iOS app Android app More

Robert Kuttner

Robert Kuttner

Posted: September 12, 2008 03:41 PM

An American Puzzle


Note: I found this one page on the sidewalk outside the Chinese Embassy in Washington. I can't vouch for its authenticity-RK:

TRANSLATION: MANDARIN TO ENGLISH
From: Geng Huichang, Ministry of State Security
To: Zhou Wenzhong, Chinese Ambassador to the United States
Re: Request for evaluation of PALIN, SARAH

Security Classification: Eyes Only

Executive Summary

Most Excellent Comrade Ambassador!

The intelligence service has been requested to research why Republicans chose this peasant woman to be mate of John McCain. We most humbly apologize, but this nomination seems to make no sense. Our intelligence analysts are divided, but here are main hypotheses:

1. Old McCain venerable and weak, may die in office. Clique that runs Republican Party (see "Wingnut Operatives, Appendix II") prevailed in factional split over moderates who selected McCain. Subject PALIN is being groomed by religious extremists to become president (See report on Falun Gong, Appendix III). Subject PALIN is member of fundamentalist cult that rejects science. We need to be alert to takeover of US by religious extremists. Poisoning of McCain cannot be ruled out.

2. Subject PALIN claims to be "traditional values" mother, yet left large family of young children to be governor. Teaches sexual abstinence, yet teen daughter is with child, resulting from illicit sexual conduct. We suspect that this is all ploy to test hypocrisy and double-standard loyalty of her allies among said religious extremists.

3. Subject PALIN never had passport until 2007. This is not possible. Unimaginable in People's Republic. We cannot rule out possibility that CIA kept her in deep cover until opportune moment. (See synopsis of film: "The American Candidate," Appendix IV.) A majority of our team believes she cannot be as poorly informed about world affairs as she seems. Example: subject PALIN pretended clumsily that she did not know meaning of Bush Doctrine. Ploy suspected. May be secretly dangerous woman of extreme intelligence.

4. Implications for economic development of People's Republic. Subject PALIN shoots wild animals from airplanes, favors oil drilling, and opposes conservation efforts. This could also be ploy. Some of our analysts believe she must be pretending, given seriousness of polar melt in Alaska. But if true, her influence will reduce pressure on People's Republic to deal with extreme air and water pollution. Ha-ha.

5. Majority of team agrees on one conclusion: Subject PALIN so completely unqualified for position that other conspiracy must be at work. Could be smart lady and deliberate deception; or could be dupe for true power elite. Either way, although Bush dynasty leaving office, PALIN selection suggests that military industrial complex continues to run United States (See Appendix V: Cheney, Halliburton, ExxonMobil; and Appendix VI: Executive Committee of Ruling Class.)

6. Americans extremely clever, whole nomination is American puzzle. In American Republican Party, things are never as they seem.

****

Robert Kuttner, co-editor of The American Prospect and Distinguished Senior Fellow at Demos, has just published Obama's Challenge: America's Economic Crisis and the Power of a Transformative Presidency (Chelsea Green). He is blogging daily about the election and the economic crisis at www.obamaschallenge.com.