My Application to Be Poet Laureate

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April, as you no doubt are well-aware (and have likely been waiting all year for), is National Poetry Month. First, the start of the baseball season, and now this!

I'm reminded that I submitted my application when Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and the California Arts Council announced they had begun accepting nominations for the position of state poet laureate and ambassador for the literary arts.

I feel pretty confident at getting the job because a spokesman for the governor, Terri Carbaugh suggested that candidates who choose to turn down the already-small stipend would be given added consideration in the decision.

"As you know, this is a very tight fiscal year," Ms. Carbaugh said. "Quite possibly, a poet laureate may step up to the plate and volunteer their time. Wouldn't that be wonderful?"

It would! It would be so wonderful (or rather, 'o wondrous,' as we aspiring poet laureates prefer to say). And given that I'm willing to starve for my art and bring beauty to the state and ultimately the world, I figure that my plate will be a bounty. Besides, being called "Mr. Ambassador" never hurts, especially with the ladies.

Though it's been a few years and I haven't heard yet, I expect that's because they're busy with other matters. After all, a job that you don't want to pay anything for has got to be fairly low down on the priority ladder. So, I haven't lost hope and am expecting a response any day.

But I'm confident of getting the non-paying position. After all, not only did I say on my application that I'd do the job for free, the main requirement, but I included the following poem without charge to seal the deal.

Here's hoping! Metaphors be with me.


I'm applying to be poet laureate
Though I'm not sure what the job's faureate.
My rhymes aren't deep
But they're fast and they're cheap!
Which is why I've not been shown the daureate.

I so hope I become poet laureate.
I've got poems you shouldn't ignaureate.
Sure, the job pays no stipend,
But I swear I won't gripe and
I'll only give thanks I'm not paureate.

O if I become poet laureate
The surprises that you have instaureate.
I'll fill poems by the barrel
To be read at one's peril.
And I promise I won't be a haureate.

I'd be a real good poet laureate.
This writing stuff isn't a chaureate.
I'll do sonnet or haiku
Or whatever you like, you
Just tell me if you need some maureate.

So, please let me be poet laureate!!
There are worlds o' rhymes left to explaureate.
And for better or worse
What you get with free verse
Is something you may not adaureate.

Comments

[steffianne]

And God knows you won't be a baureate!

[jeskiley]

Actually, you may be more qualified for Limerick Laureate. And you've upped your chances for sainthood, with all that patience and faith that comes so easily to you. Have you considered the possibility that the Pope is making a special visit to our States to see you?

[LulaB]

That was the best poem I read in years.
Thanks

[8novels]

I hope you become Poet Laureate
Though I'm not quite sure of your scoreate...
You'll have to compete
With hordes of elite
And the line's going way out the dooreate.

(I work at the California Arts Council -- but I have nothing to do with Poet Laureate appointments, I swear!)

Thanks for the laughs!

[Ankhst]

As a fan of rhymes swift and gratuitous
I appreciate that you'll clearly go to it as
Oft' as any should dare
With but marginal care
As future CA laureate, you intuit us!

You have my vote (from San Jose CA)