History Finally Judges George Bush

Throughout President George Bush's time in office, he has refused basic introspection by insisting repeatedly that it's not for him to say how his presidency will be judged, that it's up to History.

"I'll be frank with you," he again told ABC's Charles Gibson recently. "I don't spend a lot of time really worrying about short-term history. I guess I don't worry about long-term history, either, since I'm not going to be around to read it."

Of course, avoiding a question is the opposite of being "frank." Then again, perhaps this is just a family tradition, since his wife has equally chimed in, addressing the other day whether her husband is the worst president ever: "I think history will judge and we'll see later."

It occurred to me, therefore, that if George Bush - and circle - are, in fact, leaving judgment of himself to History, the only alternative is to go straight to the source. As a result, with the Bush presidency winding down, I have invited History to be a guest commentator today and respond for itself.

Hi, everyone. This is History. Happy New Year. I would like to thank Mr. Robert Elisberg for the opportunity to address you. It was very gracious. He is a good soul and quite a dashing fellow, even though his picture doesn't suggest it.

I've been asked to comment on how George W. Bush will be judged by History, a reasonable request since - well, I'll be the one doing the judging.

He will be judged really, really, really badly.

I mean, honestly, did any of you think differently? Someone who admits that he's unconcerned with the future is telling you he doesn't care if he screws it up. And therefore is destined to.

How could anyone possibly think George Bush would be judged well by me?! It's sort of insulting, actually. Just consider who have I have available for making comparisons - Moses, Aristotle, Lao-Tze, Caesar (Julius and Sid), Michelangelo, Shakespeare, Lincoln, Queen Victoria, Gandhi, Roosevelt (Theodore, Franklin and Eleanor), Larry Gelbart and Martin Luther King.

George W. Bush? He falls somewhere between Steve Guttenberg and Larry Mandinelli.

But okay, I know people have high standards for History and demand details, so let's look at going to war in Iraq, just for starters. Fine. The Sunnis and Shi'ites have been fighting each other for probably 800 years. (I lose track, it's been like forever.) Did George Bush think he could get in the middle of that, and I wouldn't notice? I'm History. I notice these things. All I have to do is look in the mirror. All he had to do was pick up any history book. This was really dumb, and as History, I always judge "dumb" poorly. Same reason I knocked down the guy who came up with New Coke. But at least that didn't destabilize the world, and 1.3 million human beings didn't die.

Yes, yes, I know. Mr. President Bush likes to suggest that History might determine if there are benefits from all this some day. Well...I've determined that. It's balderdash. If you bludgeon someone to a bloody pulp, after he recovers from years of rehab you can't claim credit for all his subsequent successes. If Sunnis and Shi'ites ever stop fighting in Iraq, it will be despite George Bush, not because of him. It will be because that's how life operates.

And that's the way I mainly judge the Bush Administration.

(Not fair, you cry! Fair? I have everything in life bombarding me. Don't waste my time with insignificances. I'm History. When you hear "Napoleon," what do you think of? How low the tax rate was during his reign - or his defeat at Waterloo? That's History. That's how History judges. I'm a Big Picture kind o' guy.)

But just for fun, how do I judge the rest of it? You really want to know? Really? Okay, you asked.

The economy. Oh, my, not good. Not good at all. Speaking as History, I tend to judge the collapse of a society's financial system as a negative. There's just no way to put a smiley face on that. Trillion dollar deficits are seriously bad. Hey, I'm just saying. And I'm History.

Global warming. I'll admit a bias, I've always liked science, but then, being History, I've seen it all. Galileo is one of my faves. The zealots who persecuted him remind me of the Bush record on global warming. You may not remember the Ice Age, but I do. You do not want to see another. It wasn't as cute as the movie. Trust me.

Hurricane Katrina. Normally, I wouldn't remember this, except that I love jambalaya and Dixieland jazz. That's why, sometimes, I can never forget certain natural disasters - Pompeii, Krakatoa, the Lisbon earthquake in 1755. When you destroy something priceless, you pay. No one should think you can wipe New Orleans off the map, and History won't send you a bill.

Torture. C'mon, you have to ask?? Four hundred years later, and the Spanish Inquisition is still trying to live it down. In purgatory.

But at least George Bush "Kept America Safe," I hear some of you crying. Sorry, History remembers 9/11 and under whose watch it happened. And those 4,200 Americans who've died in Iraq. And that whole "collapsed economy" thing.

Teri Schiavo. Good news. George Bush will come through okay with this! This was so small and petty and venal that I blissfully won't remember it.

More good news. History will judge George Bush kindly for creating an environment so disastrous that Americans elected the first African-American president.

Anyway, hopefully that settles the question how I judge George Bush (as if there really ever was a serious question). But it's always nice to touch base with all you good folks. Thanks again to that fine Mr. Elisberg for giving me the platform. I will look upon him kindly.

Have a wonderful New Year. Know that I'm always there for you, and you always have History at your back and waiting for you in your future.

And go Cubs!! Here's hoping. One day...

Comments

[Ourrias]

FINAL GRADE IN ON BUSH PRESIDENCY: F-

[dfranz]

if if's and buts were candy and nuts....Face it. This man has done more to harm the American people, our ecconomy, the earths environment and our standing in the world than any American in history.

Here's an anology for you; you can't take credit for someones recovery because you ran them over with your car.

[Spikethedog]

Mr. Madoff attended Hostra and earned a degree in poltiical science.
He was a generous contributor to Democrats, including $50,000 to the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Fund for this cycle.

[cotqueannie]

I think you missed the point of the article.

[jacqmac]

History is kinder than a shoe throwing reporter! Frankly, if history wore shoes, there wouldn't be any left to throw. Good job and a good laugh-in an ironic sort of way!

[legalclubs]

continued from directly below...

Another example of where historical perspective can come into play will be the current economic downturn. Is this just a normal 2 year recession or are we going into a depression. Also, historians will be able to view (with objectivity not possible now) exactly who dropped the ball on regulating Freddie and Fannie. Could the blame be laid at the door of Dems such as Barny Frank? Very likely.

Iraq? What if it truely turns into a robust democracy pathing the way for the rest of the middle east's transformation. Surely Bush would get the credit.

So we will have to see, however, anybody claiming they can write the history of the last 8 years now is fooling themselves.

[timm0]

"So we will have to see, however, anybody claiming they can write the history of the last 8 years now is fooling themselves."

History implies some degree of connection with reality and facts. Facts will not likely be overwritten by your fantasies and delusions.

[legalclubs]

Historical Perspective!

What is missing with contemporary commentators is that as they are part of a particular moment in history they can't see the big picture. In other words, they are guided by the conventional wisdom of the day, even though the convential wisdom isn't fully informed of all the facts and is often partisan in nature. This is the benefit of the passage of time -- people in 20 or 30 years can look at the facts with a fresh perspective and with 20/20 hindsight which allows them to determine if policies still in motion at the time a president leaves offices turn out to be major successes or collasal failures.

For example, the Bush Administration will always be remembered as the administration that lead the country after 9/11. It will also be remembered that, contrary to what most people believed was possible at the time, that the administration prevented any further attacks for 8 years. If Obama reduces our terrorist detection abilities and we are hit multiple times during his administration history will likely reflect that Bush's polices were the polices that kept us safe.

[gorideabike]

Safe? Really? Safe from global ecological disaster, safe from global economic disaster, safe from hurricane disaster, safe from a military decimated in a disasterous and needless war, safe from torture, safe from private armies, safe from secret prisons, safe from government and private spy agencies, safe from neglected bridges and dams, and so on and on and on. Nothing a whif of revisionist history can not fix. Yup.
Start "splainin' " Lucy.

[DavidEBrown]

Well then, Europe and the Jews should thank Hitler?

Iraq should thank Saddam?

Afghanistan should thank the Taliban?

[Lemeritus]

With all due respect, History, the Sunnis and Shi'ites have been fighting each other for more like 1,377 years or, roughly, since the death of the Prophet (at issue, the question of spiritual succession). I know you have a lot to keep track of so I hope you won't consider it too presumptuous of me for reminding you of this.

[fishgirl26]

OH History how I love thee! Although I do not have a degree in History (like GWB scammed out of Yale), I do have a pretty good grasp of it. I want to see an article of how the forefathers would judge GWB (like on American Bandstand).."..his presidency.....I would give it a 1 for effectiveness, a 1 for accountability, but you can't really dance to it" says Abraham Lincoln. The fact is that we are supposed to use history to learn from it..obviously GWB didn't learn ANYTHING!!!

[zest]

Pathetic man, pathetic administration, pathetic time for the world. Let's hope it's over.

[owlsocks]

Funny, and poignant.

Nicely done.

[StillIRise]

Good article.

[BadgersBite]

I'm just glad that he'll soon be history!

[barabajagl]

I know what History thinks of Buchanan, Harding, and Nixon. Taking a keynote from John Dean's book, Worse Than Watergate, dubya is clearly not as good a president as Nixon. History's only task is to rank dubya against Buchanan and Harding for Worst President Ever.

[lennix]

Thanks Mr. Elisberg for the truth

[in4success]

um... revisionist histlory here -- the one that will actually survive the fascist publisher edit room. --you know, the one that made native americans "the savages" and custard a hero.