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Unsolicited Advice to a Fallen Celebrity

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There has been a well-known celebrity in the news recently, once admired, who has come under an ocean of criticism for his scandalous public actions. In fact, he's become an object of ridicule, and unrelenting target of late night jokes.

I am speaking of Brit Hume.

Brit Hume was a respected journalist at ABC News for nearly a quarter-century. He was the network's White House correspondent. Indeed, he even won an Emmy Award for his coverage of the Gulf War. (The first one.)

Respected, admired.

But now, all that has changed. What the world once thought of Brit Hume was just the surface that hid his inner demons. The cracks appeared. He began to proselytize about Tiger Woods in a manner unseemly for a professional journalist. Even being on Fox News, he was not able to deflect scorn. And just when it was clear that he could save his public reputation by apologizing, the story disintegrated. Just the other day, there he was again, yet another story of his own doing, aggravating the problem even worse.

I have realized that Brit Hume should become Jewish.

You must understand that I feel bad for Brit Hume. He clearly has a bright career ahead of him, and I truly believe he can recover as a journalist. Whether or not he can recover as a person, however, is a very open question. And it's a tragic situation for him.

It's not clear to me how his family has reacted to this public embarrassment, which shows him to be out of his element as a fake-preacher, and devoid of the ethics all serious journalists hold. But the Brit Hume that emerges once the news value dies out of this debacle -- the extent to which he can recover -- seems to me to depend on his faith. He's said to be a Christian; and while Christianity offers aspects of forgiveness, I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Jewish faith. So my message to Brit would be, "Brit, turn to the Jewish faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."

Consider for a moment that if one is a Christian, you get to confess your sins and be forgiven whenever you want. The problem for Brit Hume is that he'd have to confess his sins every single time he sinned. As we've seen from his repetitive proselytizing, bullying, and past, that means he'll have to spend so much of his time confessing and repenting that he won't be able to eat lunch. (It was Brit Hume who, after being called out for offering wildly-wrong facts about deaths during the Gulf War - the second one, that he didn't win an Emmy Award for - said, "it may not be accurate, but it's indicative of something").

But if he was Jewish, Britt Hume would only have to ask for forgiveness once a year, on Yom Kippur. How easy is that? And as Brit Hume's advice to Tiger Woods was to show how easy one religion was over another, it's obvious that he prefers the easy way out? The Jewish faith is made for Brit Hume.

You see, Brit Hume needs something that Judaism especially provides and gives and offers, and that is redemption and forgiveness. I think that becoming Jewish offer Brit Hume something that Brit Hume badly needs.

That "something" is that it comes with built-in persecution. We can see by Brit Hume going on Bill O'Reilly's show after his first rant that he felt put-upon by the mass of criticism piled upon him. How can one not help but feel persecuted when the world actually is persecuting you. And when you're of a faith that 78% of Americans identify themselves with, it is almost impossible for Brit to understand and deal with what it's like to be persecuted. So, his problem feeds on himself, gnawing at his guts and soul. But if Brit was Jewish, being persecuted would just be part of his everyday life, and he could get past this and move on.

Furthermore, there's Hanukkah. There is clearly an emptiness inside Brit Hume that pushes him to overcompensate and try to force his personal beliefs on others. Brit's desperate craving for attention has driven him to make his world one that's surrounded by sycophants, like a king being paid homage, a feudal lord given tribute. Christianity only offers Brit Hume one day a year of receiving such gifts. If he was Jewish, however, he would have eight times as many days to get presents.

And Judaism doesn't have a hell, so there's no chance that Brit Hume will burn in everlasting damnation!

Finally, the Christian faith has only had 2,009 years to perfect its creed and get the whole "forgiveness" thing down pat. Judaism, though, has been going strong for 5,769. Brit has a much better chance saving himself with tenets that have been doing it for more than twice as long.

Brit Hume will one day broadcast the news as a journalist does. But where will his soul be? The good news is that there's an answer for him. And if he becomes Jewish, the future is bright.

Unless Sarah Palin gets elected president.