Pope Benedict Offers Full Communion to Anglicans and Rappers

In a move that surprised traditionalists, Pope Benedict XVI is openly courting Anglicans and rappers to join the Catholic Church in full communion. Members from both communities have voiced frustration over the growing acceptance of homosexuals and women as equals in their ranks.

"Allowing women and openly gay men to serve as bishops," said Benedict, "is a betrayal of the traditional liturgical patrimony. It's been very divisive for the Anglican Church. The same is true in the hip hop community where rappers are being pressured to abandon their orthodox views on bitches, ho's and queers," said Benedict.

Benedict says disenfranchised rappers and Anglicans should feel at home in the Catholic Church given its unwavering stance on women and homosexuality.

"It is our intention to preserve the traditions of the Catholic Church and this includes keeping women and gays out of the priesthood. Anglicans can be assured that they can maintain their traditional liturgical practices, robes, oils and lotions."

Responding to criticism that he's out of step with the times, Benedict extended his invitation to the rap community using language that is most commonly associated with hip hop lyrics.

"Rappers can be assured that I won't be hatin' if they rhyme about ho's and queers. I won't be getting up on their dick, no homo," said Benedict.

 

 

Comments

[voxpop4]

What a joke as our religious leaders have made a mockery of religion. These evangelicals who think they have the right road to Paradise are really not much better than clowish scammers. Telling Anglicans that the Catholic Church will take them in is "chutzpah" to the apex degree! Religion in history, right up until today has caused more tradegdy, slaughter, and war than any other reason. Even the rise of the 'Communist/Socalist revoltuion came about because the CHURCH (all of em) did nothing for the poorer and faithful classes! The Church has failed thru out its horrible history to help their Parishioners deal with the greedy, eroctic, stupid, selfish needs of the ruling Kings who sent them off to war! The Pope has a lot of nerve to "invite" others of a different religion to Catholicism. I'll bet that many Catholics are leaving the Church. Witness the horror of the abusive Priest debacle. No wonder many of all faiths are leaving the church (all churches) for a more pacifistic, secular life! Evangelism has failed and has done more damage thruout history than we even realize!

[alkamm]

Trouble is, with Alito, Roberts, and Scalia, we have this kind of thinking directing the Supreme Court.

[cplKlyde]

Income must be way down

[PlaceboStudman]

To paraphrase Mel Brooks: "It's good to be an Atheist ex-punk!"