I Too Misspoke

Let it not be said that I can't learn from Republicans. I can, and I am better for it. Sometimes, Republicans show a lesson of decency that transcends politics and shines a light that leads the way for all.

I learned from Mitt Romney, who said "I misspoke" after days earlier responding to whether his sons were involved in military service by stating, "One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

I learned, too, from Rudy Giuliani, who said he misspoke when he commented he was at Ground Zero "as often, if not more than the workers," and then adding "I was there working with them. I was exposed to exactly the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I'm one of them."

Within days of becoming a figure of national ridicule for equating his children working for him was the same as military service during a war, Romney open-heartedly acknowledged what every sentient human being in the nation and most rocks knew instantly, "It's not service to the country, it's service for me, and there's just no comparison there."

Within one day of becoming a figure of national vitriol by police and firefighters for equating his PR appearances in front of those risking their lives for fallen comrades were the same danger -- if not more -- Giuliani open-heartedly acknowledged what every sentient non-Republican knew instantly, "What I was trying to say yesterday is that I empathize with them, because I feel like I have that same risk," even despite not remotely taking the same risk and being called "such a liar" by deputy fire chief Jimmy Riches, who was working in the rubble at Ground Zero for months looking for his son, a firefighter.

I too have learned from these Men of High Honor. And I herewith acknowledge -- I misspoke.

I misspoke when I said I wrote the novel, Great Expectations, which was actually written by Charles Dickens. What I meant was that I'd read the novel, and that as a writer, I go through the same process as Dickens when I write a blog, so I feel like I have that same creative risk.

I misspoke when I said I had served in the Green Berets during Viet Nam, when in fact I had gone to college. I was referring to the John Wayne movie, The Green Berets, which I didn't see either, but knew of because of the song written by Sgt. Barry Sadler, which I did know and liked. It's not the military, it's pop music, and there's just no comparison there.

Also, I misspoke when I said I played shortstop for the Chicago Cubs. I could have because they were really terrible when I grew up -- and when my father grew up -- and when my grandfather grew up -- but I was never actually signed by the team. What I did was throw a tennis ball against our garage, and in our driveway the Chicago Cubs won the World Series many, many times.

I misspoke, too, when I told the guy at the door of the Bruce Springsteen concert that I was with the E Street Band. Obviously, I just wanted him to think I'd done something that wasn't true in order to get something I wanted. What I should have said is "Can I have Bruce sign my CD? Here's 10 bucks."

I misspoke when I told Christie Paulson I invented the DVD and iPod. Obviously, I just wanted her to think I'd done something that wasn't true in order to get something I wanted, badly. I did get it, but what I should have said is...well, no, I'm okay with that one. But I did misspeak.

And I also misspoke when I told the Huffington Post that Daniel Ellsberg was my father, and that the family changed the spelling to throw people off. I just wanted them to think something about me that wasn't true in order to get something I wanted. What I was trying to say was that our names were so similar, but it came out wrong.

I misspoke. About all these things. And more, but we don't have to go into them now because I haven't been called on them yet. But know that I am as truly, deeply heartbroken about having to acknowledge my gaffes in public as I am certain Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani are. If we all could have said what we did without having to admit misspeaking, please believe that we would have much preferred it.

But Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani were caught misspeaking, and they 'fessed up to it. And the least I could do is learn from these fine men and do the same. The very, very least.