Glenn Beck: The Loon King

11/17/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Glenn Beck has said a lot of incredibly stupid things on the air. Just knowing that he has a television program has lowered the collective IQ of America by six points.

It is a physical hazard watching the Glenn Beck program for any amount of time, because you risk rolling your eyes so hard that it could cause ocular injury. Whiplash cases have increased 11 percent, as people frantically spin their head and cry, "He just said wha - Owwwww!!"

Because of all this, it's near-impossible to find a topper for the Most Stupid of Glenn Beck. He seems to break the record on a regular basis. But he may have done the impossible this week. He may have set a standard so high (low?) that a beacon has finally been established for all time. His very own personal Mendoza Line.

(Named after the low-hitting, baseball player Mario Mendoza, the Line is considered a paltry .200. Though many players have batted under this level, the Mendoza Line nonetheless stands as the touchstone.)

We now have the Beck Line. A level reserved for only those things he or anyone says in the future that are so stupid they pass it. What makes this statement establishing the Beck Line so worthy is that it's not only bizarrely stupid, but it defines the very essence of Glenn Beck.

As one of the promoters of the 9/12 Anti-Everything Rally in Washington on Saturday, it has been in Glenn Beck's best interest to make people think it was a huge grassroots success, rather than a laughable organized failure. It's in his best interest to make people think that 1.5 million people attended, even though it was only reported to be between a mere 30,000 and 70,000. It's in his best interest to make people think that the event photo being presented was real, rather than a decade old, as it was.

So, in making his case on Fox News that not just 1.5 million people were there but an amazing 1.7 million (this 200,000 difference alone is seven times greater than the people who likely attended), Glenn Beck claimed that a university study did a scholarly analysis of the body count and proved the number. It was definitive, it was scholarly, it was scientific, and Glenn Beck offered it as proof.


"We had a university, the university, I think it's the University of -- I don't remember which university it is -- um, look at the pictures."

There it is. The University of I Don't Remember.

Boy, howdy, if anything encapsulates what Glenn Beck is about, that is it. If anything captures the true essence of anyone who believes one teardrop of his weekly fake-cry and over-emoting Marjoe flim-flam act, this is it.

The University of I Don't Remember.

No wonder the far right doesn't believe in science. Doesn't believe in facts. Doesn't believe in a reality-based world. Along with Glenn Beck, they are all graduates of the University of I Don't Remember. The good news is that being Magna Cum Laude is really easy.

I mean, honestly, who defends his completely debunked position by presenting a scholarly report from "The University of I Don't Remember"???

And tops it by diminishing with scorn for the "official report." Yes, that's the last thing we want for accuracy. The "official report." Far better to have a study from The University of I Don't Remember.

And all the way through his babbling, the three Fox hosts - Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson and Brian Kilmeade - sat there like department store dummies, not even questioning him about which university the University of I Don't Remember Which University It Was was. Maybe because they're fellow graduates and want to support the grand old Alma Mater.

So many of Glenn Beck's stupidities of the past now become more clear. And the word "stupidity" is no hyperbole. Because only two weeks ago, there was Glenn Beck, trying to make some fevered point about the kind of government President Barack Obama was leading the country towards. And there was Glenn Beck at his snappy chalkboard, carefully writing down pre-selected words, and marking the first letters. And there was Glenn Beck spelling out..."OLIGARGH." (Note: it's actually spelled "oligarch.")

Forget the misspelling, that was stupid and hilarious enough. Far better was the very next night when he acknowledged a spelling error. And for just a wee moment you were in shock, shock that he might actually get it right, shock that he was going to correct his spelling error. But instead - he merely added a "y'!! And made "OLIGARGHY"

It was mind-numbing. Eye-rolling. Whiplash-inducing. He had a whole day to get it right. He had a whole day for someone on his staff to get it right. He had a whole day for anyone at the entire network to get it right. But they didn't.

But now it's also clear why.

Because that's how they spell at the University of I Don't Remember.

Glenn Beck, dean.