Glenn Beck: The Loon King

Glenn Beck has said a lot of incredibly stupid things on the air. Just knowing that he has a television program has lowered the collective IQ of America by six points.

It is a physical hazard watching the Glenn Beck program for any amount of time, because you risk rolling your eyes so hard that it could cause ocular injury. Whiplash cases have increased 11 percent, as people frantically spin their head and cry, "He just said wha - Owwwww!!"

Because of all this, it's near-impossible to find a topper for the Most Stupid of Glenn Beck. He seems to break the record on a regular basis. But he may have done the impossible this week. He may have set a standard so high (low?) that a beacon has finally been established for all time. His very own personal Mendoza Line.

(Named after the low-hitting, baseball player Mario Mendoza, the Line is considered a paltry .200. Though many players have batted under this level, the Mendoza Line nonetheless stands as the touchstone.)

We now have the Beck Line. A level reserved for only those things he or anyone says in the future that are so stupid they pass it. What makes this statement establishing the Beck Line so worthy is that it's not only bizarrely stupid, but it defines the very essence of Glenn Beck.

As one of the promoters of the 9/12 Anti-Everything Rally in Washington on Saturday, it has been in Glenn Beck's best interest to make people think it was a huge grassroots success, rather than a laughable organized failure. It's in his best interest to make people think that 1.5 million people attended, even though it was only reported to be between a mere 30,000 and 70,000. It's in his best interest to make people think that the event photo being presented was real, rather than a decade old, as it was.

So, in making his case on Fox News that not just 1.5 million people were there but an amazing 1.7 million (this 200,000 difference alone is seven times greater than the people who likely attended), Glenn Beck claimed that a university study did a scholarly analysis of the body count and proved the number. It was definitive, it was scholarly, it was scientific, and Glenn Beck offered it as proof.

Proof!

"We had a university, the university, I think it's the University of -- I don't remember which university it is -- um, look at the pictures."

There it is. The University of I Don't Remember.

Boy, howdy, if anything encapsulates what Glenn Beck is about, that is it. If anything captures the true essence of anyone who believes one teardrop of his weekly fake-cry and over-emoting Marjoe flim-flam act, this is it.

The University of I Don't Remember.

No wonder the far right doesn't believe in science. Doesn't believe in facts. Doesn't believe in a reality-based world. Along with Glenn Beck, they are all graduates of the University of I Don't Remember. The good news is that being Magna Cum Laude is really easy.

I mean, honestly, who defends his completely debunked position by presenting a scholarly report from "The University of I Don't Remember"???

And tops it by diminishing with scorn for the "official report." Yes, that's the last thing we want for accuracy. The "official report." Far better to have a study from The University of I Don't Remember.

And all the way through his babbling, the three Fox hosts - Steve Doocy, Gretchen Carlson and Brian Kilmeade - sat there like department store dummies, not even questioning him about which university the University of I Don't Remember Which University It Was was. Maybe because they're fellow graduates and want to support the grand old Alma Mater.

So many of Glenn Beck's stupidities of the past now become more clear. And the word "stupidity" is no hyperbole. Because only two weeks ago, there was Glenn Beck, trying to make some fevered point about the kind of government President Barack Obama was leading the country towards. And there was Glenn Beck at his snappy chalkboard, carefully writing down pre-selected words, and marking the first letters. And there was Glenn Beck spelling out..."OLIGARGH." (Note: it's actually spelled "oligarch.")

Forget the misspelling, that was stupid and hilarious enough. Far better was the very next night when he acknowledged a spelling error. And for just a wee moment you were in shock, shock that he might actually get it right, shock that he was going to correct his spelling error. But instead - he merely added a "y'!! And made "OLIGARGHY"

It was mind-numbing. Eye-rolling. Whiplash-inducing. He had a whole day to get it right. He had a whole day for someone on his staff to get it right. He had a whole day for anyone at the entire network to get it right. But they didn't.

But now it's also clear why.

Because that's how they spell at the University of I Don't Remember.

Glenn Beck, dean.

Comments

[jayjay4142]

How do people like him get so many followers? I cannot believe the American people who swallow the bul that this guy spews. It is obvious he is the racist. I am surprised he doesn't have the KKK on his show.

[scotia626]

this is a FABULOUS piece. Indeed 30% of america seems to be a proud graduate of "the university of I dont remember"!

[fauxmccoy]

thank you thank you thankyouth­ankyouthan­kyouthanky­ou tytytytytyt

anyone who can slip in the phrase 'boy, howdy' into an essay is my kinda guy.

[rubin10101]

Dude, he ended up putting the "c" in there, for "Czar", when he corrected it. I just watched it on Youtube. Yeah, that would have been really funny, almost like, if that's not what happened, then, that's what SHOULD have happened, but, it didn't. Just sayin'. Hilarious, though- oligAAARRGHy!

[PDinCA]

He added the Y the same day, to spell OLIGARHY (not OLIGARGHY). Maybe he added the C the next night. So that's two errors in this article's spelling flame. Ouch.

[Emerald1943]

Just another sign of the "dumbing down of America". People without critical thinking skills are so much easier to manipulate! IMHO, Glenn Beck is a scam artist who has found his meal ticket at FAUX!

[sorrowen]

yeah and where is your proof besides you saying it like all you know it all liberal's do just cause you say it doesn't make it true. And it's not but to you it is

[PDinCA]

Beck defenders like you, with your third-grade writing skills, are the proof.

[masso435]

Your Marjoe reference was excellent. I remember seeing him on TV when I was a kid. I remember thinking as a kid, how tortured he seemed as he preached, crying and all. So I thought I'd add a little context with this link, as a way of edumicating* those who don't know who he is.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marjoe_Gortner

Here is an excellent example (link) of what we're up against, in the way of an ignorant electorate. This kid doing the interviewing is great and needs to be given a network gig. He could be useful to KO as a counter to O'Reilly's hitman producer, whatever his name is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUPMjC9mq5Y

[DevonTexas]

Beck's commentary would be comical if it wasn't so pathetic and sad.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, years from now, we'll fast-forward through his shows and see the emoptional decline of Beck. He's really a sad person and worthy of our pity if he wasn't doing so much damage to others in his self-righteous efforts to "right the world".

[polwonk]

If you really want to know where Glen

If you really want to know where Glenn Beck is coming from, Google Cleon Skousen. This is Becks philosophical guru. VERY SCARY!!!!!

[seawolf77]

If I have to listen to Beck's platitudes "I was a drunk and a druggie and all those things until ... ( begins to cry ) my son made me clean up. I could not remember what I said to him one night. Turned me cold sober." Yeah right. Put some Jim Croce on. Jesus where do they find these people. I could find more interesting on a cocktail napkin.

[SewaneeLeftist]

I'm one of those people who can't actually watch the Loon King, so I get snippets on Countdown and YouTube and so forth. It's probably worse watching these lowlights, of course, because these are the "wha - Owwwww" whiplash moments the writer describes so well. I'm sure though that the massive audience also comprises a healthy number of people who like to watch the so-called reality shows where things crash and blow up time after time -- that certainly seems to be what happens on Loon King's shows.

Very enjoyable article.

[Chip W]

I like to watch Beck analytically.
He has lots of followers who believe he's honest. So I ask why?
The image he projects and the relationship he tries to establish with his viewers is interesting. He's our buddy looking out for us is a basis of his image.
Picking apart his logic and reasoning is fun. Noting his wild correlations, following his reasoning as he wobbles from shaky premises to flimsy conclusions. How he uses out-of-context manipulation. And people buy it.
Glen Beck is good brain exercise, but he's hard to watch for long because he's so damn smug.

[masso435]

Analyzing Glenn Beck's logic would have to be similar to trying to understand the flight path of the common house fly prior to it lighting on a piece of dog siht. It meanders forever seemingly with no particular rhyme or reason involved, but never the less where it ends up isn't very useful.

[talkinhedz]

The Fact that you get your news updated from Olberman says it all. Does Keith show the White board charts? Does he mention the documented connection between the radicals of the 60's to the present administration? Is he Crazy?...Yes..but Crazy like a fox..and it has the left choking on their tofu!

[prettyinpink]

Fanned.

Yes, he is the current man to hate. They hate him because he makes sense to a great number of people. I am no fan and almost never watch or listen to him but the fact that so many libs come unhinged at just the mention of his name-means he must be hitting the right notes.

Conservatives have taken their play book-rules for radicals- and used it against them. Beating them with their own rules. As I said-no fan-but you go Glen.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2009/08/as-boycott-continues-glenn-becks-audience-swells.html

[SewaneeLeftist]

Hm, maybe Talkinhedz was talking to me about my source of news.

But I'm an omniverous reader and watcher of the news, from C-span, Lehrer, except when they do their so-called balance between a right wing nut and a moderate, to a large number of newspapers, NYTimes to the local papers, as well as CNN, and of course my favorites, Countdown and the Rachel Maddow Show.

So I'll stack my interaction with the news against anyone else's.

But if you think Glen Beck provides an analysis of ANYTHING or that the reason GB worries the left is because of some aspect of truth he's presenting, you're sadly mistaken.

He's worrisome because he cynically exploits the worst aspects of his viewers,their most irrational fears and prejudices with his lies, distortions, and bizarre recasting of reality.

Those are very dangerous activities -- I would call them nearly criminal (they will be when one of his acolytes kills somebody) and endorse every legal effort to take away his dangerous megaphone, Faux News.

There's a long history of treasonous, right wing anti-American militias and other armed mobs who can be manipulated by GB and his ilk -- from the dangers of floridated water as commie plot to the current reeducation camp lies and the indoctrination panic -- into violence and murder and GB is working that vein as hard as he can. Are you endorsing that violence?

[LaurenMarie984]

"Ocular Injury"! It's so true!!!

[Shawnawassee]

Elisberg just proved how easy it is to for the kettle to call the pot black! He is guilty of the same things that he says about Beck.

[ciotog17]

Actually, at the University of I Don't Remember, you can major in Making Sh*t Up, Shouting Nonsense or Fanciful Statistics. There's postgraduate courses in Pulling Stuff Out Of Your Ass and Base Pandering to the Lowest Common Denominator. And if you do well, the graduation honors are known as Loud, Louder, Magna Cum Louder and, in commemoration of its founder, the highest honor, Loud As All Beck. You can register at the university's campus, which is located in the bosky dells of Loon-Of -The-Sea, New Dakota. Speak to the dean, the venerable Maj. Sy Kosis, and tell him Glenn sent you. You'll be guaranteed a free cheese pizza and a padded cell, er dorm room!

[Emerald1943]

Fanned! Great post!

[masso435]

I like it!! fanned

[SewaneeLeftist]

HAHAHAH. Classic, ciotog!

[DLazar1]

Trying to convince people that they are NOT seeing what they are actually SEEING is probably not the way to go. By any evaluation there were a lot of people who showed up for the event. And its kind of hard to say they are fringe elements when they looked so . . . well . . . every day. Or that they are a violent crowd when . . . well . . . there were a total of . . . ZERO arrests. Why not accept the fact that a growing number of Americans have lost faith in their government. The corruption is wide spread and people really are fed up with both parties. Shouldn't we all agree that we can't have lawmakers writing laws for us who are TAX CHEATS . . . at least we have to be honest about that.

[K.J. Dwyer - Huffpost Blogger]

Actually, I think it's far worse and more sinister than what you imagine.

Using the previous administration as an object lesson, Noam Chomsky never believed Bush was as stupid as he seemed. Not that he thought Bush was an enlightened individual, but he just wasn't as stupid as he pretended to be. If you go back a little in history, and you see interviews of Bush before he went into politics, he was not anywhere near as stupid as he sounded as president. There was a value in presenting Bush as the guy next door, appealing to all those tens of millions of americans who don't think too deeply and can't complete a thought without fumbling.

Remember the long, long list of malapropisms attributed to Bush? Chomsky suggests that when Bush was attacked for all his stupid remarks, it made his supporters defensive (as they, most likely had experienced similar situations when trying to express themselves). It goes directly to the "intellectual elite" charge and drives a further wedge between folks that should be supporting progressive issues and the people "calling them stupid."

So what's the solution? I have no idea, because when addressing the Becks of the world, there has to be correction, and no matter how "nice" you try to be in correcting them, they're always going to feel like you're "talking down" to them and as long as Fox is there to exploit all of this, we're doomed to endure it.

[CantStopUsNow]

That would explain the popularity of Sarah Palin within the base of the GOP. They're just standing up for their fellow idiot. Got it.

[cwcgal]

Very mature. What grade are you in... fifth, sixth?

[K.J. Dwyer - Huffpost Blogger]

Exactly. And now Bachmann and Joe Wilson. They're all testing the waters to see just how low they can go and, apparently, there is no bottom.

[ge0429]

What is disturbing is not so much what Glenn Beck says, but that there are 2.8 million people who watch his television show and that Time magazine deems him important enough (with two wars and a global economic crises) to put him on the cover. Admittedly, a portion of his viewers watch for the train-wreck effect, but many use it as their primary "news" source. I often wonder if so many people would have taken Beck seriously in our pre-MTV reality tv show attention deficit disorder 24 hour cable "news" society . The future of America is in trouble...without an informed public, democracy cant work!

[cwcgal]

Who is uniformed? Those who watch network news perhaps?

Where are the investigative reporters who should have picked up on ACORN long ago? Where are the reporters who should have seen the big problems with Van Jones? Which TV station cried out that a major heath care bill was about to be pushed through without anyone even reading it? You really have to watch Fox anymore to be informed.

Go Glenn Beck! No one else is brave enough or cares enough to point out what is really happening.

[billhodges]

Well said. The issue with Beck is he asks as many questions as he makes statement, which he backs up with documented facts to support.

I suspect the problem with the progressives is they were not anticipating anyone like Beck standing up and shining a light on the administration. The people surrounding Obama are being slowly exposed despite the refusal of the MSM to investigate the issues until it is forced on them.

If the left could debunk Beck and Fox with facts they would have done so, but because they can not manage to do that they have to resort to name calling, and making unsubstantiated claims to demean Beck and Fox. Some call it panic, I call it denial of the truth.

Beck has denounced violence almost daily but yet I hear him accused of inciting violence. He asks questions and directs his viewers to not accept his beliefs but research everything and draw their own conclusions.

Does not sound like something a liar would be doing, does it?

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclination, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.
John Adams

[Blink2X]

You dribbled some KoolAid on your shirt...if Glenn Beck is your only source of 'news' you may want to work a little harder at getting information. It usually requires reading, you may also want to turn off the TV.

[mono]

Orly Taitz has said that Glen Beck was born in Kenya. Two of a kind huh???