10/22/2009 06:00 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Pope Benedict Offers Full Communion to Anglicans and Rappers

In a move that surprised traditionalists, Pope Benedict XVI is openly courting Anglicans and rappers to join the Catholic Church in full communion. Members from both communities have voiced frustration over the growing acceptance of homosexuals and women as equals in their ranks.

"Allowing women and openly gay men to serve as bishops," said Benedict, "is a betrayal of the traditional liturgical patrimony. It's been very divisive for the Anglican Church. The same is true in the hip hop community where rappers are being pressured to abandon their orthodox views on bitches, ho's and queers," said Benedict.

Benedict says disenfranchised rappers and Anglicans should feel at home in the Catholic Church given its unwavering stance on women and homosexuality.

"It is our intention to preserve the traditions of the Catholic Church and this includes keeping women and gays out of the priesthood. Anglicans can be assured that they can maintain their traditional liturgical practices, robes, oils and lotions."

Responding to criticism that he's out of step with the times, Benedict extended his invitation to the rap community using language that is most commonly associated with hip hop lyrics.

"Rappers can be assured that I won't be hatin' if they rhyme about ho's and queers. I won't be getting up on their dick, no homo," said Benedict.