews held mass meetings throughout the country yesterday, protesting government polices and demanding to be allowed to leave. Their representative, Moses, had a meeting earlier in the day with Pharaoh, kept short by apothecaries who describe the Almighty Ruler as under the weather with a minor case of boils. The meeting was reported to be contentious though diplomatic.

Later, the fiery Moses met with scribes and gave a brief statement, taking no questions after. "Though admittedly some Jews are in this country legally, that is no reason to keep them here against their will," he intoned. "All we ask from Pharaoh is for the freedom to let my people go. Illegal and legal alike.

When asked for a comment, palace spokesman Motabek scoffed, "This Moses reportedly once claimed to have been given his life's direction after talking with a burning bush. I ask you now, how seriously can anyone take a man who stands around listening to a bush?"

Dissatisfaction by the Jews to leave, however, appears to be growing daily. Defense Minister Ali Mofaz has marshaled armed guards throughout the city, cutting off all retreat.

"Every possible avenue is cut off for them," the General affirmed. There is only one road out, and it is completely blocked by the Red Sea. What are they all going to do, swim across?" he laughed. "For anyone to leave, it would take a miracle."