12/13/2013 12:42 pm ET Updated Feb 12, 2014

Dreaming of a Really White Christmas

As you may have heard, the other day Megyn Kelly of Fox delivered the breaking story that both Santa Claus and Jesus Christ were white. This came as a result of a previous story about a black woman writing about the possibility that Santa didn't always have to be white. Ms. Kelly related --

For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. But this person is maybe just arguing that we should also have a black Santa. But, you know, Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we're just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids.

Now, it's uncertain, in the case of Santa Claus whether Megyn Kelly was referring to the real, historical saint Nicholas, a man who is not known to have flown through the air with the help of reindeer and assisted by elves from a magical home in the North Pole, but rather lived in Myra, a northern province of Byzantine Anatolia, or if she meant the mythical character of Santa Claus (or Sinterklass as the Dutch call him, or Father Christmas as do the British, or Kriss Kringle, all of whom had a laugh like a bowlful of jelly and comes down chimneys to deliver toys to all the boys and girls of the world in one night.

But this is not about that, nor about the fact that Jesus Christ was born in Palestine or that Saint Nicholas was from what is today Turkey, also in the Middle East, so the question of both men's race is in much greater doubt than an anthropologist of Ms. Kelly's credentials would lead the children to believe.

No, I'm sure that's been covered by others and much more extensively. No, this is about something else entirely. It's to say this to all those same little boys and girls --

For all you kids reading at home, Megyn Kelly is white. Very white. She is white as the driven snow. She is white in her face, white in her hair and white in her soul. She was born in upstate New York, in Syracuse, so you know for sure she isn't even from the Middle East of the United States. So, make no mistake, Megyn Kelly is white. And that's okay. After all, Megyn Kelly is what she is, and just so you know, we're just debating this because someone said something really silly about it, kids.

And by the way, kids, just because one guy preached good will to all men and helping all others as brothers, and the other believed in being a citizen of the world giving out free gifts doesn't mean they were Socialists. Necessarily.

Oh, and happy holidays.


Robert J. Elisberg's novel, 'A Christmas Carol 2: The Return of Scrooge,' was #1 in Humor/Parody on Amazon.