It's Official: New Orleans Declared No Longer Part of the U.S.

When Hurricane Katrina wiped the city of New Orleans off the map in August, 2005, there were a surprising many who followed President Bush's lead of denial that such a thing actually occurred. The denial evidenced by his playing air guitar in California during the disaster and then flying over, while his Secretary of State Ms. Rice went on a shoe-buying spree in the Big Apple and caught a Broadway musical.

(That there was this denial should not come as any shock, of course, since the very reason the city was wiped off the map in the first space was the denial that the levees were at risk - and that there was even a Category 5 hurricane coming, period.)

But remarkably, no, when it was over, the President of the United States showed up in New Orleans, seemingly proving that there really was a city, after all. (Okay, he didn't show up immediately, which some might take as further evidence of denial that there was a problem, but in fairness it takes time to put together all those klieg lights Mr. Bush needed in order to march through Jackson Square and be seen as an ethereal presence all aglow. Hey, lights don't grow on trees, y'know. Not that there were any trees left, even if they did, of course. This was a big job, not like printing up "Mission Accomplished" banners for some battleship.) And once he did eventually show up, the President said that New Orleans would come back, and therefore many people believed him, that there apparently was a city. After all, the President wouldn't fib about something like that.

Oh, sure, when he gave his State of the Union Address a mere five months later, he only devoted 85 words to the disaster. But that's 47 more than Captain Kirk devoted to "Space, the final frontier..." And that was about exploring new worlds and new civilizations. So, 85 words for a mere hurricane is pretty darn good.

Plus, it's 85 more words than he devoted to New Orleans on Tuesday night, in his next State of the Union Address.

Yes, that's right. The number of words devoted to the city of New Orleans that had been wiped off the map only 17 months earlier was zippo. The same number of words as calories in Diet Coke. Seven fewer words than "Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Two fewer words than what the President was telling the city to do to itself.

Now, in fairness, it's possible that the President and his Administration gentlefolk looked around but simply weren't able to find the words anywhere, most likely because they're hidden in the same place as Iraq's non-existent weapons of mass destruction, which they can't find either. (Although he still was able to come up with 16 words for that.)

On the other hand, Mr. Bush was able to come up with 166 words for the person who sold a $200 million movie company to the Walt Disney Company. Not only is that 166 more words than he found for the entire city of New Orleans that was wiped off the map - it's twice as many as he used the year before, only five months after he had showed up on his shining light beams to proclaim his heartfelt support for the just-devastated city. The President quoted the woman, a noble soul named Julie Aigner-Clark, who has subsequently devoted effort to child protection and said, "I believe that children have the right to live in a world that is safe." What Mr. Bush himself wanted to add was, "So keep them out of New Orleans."

He didn't say that, of course. It would have required using the words, "New Orleans."

But you see, there's a very good reason President Bush didn't mention a single word about New Orleans. That's because it officially no longer exists.

The State of the Union Address is the final proof. It's required by law. Paragraph whatever, you can look it up. It isn't easy to disenfranchise an entire city. Our Founding Fathers in their infinite wisdom made sure of that. Procedures must be followed. For the last 17 months, the Bush Administration has been diligently and admirably following those procedures, an action they're not all that keen on, you understand, so they should be given points for that. And the final procedure under the Constitution is to be totally ignored by the President in his State of the Union Address.

New Orleans is no longer part of the United States.

But - this is a good thing.

It is now eligible for foreign aid.